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quitting after an extreme and intense 6 years

#21
Maybe it's time you set the bass down and picked up something else.

If music still interests you and it's just the fact that you don't think you're good enough maybe try picking up a different instrument? I don't know about you but for me learning a new instrument is very intriguing and it will really open your eyes musically, and of course you will be a beginner so no pressure to be amazing!
 
#22
You should take a break man. I did the same thing multiple times in my musical career and still am in certain ways to this day. I started playing drums in middle school and that was all I did. I thought I wanted to teach music but I burned out about my junior year. I had found my style and was good but I hated it, I hated my teachers and everyone around me. I am also bipolar and that might have been a part of it but I doubt it. I quit playing in a local steel drum band for a year but missed it and went back. As soon as I graduated I never played drums again. I now play bass because I missed music and I missed that particular instrument. I am taking it slow now and just enjoying myself and I think thats all you really can do. Take a break and no matter how much you hate it now, it probably will hook you again some time. And when it does take it slow and have FUN eff goals to be that best. Thats what got you man. Thats what got me. Music is an amplification of emotion and as a musician life is quite laking without it.
 
#23
So many kind, helpful, insightful, wise and humane posts in this thread.
I am stunned by this forum.
As a person who battled depression and hopefully won once and for all, I can tell you that this is normal. You shouldn't force your emotions or break yourself over how you THINK you should feel. You should take RATIONAL actions to achieve the EMOTIONAL state you think is right. (And you may be surprised that it's not what you want at all)
You want to reconnect with music... And you tried playing more and more. Well, maybe it's time to simply... not play? Maybe even not listen.
Maybe this is is weird and I would appreciate feedback on this, but I, for one, didn't listen to music actively for about 1 year while I was depressed, and since then it's on and off. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. And I don't let it affect my life, so what if I don't feel like listening to music?!
This is all advice and observations, should be taken with a grain of salt but do know that I commented because I feel like I care about your situation in the first place. I hope you resolve all your issues, buddy.
 
#24
Langer93, I can sense the pain in your heart. As a health professional, I am concerned that you get the right help when you need it.

Thanks for the updated post as I missed the OP. Sounds like things are improving and that's good.

Looking back to August though, the suicide reference really gets my attention. Please promise me and your TB brothers that you will seek immediate help from a mental health pro or a trusted friend if you should have any urge to harm yourself. Can you please make that promise?

My best to you.
 
#25
Langer93 said:
New meds and shaky hands, I took a little hiatus..? Back at College now (doesn't help) but I actually think I'm slowly getting back into it. Everything everyone has said here has been really helpful and kind. I am really grateful for all your kind words of wisdom.
Thank you!!
Click to expand...

Good to hear. Don't stop going to class; stay in school. Try to see people. If bass is not your thing now find something else, anything! Life is tough but you'll get tougher when going through those weird moments. Meds can take 2-4 weeks before really helping (for antidepressor) and surely more for humor stabilizor. Don't stop it before medical advice! (It really helps in the long run) Reduce/stop alcool/drug if any. Stay strong, get good sleep, try to eat regularly and nice food, and make physical exercises (in any kind) if you can; that really helps!

Take care! :bassist:
 
#26
And don't underestimate the power of saying to yourself "I will not think this way." I don't suggest you can "wish away" a physiological disorder, but with enough practice, you can change the "tape loop" playing in your head. Being attentive to your "self-talk" and making a conscious effort to "change the dialogue" of that talk can do wonders for changing your outlook. Even simple things like when faced with a new musical piece and your normal "self talk" is "this is going to be hard" or "these other players are so much better" -- just make the decision to change those words to "I will not be intimidated by this," "I can conquer this with practice," and "I can play this as good as anyone else." Practice changing the discussion with yourself and you'll be amazed on how that can translate into reality. That and the other advice you've received here may help change your outlook regardless of whether or not you decide to take a break from playing bass.
 
#27
Comparing yourself to other musicians is poisonous.

I was very aware of my "position" in my class at college. Fast-forward a few decades, and funnily enough, hardly any of the hotdogs from my class are even active in music.

Balance and hard work in the long haul, matter far more than your developmental status at one particular point in your career.
 
#28
Sounds like you have let the people around you take the joy out of playing. Ignore them. Like Victor Bailey told me. Play the bass because YOU love playing the bass. get away from comparing yourself to others, that's a no win game for anybody. Just as we all have a different voice when we talk, yoo too have your own individual voice on bass and you do have something to offer. Play for the joy that it brings you. AS you already know if you look for others to validate you, you often get your feelings hurt. Some folks are mean and cruel. Leave them alone and their negativity. To be able to play an instrument is a gift and not everbody has that gift. Look at your playing as a gift that has been given to you. You are special and the way you play is special tool Don't pay attention to the haters. Play on man, play on.
 
#29
Ok lets look at the basics of this, i think this has become overcomplicated. You have been playing six years and are not where you want to be. If you are "putting the frighteners" on your instructor, that means it is time to find a new one. Your bass teacher should be able to blow you away every time with his brilliance - if he no longer does that its time to upgrade.

You compare yourself with another group of players, well let me tell you they have all probably been playing twice as long as you. Six years is a solid start but music is bigger than that.

Find a new instructor, set those guys at the music school as a goal and not a comparison, and be glad of your advancement. Even if the people you compare to have been playing 10 years, compare yourself now with 4 years ago. I think you get the idea. Youre probably a bit past half way of where you want to be
 
#30
I know this is a bit off topic but... Look at this quote from the Guildhall website "There are no up front tuition fee costs for new UK/EU students eligible for a student loan and nothing to repay until earnings reach at least £21,000. After 30 years any remaining debt is cancelled." Tution is £9,000/yr or about $14,000 for a UK/EU student. Compare that to Berklee which is more than $17,000 a semester! I know plenty of Berklee and Oberlin grads and most of them are working crap jobs and will NEVER get out from under their loans and because of that are having to make choices that will make it hard for them to seriously pursue careers in music. It's the worst kind of catch-22 hell. If I knew a kid that who had the chops to get into a serious school here in the states and was serious about making a life as a working musician, I'd tell him to go get a gig and learn on the job. Getting paid is better than going into debt and no degree is worth as much as a music degree if you end up doing something else.
 
#31
If you really hate it, then it's time to take a break for a bit. Just long enough until you're interested in it again, which might happen in a week or might not happen at all. But if you don't enjoy it for now, there's no point in doing it. Music is supposed to be enjoyable.

I got to a similar point in my playing so I just stopped. I didn't know how long it would be for, I just knew I needed to step back from it for a bit. It ended up being 8 years. But after those 8 years the desire to play returned to me and I remember what a fulfilling part of my life was missing and I knew I wanted it back.

As of a few years ago, I'm back playing and I have a much better perspective on it than I ever did before and it's even more fun than it used to be! You just gotta go with what your gut and heart are telling you and be true to that. The rest will work itself out.
 
#33
Langer93 said:
:help:What should I do? I've been playing for 6 years, I've got to the level where I put the frighteners on my teachers and peers. Yet even when I went to look at Guildhall school of music I felt so alien and sub-par in comparison to the people there. If I'm not bored and being put off by my local college and tempted to smear what is left of my brains up the wall, I feel like such an ill-informed infant. I feel completely hopeless and lost. I have Bi polar and normally I get round to being music again thanks to the mood swings but for 2 years now I've not enjoyed music and at points I've HATED it. Please help, genuine advice would really be appreciated!
Thanks,


Tom
Click to expand...

Just quit. You aren't good enough anyway.
 
#34
OP, I can't comment on the bipolar, but I can comment on the feeling of inferiority. In life, there is always going to be someone better than you at whatever it is you are doing, whether that be music, finance, plumbing, etc. As someone pointed out earlier, if everyone who had feelings of inferiority quit, there wouldn't be many people doing much of anything :-) The sooner you recognise this the sooner you will be able to do whatever it is you decide to do to the best of your ability without being intimidated by those who you perceive to be better than you.
 
#35
I think i have similar situation with you.

I have read somewhere, said if you want to quit, just quit. Play again when you want to play. If you don't stop now, there is even a bigger chance that you don't want to play again. I have heard people studying in Juilliard or conservatories ended up working in hair salon.

I have been playing some jazz gigs, and most of them are beyond my ability. Then... i started feel nothing when i play music. I don't enjoy it at all. I still have people ask me to play gigs, but i have turned down most of them (except those are easy to handle or have really good money)

Just listen to what makes you want to play bass in your first place. For me, after resting for a month, i started listen to Michael Jackson's music again. I can feel the groove of his songs better than when i first start. I also listened to Smashing Pumpkins songs, and adore their melodic guitar riffs writing skills. And not those 7/8 or complicated chord changes that i can barely or cannot handle.

Rest. If you don't have a happy life, or you don't enjoy yourself, how can you play good music. Find out if music can motivates you to play again.
 
#36
sounds like you are playing for all the wrong reasons man;

Music is one of the most therapeutic things in the world for any ailment especially emotional stuff..

Play for fun b because you enjoy it etc..

GO ahead quit if you want to no ones stopping u ..
 

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