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relationship question

#21
ssbass said:
She claims that he is like a brother and family and that is it, but her recent outburst makes me think differently. I agree i'm on good terms with my ex's but i don't hang out with them.

I'm trying to compromise and be understanding of there relationship,but it seems if i say anything about it that she doesn't like she becomes very upset and defensive and goes on the attack. Again he is getting married I don't understand why she cares so much.
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She`s hoping he`ll change his mind and pick her.

I actually don`t know, but all I can say from past experiences both through myself and friends, if a girl still hangs out and talks to her ex on a regular basis then she still has feelings for the guy. This isn`t necessarily always a bad thing. I can`t think of a single ex of mine who I don`t still care for in at least the tinniest degree. However, she`s doing it to an extent that is very unhealthy both for herself, her ex, and most importantly, you. There`s a lot of reason to have concerns here and I for one don`t think you`re out of line at all. You`re just telling her how it is in "the real world" and she`s just refusing to accept that life isn`t always butterflies and daisies. I`d split now, but if you choose to wait then so be it. If it continues after the wedding then you have a responsibility to yourself to get out of that relationship before wifey gets jealous of her husband talking to his ex nonstop and comes after her, you, your possessions, and anything else she can destroy.

There`s a reason for the old saying: "Bitches be crazy."
 
#23
ssbass said:
She proceeded to tell him this and he flipped out, told her he didn’t want to be friends anymore and he felt he didn’t need to put up with that.
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He's trying to manipulate her and is still treating her like they are still in the relationship. And.........she's falling for it.

You cannot open one door until the other is shut, completely.
She needs to break that off if she cares about you. They still have a relationship (maybe physical or not) and you are in their middle.

They do not seem to be able to let go nor live with each other, so both you, and his new gal are going to suffer.

Is this gal really, honestly worth all this drama?
Family okay........but not ex's.

Find someone that will make you happy in all respects. Do you honestly wanna deal with her ex for the next 5, 10, 20 years?

You are going out with her, not her ex.

So she starts an argument with me telling me i'm jealous and insecure and I can’t tell her who she can and can’t talk to. He is her best friend, he’s like a brother, and he’s like family. Bla bla bla. Red flag!
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She's played this manipulation card before:)
Don't be a chump.
It is her insecurity about moving on.
She has guilt, they both do about the past.
They cannot move on and close that door.

She does not care about you and the relationship you have with her if she really meant that. Be honest with yourself here, honesty sounds nice, but it dang hard to do. It takes real sack, but it will not do you wrong, you already know the answer I suspect:eyebrow:

My girl friend proceeds to flip out on me telling me I’m insure and its disturbing that I think like that and she has an issue with it.
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And you got played a second time, think that's going to change in the future? She does not care about your feelings.
Her actions speak for themself.

Comprende hermano?

My question is would you stay in a relationship with someone who was that close to an X and that defensive. I men the guys getting married, what do I have to be insecure about or jealous
of.
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Does not mean you will be happy knowing that either. I'm sure she will tell you there's nothign to worry about. This is about how she is treating you.

I just don’t understand her out burst and if there’s more to it.
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Ya think?
You are asking questions to which you already know the answers.
There are good parts I'm sure, but then there are bad parts like this. There's always some trade offs, but there's someone that will really care about you much more out there and will treat you right.

That much I know.

Is she unhappy he’s getting married? Is she helping out so much for someone she barely knows to stay close? I don’t get it. Any opinions would be great
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She has not closed the door on her past, she cannot move forward with you. You are mister rebound guy it sounds like.
Get a gal that's sane and over her ex so she can focus on you, not her past.

Relationships come and go and while breaking up sucks, the future is very bright. I do not think that one will end well without you leaving. It's not fair to you.

Also, you will focus on playing bass a lot more after/during a break up. Good positive therapy for the soul. Date your bass instead, it will treat you much better.

Tom
 
#24
How long ago did she and this guy break up, and how long have they known each other? I also see reg flags here, but if they were long time friends before their relationship and/or their relationship ended years ago I'd be less concerned.

I wonder if this guy is still on the rebound himself if he's marrying someone he's only known for a few months.
 
#26
Nedmundo said:
How long ago did she and this guy break up, and how long have they known each other? I also see reg flags here, but if they were long time friends before their relationship and/or their relationship ended years ago I'd be less concerned.

I wonder if this guy is still on the rebound himself if he's marrying someone he's only known for a few months.
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They were together for 2.5 years meet at work. I said say they have been spit for 1.5, 2 years.
 
#27
EricF said:
I wonder how the ex's fiancee feels about the situation. Seems to me like it might be odd on that side of the fence, too.

The obvious solution...start hanging out with the ex's fiancee! ;)
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That's the thing shes helping her with wedding. They meet maybe 3 times.I don't have a problem with them being friends, I don't understand why she gets so hostile and defensive when the subject comes up. I don't know if the fiancee even knows that those 2 use to be in long term relations. I don't the whole thing is just strange. I have been in short/long term relations and have never dealt with something like this.
 
#30
You mentioned that your gf considers her ex "like a brother" or "like family". Every serious relationship I've ever been in, I've met not only my gf's family, but also pretty much all of their good friends, and they've met mine. Although you've been open to meeting her ex, you said she won't allow it. Either she's hiding him from you, or she's hiding you from him. Whatever the case, there's something wonky going on. Like I said earlier, maybe she hasn't even come to terms with how she honestly feels about him - or you.
 
#31
I agree with everything EricF has said. If she really means a lot to you so it's worth further evaluation, propose a nice dinner with all four of you to "celebrate." Say you want to do something nice for the couple, especially because he's "like family" to your girlfriend. Under normal circumstances, a girlfriend would go for this almost as much as a chick flick followed by a two hour back rub.

If she balks, you know something's wrong, and either you need to bail or she needs to 'fess up so you can work from there. If she goes for it, you can check out the vibes between them, and I suspect you'll either confirm your (well-founded) concerns, or realize it's not a problem.

If you haven't seen them together, it's difficult to know for sure, but if your instincts are telling you something's wrong, it probably is. Whenever I've failed to follow strong instincts on something like this, I've regretted it.
 
#37
Plantbrain said:
She's played this manipulation card before
Don't be a chump
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Yep

Big Time over-reaction to your reasonable concern - check
Trying desperately to keep you from talking with her ex - check
Trying desperately to stay a major part of his life - check
Secrecy and paranoia all over the place - check

You're being used, by a head-case

Bail now. No matter how good the sex might be, the aggravation will outweigh it every time
 
#38
If you want to endure an eternity of mental torture , stay.

some people like it . I do not.

I would move on , to many other women out there and life is to short to be in high school your whole life.

.
 

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