Parents with screaming kids...

[dlloyd]

No, but I knew the threat of it was real, and it could take my head clean off my shoulders should the need be. I was never hit harder than a trifling slap on the face, and I turned out alright!

And I was never hit and there's not often I look around myself and wonder where it all went wrong. To me, as a kid growing up, the worst possibility would have been to disappoint my parents.

There are many approaches to parenting, and I don't criticise anyone for their views. My personal view is that demonstrating to a child that a violent response will be the consequence of their failure to meet my approval just teaches them to use that approach with others.

 

[Baryonyx]

Chris - the point here is that these "people" likely never HAD much in the way of parenting at home.

Well, it's got to start somewhere. Lets hope the next generation are better! As such, physical punishment must be regulated and used sparingly. The threat of it is very potent, but you can't really get away with more than a slap when it comes to physical discipline. So reserve it, but like an Indian Nuclear weapon, make sure the threat of it is always there.

and I hear a kid ORGASMING AT THE TOP OF HIS/HER LUNGS IN PUBLIC, I'm gonna scream "SHUT THE **** UP!"

A kid orgasming in public? Would not not be more appropriate to shout "Hey, Gary Glitter is touching that child, stop him!"

 

[scorpionldr]

and if you do that to my kid, it aint gonna end well, sorry.

I don't come to listen to people's kids. I give them a good 10 minutes to shutup, and nothing happens, I'm gonna say something. People make mistakes. Some are children. it's people's responsibility to correct those mistakes. Not just let them haunt other people.
THERE IS social etiquette, and parents handling their children as if they were the same children as the ones they are raising is NOT doing it.

 

[Relic]

YOUR DAD MISSED ON STEP 2: REINFORCEMENT.
ANY ATTITUDE: SAME PUNISHMENT, NO LESS, UNTIL IT GOES AWAY ENTIRELY

How did my dad miss out on reinforcment when I got smacked every single time I did something wrong?
All it reinforced was that I didn't like my dad and would do whatever I wanted to rebel against him.
Why are you typing all in caps btw, you shouting??

 

[Bruce Lindfield]

My personal view is that demonstrating to a child that a violent response will be the consequence of their failure to meet my approval just teaches them to use that approach with others.

But if you teach them to have consideration for others....?

 

[scorpionldr]

Well, it's got to start somewhere. Lets hope the next generation are better! As such, physical punishment must be regulated and used sparingly. The threat of it is very potent, but you can't really get away with more than a slap when it comes to physical discipline. So reserve it, but like an Indian Nuclear weapon, make sure the threat of it is always there.



A kid orgasming in public? Would not not be more appropriate to shout "Hey, Gary Glitter is touching that child, stop him!"

"orgasming in public": wailing at the top of lungs incessantly, no cease in volume, no notable sign of any parent making the appropriate corrections to the behavior exhibited.

 

[Kyon`]

I've worked at an elementary school. I'm not a parent myself, and I won't tell who is doing it right or wrong, you just have to realize sometimes some kids enjoy fighting back. Slapping, hitting, can work from time to time but just from what I've seen that alone can not make up for other issues. It requires some talking with the child, not like a child, but like an adult. The thing I see most is that the child believes he's old enough to be like an adult so don't treat him or her like one. If you're going to hit them, make sure you have some words, not yelling or negative, but calm words that will get to them more to think about. Some kids just get use to a slap in the face and at times promotes their behaviors. And just know in some cases, you could take away beds, meals, tv, and some kids will just fight though it. You can hit them all you want, they just won't budge. Words do have more of a lasting impact then fist, especially when the child knows what to expect with physical pain.

 

[Relic]

I don't come to listen to people's kids. I give them a good 10 minutes to shutup, and nothing happens, I'm gonna say something. People make mistakes. Some are children. it's people's responsibility to correct those mistakes. Not just let them haunt other people.
THERE IS social etiquette, and parents handling their children as if they were the same children as the ones they are raising is NOT doing it.

In my case, if we were say, sitting on a bus and my kid was acting up, I'd likely apologize to you for it firstly. "He's acting up, I'm sorry about that bro" and I would handle it as best as I can. Sometimes, a kid is going to be a pain in the @$$ plain and simple. If however you butt in and try to discipline my kid or get in between my kid and I, paternal instincts will take over.

 

[Baryonyx]

How did my dad miss out on reinforcment when I got smacked every single time I did something wrong?
All it reinforced was that I didn't like my dad and would do whatever I wanted to rebel against him.
Why are you typing all in caps btw, you shouting??

How hard was he hitting you if you fought constantly to rebel? Couldn't have been that hard a hit!

"orgasming in public": wailing at the top of lungs incessantly, no cease in volume, no notable sign of any parent making the appropriate corrections to the behavior exhibited.

I think you're mistaken as to what an orgasm is.

 

[scorpionldr]

How did my dad miss out on reinforcment when I got smacked every single time I did something wrong?
All it reinforced was that I didn't like my dad and would do whatever I wanted to rebel against him.
Why are you typing all in caps btw, you shouting??

People seem to post in threads discussing different aspects, views, approaches on parenting, but the conversation ALWAYS moves to the main point: the kid's still screaming.

I don't like my old man the best, it's ok. but really, he got the job done, he made a gentle man. Now we can laugh about the fact that there was some reinforcement to be done that turned out well.

just as a note, i don't mean reinforcement as in continuing the same approach in individual instances where discipline needs to take place. I'm talking about the same instance where a child does one thing wrong, gets smacked, exhibits an attitude towards the parent. Thats not the objective of the smack. The smack is to make what originally happened stop, peacefully, with no adverse reactions. The poor attitude is an adverse reaction. Another smack sends the message "i'm not satisfied, straighten out". Sometimes just a good facial expression shows the threat and eliminates the need for a reinforcement instead sometimes

 

[dlloyd]

But if you teach them to have consideration for others....?

My own situation is that my six-year old acts with consideration for others, even for grumpy middle-aged jazz fans on public transport ... the reason for this is that he learnt long ago that acting inconsiderately towards others is a self-defeating waste of effort, and that acting considerately is likely to give positive results.

 

[scorpionldr]

I think you're mistaken as to what an orgasm is.

we're talking the sounds of crying from a five year old, not a fifty year old. put the audio from a porno "actress" getting pounded in one speaker, and the sounds of a five year old wailing away in the other, and you will hear the same sounds in stereo.

 

[Kyon`]

Orgasm can be nonsexual, just the most common connotation is that.

 

[Relic]

Well, it's got to start somewhere. Lets hope the next generation are better! As such, physical punishment must be regulated and used sparingly. The threat of it is very potent, but you can't really get away with more than a slap when it comes to physical discipline. So reserve it, but like an Indian Nuclear weapon, make sure the threat of it is always there.

Reading this, I think we're on the same page. If used sparingly, a smack on the @$$ is the most dreadful of things for a kid. That's my basic philosophy - parenting requires a whole box full of tools, not just a single screwdriver.

 

[Baryonyx]

we're talking the sounds of crying from a five year old, not a fifty year old. put the audio from a porno "actress" getting pounded in one speaker, and the sounds of a five year old wailing away in the other, and you will hear the same sounds in stereo.

I can see your point but surely you can also see how such a close link between sex and children can be seen as disturbing/wildly inappropriate?

 

[scorpionldr]

I can see your point but surely you can also see how such a close link between sex and children can be seen as disturbing/wildly inappropriate?

which is why i don't watch pornos in public places

 

[Relic]

People seem to post in threads discussing different aspects, views, approaches on parenting, but the conversation ALWAYS moves to the main point: the kid's still screaming.

Not really - what it usually boils down to in threads like this is that different approaches to parenting are thrown around as though one is better than another to get the kid to stop screaming.
There's the reactionary approach: smack the kid across the chops and the proactive approach: show the kid from the get-go that such behavior doesn't work and you wont have to smack the kid across the chops. The fact is that there's a tidbit of truth all around which is why these threads always seem to get so active.
The next standard pattern will be to ask who here has kids and who does not lol, never fails.

 

[Relic]

How hard was he hitting you if you fought constantly to rebel? Couldn't have been that hard a hit!

Hmmm...I would say then that it was either a) not nearly hard enough, or b) much too hard

 

[tZer]

I sympathize with those who have children who are, for whatever reason, out of control in public and putting them in the cross-hairs of the chronically intolerant.

I sympathize with those who are stuck in an unfortunate situation where someone else's child is having a tantrum. It's unpleasant, to say the least.

OK - enough sympathy. That's life, folks. Sometime kids act out and it has absolutely nothing to do with you, your rights as a public citizen, that child's parents, even that child. Sometimes it just has to happen and unfortunately YOU as an adult, need to muster your ability to be tolerant and understanding and simply deal with it. If that's too much for you, you can always remove yourself - and catch the next bus. If that's not an option, buck up and contend. Look at it as an opportunity to put your rarely used ability to empathize with other fellow human beings into play and even as a chance to dust of that rarely used ability to be tolerant in the face of adversity.

Yes, it's unpleasant - we've established that. If you're personally at the end of your ability to deal with such things, that's equally unfortunate. It changes little about the fact that life sometimes puts you into this situations and whether you like it or not, you sometime just have to deal with it. The idea that it's the result of bad parenting, mental illness, food gone bad in the tummy, a toothache - you DON'T know. Get over yourself and learn to deal with all of life - not just the cushy stuff.

 

[PSPookie]

But why do they have the right to inflict that on other people, who may have chosen not to be parents..?

To me it's selfishness...?

What makes you so special that you shouldn't have to tolerate the rest of humanity?

People big and small occasionally suck. Sometimes this happens in public. Your lack of empathy causes me to think that you may be the selfish one here.

Choosing not to have a child does not mean that you won't occasionally have to deal with one any more than choosing not to own a bird will keep your car from getting pooped on. Perhaps your disdain for children is just symptomatic of your larger disdain for the species. A lonely cabin in the woods awaits you.