Host: we need to wait until the people at that table leave, and then we'll move it, and that's the stage.
Me: Who booked this? WHO BOOKED THIS???? HEEEYYYYY!!!! AAAUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!! WHO BOOKED THIS?????
Host: Is there a problem?
Yep. We usually get gigs like this with no stage or house PA. One place we played actually moved a pool table to make room. That was a pretty bad one.
We need to get better gigs.