Put this FAQ in your next Craigslist ad to minimize the frustrations

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by ih8law, Jun 8, 2017.

  1. ih8law


    Aug 8, 2009
    Houston, TX
    Feel free to copy/paste at your leisure:

    I have received numerous inquiries that contain similar questions or requests. I'm making the following FAQ to address them:


    Q: Will you trade your pedals for a [guitar, bass, other pedal, drugs, guns, etc.]?
    A: No. Hard no. Cash only. No trades.

    Q: Does it come with a patch cable, AC adapter, instruction booklet, warranty card, carrying case, battery, etc?
    A: No. Just the pedal.

    Q: What is your return policy?
    A: I'm not Guitar Center or a product manufacturer. I'm just some guy. All items are sold as-is. As noted, each of these pedals works great, so I don't have concerns about that. But I'm not going to keep your money in a lock box for six months just in case you have buyer's remorse and want a refund because you changed your mind or decide you don't like the color. That's how Craigslist works, folks, and we're all adults here. I'm not going to risk my career by perpetrating some fraud over a $50 guitar effects pedal, and your life will be better off by daring to invite a little faith in humanity here.

    Q: Is the pedal still available?
    A: Yes. I will update this ad to reflect whether any pedal is sold or otherwise becomes unavailable.

    Q: Will you travel some unholy distance to deliver the pedal to me?
    A: No. I'm too busy with work and family to do that. Exception: I will consider delivery if you buy 4 or more pedals at one time.

    Q: Do you accept any form of payment other than cash?
    A: No.

    Q: But I'm hot and wearing tight, revealing clothing calculated to titulate the senses. Surely we can work out an alternative to your rigid "cash only" policy.
    A: Get thee hence. Your charms shall not work on me. Come with money in well-washed hand.

    Q: Can I talk you out of your "no trades" policy by offering you multiple low-quality items in a series of obnoxious emails?
    A: No.

    Q: My plan is to lure you into meeting with me, at which time I will announce that it is "time to talk turkey" and then I'll lowball you. Will this plan have a reasonable chance of success?
    A: No. The result will be bewilderment, frustration, anger and a simple declaration from me: "no pedal for you."

    Q: I think I have concocted the perfect, unique plan to defeat you. At the meetup, I will dangle a stack of cash in an amount less than the agreed price right in front of you. You won't be able to resist the temptation to take it because the money is in such close proximity. Checkmate, right?
    A: Wrong. I've seen money before, so the sight of even newly minted bills will not overcome my sensibilities. Also, I'm not trying to fund a drug habit or back child support payments, so you're really dealing with a low desperation factor here. Reconsider your options.

    Q: If I miss our meet up appointment, would you still be willing to sell the pedal to me? Perhaps at a discount?
    A: No. If you miss our appointment, your only recourse is to pay double my asking price to get my attention and forgiveness.

    Q: Will you accept cash payments over time?
    A: No. I lack a sufficient record keeping infrastructure to maintain a reliable layaway system. Plus, I'm not K-Mart. Who still uses layaway? Max out the cash advance on your credit cards like an adult, and push off the consequences of impulse purchases for another day.

    Q: Is this pedal usable for metal?
    A: Yes. Yes, it most certainly is.
  2. LOL! Great stuff!
    nixdad likes this.
  3. ak56


    Apr 2, 2015
    Carnation, Wa
    Does the pedal come with its original box?:smug:
  4. Robroy

    Robroy Guest

    Jun 21, 2006
    That right there is high quality humor. :)
    nixdad likes this.
  5. Killed_by_Death

    Killed_by_Death Snaggletooth Inactive

    IMHO, if a person needs to put an item on layaway, they should find another hobby.
  6. ih8law


    Aug 8, 2009
    Houston, TX
    If you've sold stuff on Craigslist with any regularity, I'm sure you can see where I'm coming from when I wrote this. Each buyer that offers a crummy trade proposal or lowballs you at the last minute acts like he's the first person to develop such a strategy. It drives me bonkers.
    Garret Graves likes this.
  7. Robroy

    Robroy Guest

    Jun 21, 2006
    I've not sold much. I mostly buy. But I have seen people offer an item for $X and when you call, they say they have someone willing to pay "X+Y" $ for it. That always cracks me up.

    I tell them this isn't ebay, but good luck with their auction.
    Killed_by_Death likes this.
  8. Killed_by_Death

    Killed_by_Death Snaggletooth Inactive

    FB groups are the same way. My problem is that I'll voice my frustration at having driven to meet them & wasted my time.
    The biggest P/O for me was when I drove 20 miles to meet a guy who wanted to trade his MIK Telecaster. I was looking to switch to fixed bridge from my Strat.

    Well, his Tele was from Indonesia. I asked him, while stood at the back of his truck looking at it, if he couldn't read or something, because it clearly said Indonesia RIGHT THERE (and I pointed to it)
    He'd told me by FB messenger the evening prior that it was from Korea. Now I ask for photos first, before I drive to meet anyone. If they won't produce the photo, they're a liar.

    but TBH, I've given away more stuff at these types of meetings since December
    the last item was a pack of strings that GC threw in when they shipped me a faulty bass :mad:
    after taking almost a week to ship it, they threw the strings in for courtesy
    the dude even asked me which size I wanted & still gave me the wrong ones :banghead:

    that was a good meeting though, we talked bass & gear for 45 minutes & I learned of Victor Wooten's method for stretching the tendons in your hands/arms
    Garret Graves and Robroy like this.
  9. Wha?!? Assuming that you're implying that the "hot" person with revealing clothing is female, when has this ever happened over equipment? I've sold tons of equipment on Craigslist, and I think only once was one female. And, no, she didn't offer sex for a guitar pedal.

    Then again, if it's a dude, well I can see that. Go on with your bad selves, boys.
  10. Gaolee

    Gaolee Official leathers tester and crash dummy

    The oddest CL thing that happened to me was selling an amplifier for a certain price, and having a potential buyer offer me a bass guitar that was worth a whole lot more than my asking price. And, I turned around and sold that bass guitar for what it was worth. We were both happy in the end, I guess. I was. It's the only time I have ever taken an unexpected trade offer. I'm 100% sure it will never, ever happen again.
    indieandrew11 likes this.
  11. Robroy

    Robroy Guest

    Jun 21, 2006

    I was moving and had to get rid of two Honda V45 750's that did not run. I put it in CL as "parting out. Parts are free but you have to take them off yourself."

    So a guy comes by with a friend, is shocked at the condition of the two bikes and offers me a hundred bucks to just take them away.

    I agreed. :)

    I've sometimes wondered if what he did ever hit him on the way home. :D
  12. GIBrat51

    GIBrat51 Innocent as the day is long Supporting Member

    Thanks. I'll definitely use this - assuming I ever have a pedal at all, and decide to sell it...:whistle:
    ih8law likes this.
  13. And I

    And I

    Feb 19, 2009
    Witchtown, MA
    I think you need to revise the "Can I use this for metal" answer to be specific to each and every sub-genre of metal.
  14. Razman

    Razman Supporting Member

    Feb 10, 2005
    Orange Park, FL
    Good stuff - I'll gladly plagiarize some of this in my next CL ad(s). Thanks!

    Do I owe you anything for this??


    ih8law likes this.
  15. ih8law


    Aug 8, 2009
    Houston, TX
    I suppose, just this once, I could waive my stringent anti-trade policy. I will consider any gear trade proposals you'd like to offer for use of this FAQ. :D
    Razman likes this.
  16. ih8law


    Aug 8, 2009
    Houston, TX
    I'll admit that this scenario didn't actually happen to me in real life, but did play out in my imagination when I was a young lad. I was just trying to be proactive here in case the temptation came to fruition. This is the safer course of action, as with my luck the lady making the generous offer would almost certainly fail to appear as described at the time of the exchange.
    indieandrew11 and Ubersheist like this.
  17. This reminds me of the time I posted a compressor pedal for sale on a local music gear FB page, complete with images and description, and got several replies asking if it would work on sneakers or t shirts and if it came with stencils and a spray gun.
    indieandrew11 and Ubersheist like this.
  18. Wow. If things get this misunderstood or whatever in the "for Sale" section of Craigslist, imagine what they're like in the "Casual Connections" section of Craigslist.
    ih8law and petrus61 like this.