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Question about Basses and Ex(s)

#42
Personally, I see the divorce as being irrelevant to this conversation. If there's no sentimental attachment, then do with the basses as you would if you had bought them for yourself. So basically, sell them to me for really cheap! ;-)
 
#43
Since they have no sentimental value, then keep one or both if you play them regularly. However, after a divorce is a good time to lighten your load in general, and decide which of your possessions are necessary or beneficial, and which are superfluous. Scaling down and shedding excess is always a good thing. Pivotal life moments afford an opportunity to look at what's been, and what will be, and make decisions accordingly to move toward what's important to you in life.
 
#45
buzzbass said:
Ok so the short story is that I now find myself divorced after 26 yrs. Life is cool and I'm not suicidal, LOL. Here's the question. In our time together she gave me a 78 PBass, very clean condition, like new almost. She also gave me a used, but still sweet, Lakland 55-64. Trans white, ash, birdseye board, Basslines p'ups. Now she did surprise me with these as gifts, I found them and said buy this. No sentiment there, even though one was a christmas gift and the other a 10th anniv. Do I keep them or swap them out for something else, and why ? The Lakalnd gets played fairly regular, the P never gets touched. I have the P because that's what I played in HS and I wanted to have a recreation of that bass. I'm a 5 string guy. Before you ask, no I don't get sad/mad/nostalgic when I see or play them. So, what do you think ?
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Communal property. Work it out in trade.

Just asking, you probably bought her an equal value in gifts over the years, right? If so, there should be no guilt over continuing to use them.

Anyway, sorry to hear that. I've been fortunate as my wife and I have been married over 41 years now. My oldest son not so lucky, is 3 years into a very bitter divorce, and a very expensive ( we are footing the bill taking me out of retirement) contentious custody battle after 15 years of marriage. It sucks anyway you slice it.
 
#47
Bassbeater said:
Actually I'm pretty sure basses and music gear would fall under tools of the trade if the poster is a working musician or gifts if the bass playing is a hobby. They wouldn't be involved in a property division settlement. This doesn't seem to be an issue in this divorce though.
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Obviously I am not a lawyer, and what I posted was not meant to be taken as legal advice. The comment was intended as emotional support. If I crossed the line, my apologies.
 
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#48
buzzbass said:
Ok so the short story is that I now find myself divorced after 26 yrs. Life is cool and I'm not suicidal, LOL. Here's the question. In our time together she gave me a 78 PBass, very clean condition, like new almost. She also gave me a used, but still sweet, Lakland 55-64. Trans white, ash, birdseye board, Basslines p'ups. Now she did surprise me with these as gifts, I found them and said buy this. No sentiment there, even though one was a christmas gift and the other a 10th anniv. Do I keep them or swap them out for something else, and why ? The Lakalnd gets played fairly regular, the P never gets touched. I have the P because that's what I played in HS and I wanted to have a recreation of that bass. I'm a 5 string guy. Before you ask, no I don't get sad/mad/nostalgic when I see or play them. So, what do you think ?
Click to expand...

Sell the P... you're not sentimentally attached to it, nor do you care to use it.
 
#49
dbsfgyd1 said:
Obviously I am not a lawyer, and what I posted was not meant to be taken as legal advice. The comment was intended as emotional support. If I crossed the line, my apologies.
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Lol at crossing a line.
I only know about this because my future ex wife tried to take everything important to me and claim it as communal property. Instruments and studio gear were off the table because I'm a musician. I basically only own instruments and studio gear. Big sigh of relief!
 
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#50
dbsfgyd1 said:
Communal property. Work it out in trade.

Just asking, you probably bought her an equal value in gifts over the years, right? If so, there should be no guilt over continuing to use them.

Anyway, sorry to hear that. I've been fortunate as my wife and I have been married over 41 years now. My oldest son not so lucky, is 3 years into a very bitter divorce, and a very expensive ( we are footing the bill taking me out of retirement) contentious custody battle after 15 years of marriage. It sucks anyway you slice it.
Click to expand...

No nothing like that, I took my crap and walked. Basically left her ALL other assets. I'm fine with that. I knew I hurt her by leaving and I didn't want anything to change for my kids.
 
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#51
Bassbeater said:
Actually I'm pretty sure basses and music gear would fall under tools of the trade if the poster is a working musician or gifts if the bass playing is a hobby. They wouldn't be involved in a property division settlement. This doesn't seem to be an issue in this divorce though.
Click to expand...

she doesn't want any of my personal stuff. It was more of a philosophical question.
 
#55
You're lucky, the only thing my ex ever gave me was a persecution complex...

If you like them, keep them. If not, sell. There's (theoretically) no conditions attached to gifts.
 
#56
buzzbass said:
Ok so the short story is that I now find myself divorced after 26 yrs. Life is cool and I'm not suicidal, LOL. Here's the question. In our time together she gave me a 78 PBass, very clean condition, like new almost. She also gave me a used, but still sweet, Lakland 55-64. Trans white, ash, birdseye board, Basslines p'ups. Now she did surprise me with these as gifts, I found them and said buy this. No sentiment there, even though one was a christmas gift and the other a 10th anniv. Do I keep them or swap them out for something else, and why ? The Lakalnd gets played fairly regular, the P never gets touched. I have the P because that's what I played in HS and I wanted to have a recreation of that bass. I'm a 5 string guy. Before you ask, no I don't get sad/mad/nostalgic when I see or play them. So, what do you think ?
Click to expand...

If you like them and they suit you, keep them. If they don't, them unload them.

</thread>
 
#57
If the divorce is final and you came away with the basses they are yours to use or dispose of as you see fit. When an instrument keeps you tied to a life you've left behind then you should consider making a change, whether selling, giving, trading or ???

I must have friends who are really different from most. In all but one case my divorced friends still get along well with their exes. Several of them get together for dinners or at parties along with their new spouses/partners. I've never understood why so many people feel a need to wallow in their own bile making themselves and the people around them unhappy, long term. Let it go! The only thing their hostility achieves is people avoiding them.
 
#58
I got rid of everything my ex gave me besides the carboard box bass that I assembled and customized myself. regardless of sentiments they were still from her and I knew it so when I played them I knew where they came from. you can't turn that off.

im still upset about the Ibanez cheapo 4 string. probably the best playing 4 string I've ever touched...
 

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