Good for you!! And any future bands I'd be upfront with my lack of tolerance for racism, its the 21st century dammit!! People are people, good or bad!!
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One racist remark?
- Thread starter Jim Carr
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You did the right thing given the lack of reaction from your band peers. You have to determine what your own tolerances are for people's faults/quirks/lifestyle issues etc. Once they cross that line, you have to be willing to walk away.
If someone doesn't blurt it out or show it to you all the time it may not matter. I know I differ from my bandmates, but I try to be professional and not discuss it. I also try to avoid anything controversial on Facebook etc.
If someone doesn't blurt it out or show it to you all the time it may not matter. I know I differ from my bandmates, but I try to be professional and not discuss it. I also try to avoid anything controversial on Facebook etc.
Well, thinking of this as an art/avocation environment, I'd make my displeasure at the use of the word known with nonverbals (frowny face), or might even say that I don't dig trash talk. I wouldn't quit a band over one incident, but if it became clear it was _pattern and practice_ (as the lawyers say), I'd look for a new gig. I've got no time for that kind of stuff.
Thinking of the situation as a work environment, I've got a direct real-life parallel. I'm the "other" in my workspace. I'm a university prof, but a libertarian conservative--what some folks are starting to call a "conservatarian." I routinely have to put up with derogatory remarks about conservatives in general, or Republicans in particular. Sometimes they don't know I'm one of the "other" they're bashing; sometimes they do and they fully intend it to be insulting. I ignore the trash talk as best I'm able, but it gets under my skin sometimes.
Frankly, I'd rather they insulted my ancestry than my mind.
Thinking of the situation as a work environment, I've got a direct real-life parallel. I'm the "other" in my workspace. I'm a university prof, but a libertarian conservative--what some folks are starting to call a "conservatarian." I routinely have to put up with derogatory remarks about conservatives in general, or Republicans in particular. Sometimes they don't know I'm one of the "other" they're bashing; sometimes they do and they fully intend it to be insulting. I ignore the trash talk as best I'm able, but it gets under my skin sometimes.
Frankly, I'd rather they insulted my ancestry than my mind.
I applaud your decision. I think it's important to make a distinction between political speech and racist speech. I'm one of those liberal guys, so I have a number of friends who are far to the right of me. We're able to have lively political disagreements and discussions, but we are always respectful,and don't engage in hate speech-either way.
What is that expression about defecating where you eat? Some people just don't get that. You are entitled to opinions, but should never feel entitled to spew them whenever or wherever you want. There is a time and place if you feel the need. Never discuss things like religion or politics at work, band practice is work.
If someone is making racist statements on their facebook/twitter/whatever accounts these days, I'd disassociate. Stuff like that spreads like wildfire, people will make the connection to the band and you wind up looking bad.
If someone is making racist statements on their facebook/twitter/whatever accounts these days, I'd disassociate. Stuff like that spreads like wildfire, people will make the connection to the band and you wind up looking bad.
Well, I took the threadstarter to be a question of how to handle a bandmate's comment you find unacceptable, even if it wasn't aimed at you. Exit is one option; negative feedback is another.
yeah mentioning the FOX thing was kinda random and didn't seem necessary...
Hindsight is 20/20, but you should have gone out on the stage, and NOT played when the other members started. When they inevitably stopped and looked at you, you should have told the audience EXACTLY why you would no longer play with that band and walked off stage. It would have gone viral and forced the other band members to either support or dump the new and offensive member of the band. Effectively ending their, or the band's career.
You would have been hailed as a good person with high moral integrity. And any band that approached you would have no doubt as to your stance on racial superiority. Win, win, win for you.
I agree with the other posters, in the early stages of a professional relationship you shouldn't make an issue where none exists. In public, even racists, bigots, or homophobes know that it is unacceptable to act as such. You can't control how other people think, only how you react to their actions. And if you make it an issue first, you might find that people confront you for the simple pleasure of antagonizing you.
You would have been hailed as a good person with high moral integrity. And any band that approached you would have no doubt as to your stance on racial superiority. Win, win, win for you.
I agree with the other posters, in the early stages of a professional relationship you shouldn't make an issue where none exists. In public, even racists, bigots, or homophobes know that it is unacceptable to act as such. You can't control how other people think, only how you react to their actions. And if you make it an issue first, you might find that people confront you for the simple pleasure of antagonizing you.
Not trying to start an argument here, but head on over to the Fox News website and read the comments under ANY article if you want to get the picture that conservatives are racist/homophobic/bigoted/Islamaphobic/ or whatever else you can dream up.
- Sep 9, 2007
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I'm guessing it's because that, while new, he was really good friends with one of the other members.
Given the response from the band to his leaving, I'd say that his leaving would've been the outcome, regardless.
Any other transgressions by the new guy? And you didn't discuss any further, just shook your head and then quit? Truly no other reasons to quit, you wanted to stay in, but just 1 n-bomb by the new guy and you quit without discussion? I don't get it. And I'd probably let you quit too if I were in the band. I don't need someone around who's going to throw in the towel over something like that.
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Fat Steve
The poodle bites, the poodle chews it.
Awww, that's just precious. Hey guys, he said to close the thread, so y'all better close it!
Not only would I have quit the band, I would have been a lot less nice about it than the OP was. Associating with people like this holds no interest for me, and by doing so you are condoning this behavior, especially since the person repeated it, and apparently made it very clear what his views were. Every time I think society is moving in the right direction, I hear about something like this. It's 2015 - I can't fathom how anyone could still think this way(not there was ever an excuse for it).
So stereotyping republicans is OK, but not other groups of people? Interesting perspective you have there.
- Jan 21, 2006
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Good question. He was an old friend of the Band Leader. The other players were what might politely be called "good ole boys."
I wouldn't quit. I would tell him he was a D-bag and to F off and keep that stuff off the bandstand. Why let one jerk determine what you are going to do? If it was tolerated / accepted by the band I would certainly walk. Life is too short to deal with jerks.
- Jun 6, 2012
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Callin' BS on your "disclaimer". Head over to CNN, MSNBC, etc. and see the kooky crap from the other side. Seriously? Do you really think conservatives have an exclusive on crazy?
Nervous? How about sick of? I'm not nervous that people are intolerant bigots. I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore.
Personally, I would demand the band fire him, but quitting is almost as good.
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