Possibly leaving the band

[BassJuju]

OK... I'm probably wrong, but here goes anyway. You wrote "It’s a “no pressure” position and the band is mainly about having fun when playing with less focus on everything being perfect." Sounds like you want that to change. I feel the pressure and lack of fun and it only grows as you continue to write.

My advice, relax, have fun, no pressure, just hold down the bottom and kick the keyboard player when they step on your line.

 

[JRA]

About 2 years ago a great friend of mine, who is one of the best guitarist in the area, let me know that the band he was in was losing their bassist and asked if I’d be interested in joining the group. It’s an oldies band that has a house gig each week and plays probably 20-25 other gigs on weekends.
The leader is a vocal legend in our area and has a following. It’s a “no pressure” position and the band is mainly about having fun when playing with less focus on everything being perfect. I took the job and it’s been fun and I get along great with everyone. I first had some problems with the keyboardist because his left hand was always drifting down in my register, but that’s been resolved. As soon as I joined the band it started getting tighter and sounding a lot more professional. It’s the best this band has ever sounded since its inception about 15 years ago....

...but we have some problems that are causing the guitar player, drummer and I to think about leaving.

sounds like you want to change the focus/"culture" of the band. i'd advise you to enjoy this act for what it is, and then roll your own to get closer to your vision!

 

[Wesley R]

Perhaps the girl singer sees it as more of a party than a band.

 

[Pdaddy1978]

Yep....
Sounds like a band alright.

 

[jimmydean]

I know the feeling......I've been living it for years . No practice, learn material on the fly , same songs 98% of the time and BL working with 2 other acts that he also books and in spite of the band I'm with being paid double of the other acts it is becoming detrimental to our audience numbers and bookings from a couple venues . I am gone when/if I find another band...........it's been 10 years so far .

 

[Jeff Hughes]

Is it just a matter of principle that makes you feel these things?
It is not like you can't do other gigs, but if it is not fun, then free up your time.
Playing in a band is a choice for some while others have put all of their eggs in that basket and have less freedom to switch careers/side income streams.
I would be more annoyed at having to make it to rehearsals where nothing was accomplished and attitudes an drinking excessively were the norm. The lack of rehearsal is a nice feature of a band in my opinion...especially if you play out often.

 

[51PRI]

About 2 years ago a great friend of mine, who is one of the best guitarist in the area, let me know that the band he was in was losing their bassist and asked if I’d be interested in joining the group. It’s an oldies band that has a house gig each week and plays probably 20-25 other gigs on weekends.
The leader is a vocal legend in our area and has a following. It’s a “no pressure” position and the band is mainly about having fun when playing with less focus on everything being perfect. I took the job and it’s been fun and I get along great with everyone.
I first had some problems with the keyboardist because his left hand was always drifting down in my register, but that’s been resolved.

As soon as I joined the band it started getting tighter and sounding a lot more professional. It’s the best this band has ever sounded since its inception about 15 years ago, but we have some problems that are causing the guitar player, drummer and I to think about leaving.

1) We’ve had 4 rehearsals in two years so no new material has been added in quite a while.
2) When we decide to learn a song the keyboard player never works on it at home.
3) We’ve been trying to stick to a setlist to keep things moving but the leader changes things in the middle of the set causing delays between tunes.
4) We have two people in the band who drink quite a bit & it’s starting to create problems.
5). Last week we had a “vocals only” rehearsal. The girl singer is very good but when it comes to singing background parts she just sings whatever she wants whenever she wants. We decided to work on parts and when she was asked to learn some parts she rolled her eyes, but complied with our suggestion. However she didn’t bother write down anything and when it came to the two gigs we had last week, she sang whatever whenever. When she was asked about it she just smiled, rolled her eyes and walked away.
6) The girl singer also has a habit of texting while on-stage, putting on lip gloss on-stage and walking off the stage when she’s supposed to be singing background. She doesn’t walk off consistently otherwise we could work address it. She might be in the middle of singing a background part and just walk off to socialize.

The drummer and I are having a meeting tomorrow afternoon with the BL to bring all of this up and to let him know he’s about to lose most of his rhythm section in one quick swipe.
I’ve never been a part of band where members don’t want to work to get better. It’s also something I don’t care to be a part of.

I feel your pain. A lot of your story sounds like mine with the (blues?) band that I've been in for over 21 years. I've tried talking to them. I've suggested having regular rehearsals to learn new material. I've tried saying we need to update because we're losing gigs and not getting repeat gigs and we're getting stale and phoning it in. All to no avail. My "solution", suggested to me by good folks here, is to look for other opportunities, projects, bands, and that's what I have done. The new band likes to rehearse and work out parts, harmonies, endings, etc. which is the way I prefer to work, too. So right now, while I'm still playing in my band #1 band #2 is holding more of my interest. And I have two possible other projects as well.

May I suggest that you (1) don't quit the band but (2) find another outlet that will more closely suit the way you want to work in a band. Then stay in both bands. FInd a sub for your band #1 for those times that there might be a booking conflict. If the time comes with band #2 becomes band #1 then so be it.

Good Luck.

 

[logdrum]

I do not know what world it is where a texting performer and walks off to socialize exists, unless she is sleeping with the BL. I do not think you have any traction in this. You guys can either grin it or just find another band. Also the success of this band with those actors (the singer and the drunks) will probably not last. But maybe it will. You can sweep a lot under the carpet or cover bruises with make up, Best of luck.

 

[51PRI]

I do not know what world it is where a texting performer and walks off to socialize exists, unless she is sleeping with the BL. I do not think you have any traction in this. You guys can either grin it or just find another band. Also the success of this band with those actors (the singer and the drunks) will probably not last. But maybe it will. You can sweep a lot under the carpet or cover bruises with make up, Best of luck.

I don't know how much actual gigging experience you have but I've seen nearly everything you can see on stage. At one gig our drummer, previous band a LONG time ago, ordered a pizza, we were playing in a bar that made pizzas, and had it delivered on stage. He sat it on his floor tom and ate it while we were playing.

 

[logdrum]

I don't know how much actual gigging experience you have but I've seen nearly everything you can see on stage. At one gig our drummer, previous band a LONG time ago, ordered a pizza, we were playing in a bar that made pizzas, and had it delivered on stage. He sat it on his floor tom and ate it while we were playing.

LOL. Crazy, the world has changed. Had as much as 7 - 9 gigs a week with a union card, NYC . I also had a swing shift 4 days a week. Yeah there is probably sex in the green room along with lines -- depending on what BL it is but always well behave and professional when the show starts. Helps that it is the only or major source of income back then, I have not seen this here locally in ABQ and Santa Fe. There are drunks and addictive types- I get that , but the texting is something I only heard today - walking out because you are sick or too stoned can happen but not too socialize.

 

[Bullitt5135]

For me, the hardest thing about a break up is fearing what people will think of me. Once I got over that, my life has gotten much less complicated. It took me 15 years of playing with the wrong people to realize that life is way too short to waste time on a situation that is eating away at my soul.

 

[Bar Band Bassman]

Ditto. Just gave notice myself.

BBB

 

[DrBnz]

I thought you said that "you", the guitar player and drummer are thinking about leaving. That sounds backward that the core members of the band are leaving. I think what I heard you say is you need to fire the keyboard player and singers. TODAY

 

[Pep]

Talking with the vocal-legend band leader is where it starts and ends. It's BL's prerogative to care and respond. Threats of leverage like leaving will likely have little-to-no weight from non-legend side players. Hopefully, BL's a skilled, effective listener, and cares to address some of the "possible" issues defined by others.

The moment the "airing of grievances" occurs, the BL will be looking for replacements, if it hasn't already begun. The BL is standing in the middle of this from all sides of the band anyway, already aware, with shrugged shoulders and head shaking. And, your job is to accompany (compliment) the BL, not vice versa. Mutiny? Prepare to walk the plank. .

If he choses to replace one or all of us, that’s fine since we're planning on leaving if things don’t change anyway. Besides that he’s 81 and trying yo rebuild a band isn’t something he would do.

 

[Tj smith]

I’ve been in a 7 piece country band for the last 2 years and we’ve practiced 4-5x total also. For some reason they don’t think practice is necessary but I disagree. I’d like to practice once a month just to keep it tight but unfortunately I’m just the bass player so I hear ya.

 

[Pep]

Imagine how disrespectful it would be if the female singer referred to you as a “boy.” If I were her, I’d definitely be rolling my eyes at you too. Perhaps you could relax, have a beer, and enjoy yourself. It’s just a local cover band, it doesn’t need to be a military operation.

She didn’t roll her eyes at me, she rolled them at the guitar player and the band leader.

 

[jthisdell]

I can put up with a lot of BS but not learning new material is a deal breaker for me. I get that you don't "need" to practice regularly but there are so many good songs out there to learn.

 

[wboyd68]

Imagine how disrespectful it would be if the female singer referred to you as a “boy.” If I were her, I’d definitely be rolling my eyes at you too. Perhaps you could relax, have a beer, and enjoy yourself. It’s just a local cover band, it doesn’t need to be a military operation.

I agree. It was stated that this is a fun band with no pressure.

 

[klyph]

Expecting any sort of change, incremental or otherwise, from an 81 year old is kind of bonkers. The repertoire and rehearsal problems wouldn’t be dealbreakers for me, but attitude and drinking would make me consider leaving.
I hate to say it because it’s dishonest, but I would probably hold onto the weekday regular gig and refuse any others, saying I was already booked. Of course, I would do this because I rely on gig money, and you haven’t given an indication of what the pay is like. I can usually pick up good sub gigs on weekends, but a steady weekday gig is a great thing for a gigging musician to have in this day and age. It’s also the only venue where the transgressive behavior can be excused- if it’s confined to that gig, it’s one thing, but to have that stuff go on at a venue you might want to book another band, or much worse at a private function - that would be quitting time, for me.
It’s a long standing gig with an 81 year old singer. How long is it going to last? Do you really have something better to do once a week? If the answer is an emphatic “yes”, then having any sort of “sit-down” with the BL is a waste of time.
I would echo the sentiment that you should relax and have fun, which is where you were at before your ego intervened.
I would also pass along advice I got years ago- “ don’t quit, just get busy doing other things “.
If refusing gigs outside of the steady weekday gets you fired, what have you lost? Nothing. But if the weekend work pays better than the alternative, you might want to suck it up. I would be willing to bet there are guys half your age who would LOVE those gigs. There always are.

 

[LuckyScott]

It is what it is.
No band is perfect.
It was a loose band when you joined and it’s still a loose band.
You will probably never find the perfect blend of casual and serious professionals in a band.
Nobody in the audience cares what the girl singer sings. It only bothers you.
You mentioned the band leader is a local with a following. He has all the power and leverage in this situation. He can always find a new bass player and drummer.