A couple years ago I was asked to jam with a band. I showed up with my JC bass and the BL said it was the best sounding bass he’d ever heard. Then I brought my congas over and BL said it sounded great, lots of layers there. Then I played guitar at a session and the BL said he couldn’t be happier with the band’s sound. We played a few gigs and festivals that summer and then a holiday party. After the party we made plans to get back together after the holidays. I found out through FB that they had reformed without me. Total BS, all they had to do was say they wanted to go in a different direction. Oh well, there’s always other bands and gigs.
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Replaced
- Thread starter Bag of Lazers
- Start date
Being fired by the BL, who told the rest of the band that you quit?
That's way better than
A) being fired because the entire band agrees that you suck harder than the rest of the band and therefore, you hold them back and must be replaced.
B) still being in a band that's led by a lying dude with personality issues.
That's way better than
A) being fired because the entire band agrees that you suck harder than the rest of the band and therefore, you hold them back and must be replaced.
B) still being in a band that's led by a lying dude with personality issues.
So Anyway, if you haven't been sacked from a band, just wait. It'll happen. 
Many years ago, my BL was ill, so we weren't playing. Got a call from a BL who was kind of a joke in our circuit, bad band, lots of work. I took the gig.
He phone-fired me about 4 months later. He said I wasn't committed to all the gigs he had booked, even though I had played every one of them and wasn't working any other gigs.
A couple of day later it struck me that I'd been fired by the worst band on our circuit.
Made for a good story.
BTW, a few years later he hired me again and treated me like I was his prodigal son.
Many years ago, my BL was ill, so we weren't playing. Got a call from a BL who was kind of a joke in our circuit, bad band, lots of work. I took the gig.
He phone-fired me about 4 months later. He said I wasn't committed to all the gigs he had booked, even though I had played every one of them and wasn't working any other gigs.
A couple of day later it struck me that I'd been fired by the worst band on our circuit.
Made for a good story.
BTW, a few years later he hired me again and treated me like I was his prodigal son.
I’ve come to look at these kind of events as developmental for the pro player. Agents, managers and BL’s don’t always act in an individual player’s interest. The self assessment and willingness to continue forward are the player’s tasks. Not everything is fair and moving on is an important skill to master.
I walked away from a BL that had these same issues. when I left I brought the entire band with me and we are still rocking 20+ years
That adage of watch people CAREFULLY. More often than not, how those people treat others (and I mean poorly and without respect, equality, deference, etc...) is how they'll ultimately treat YOU! I've been on that receiving end many times. You got replaced in a band that habitually churns through players. What happens when there's no more new and uninitiated players in the area to churn through and the word is out about that? Not your problem. Still sucks though. NOBODY likes getting replaced.
Oh, I absolutely kept the BL on my schedule update email for about 4 months after the last time we played together. I didn't ghost him. He ghosted me.
BBB
I rather suspect the general response from the folks who know him would be more along the lines of "What took you so long?".Does he really have that kind of clout?
BBB
JazznFunk
Supporting Member
Been there, got the t-shirt. The one thing I learned, and that I've always kept in mind in the years since I got 'the phone call', is that at some point a band's goals will change and no matter how dedicated you are and no matter how much BS&T you contributed to it, if you're not the one calling the shots your tenure will eventually end or become strained due to life happening. You'll also learn in the years following your departure if you truly were friends, or if your relationship will wither once you are no longer in the band's circle. I got 'the boot' because I didn't want to tour and lose money, and it turns out they already kind of had someone lined up behind my back (a good friend of the drummer and a bandmate of his from other projects), so it wasn't something that happened quickly. We had discussed compromises to going on the road and they outwardly insisted they wanted to keep working together, but kept scheduling stuff I couldn't/wouldn't do anyway to force my hand. The part that stung, and does to this day, is it was one of the 2 guys who co-led the band who called me up and ultimately told me they were making a change, but none of the other guys knew he was doing this. I called the other members immediately after I got off the phone and basically told them I'd been fired/asked to leave by Band Member X. I negotiated to play the rest of the shows already booked on the calendar for the year that I had committed to (for financial reasons, because we had a good run of paying gigs and I depended on them), and the new guy could take whatever new stuff was booked. They were all shocked that it happened the way that it did, and Band Member X and I never speak anymore... but I maintain cordial relationships with the other guys and occasionally do other gigs with the drummer. Good luck in the 'what's next'!
I've only been in 3 bands, and that was back in the 1980's. But my time in each one ended without me officially being dismissed.
Band #1 told me they were breaking up. It was me (24 yrs old) and 3 high school seniors. Singer went on to another band. Drummer stopped drumming. Guitarist may have kept playing, I forgot now. But he soon left music to become a Hollywood FX guy. So the band really wasn't going anywhere.
Band #2 told me they were breaking up. It was a cover band, and we did one wedding, unplugged. From what I heard, they managed to stay together a little longer, but with a different bassist. Probably a friend of somebody. Then they all got real day jobs and actually disbanded. Weekend warriors at best.
Band #3 told me they were breaking up. I sense a theme here. We played one club doing originals. Drummer quit. Couldn't find a replacement. Guitarist ran the show, and decided to scrap the whole project and start over with a more Sunset Strip glam type image. Singer may have joined another band. Not sure. Sadly, the singers in Band #1 and #3 passed away early.
In any event, I liked each band, and was sad to have it end. I never got a call saying "You're out of the band". They either broke up or restructured without me. I tried not to take it personally, even though it felt like maybe I was holding them back. Fortunately, that wasn't the case. Band #3 never became notable, and had a revolving door of members. The guitarist is still out there, on the Strip, playing like it's 1988. Opening for bands who have one or no original members, as third on the bill. Still can't write a tune to save his life. I thought at 40 years later, the guitarist puttting in all that time and effort would have become someone noteworthy. But nope. I chalk all of this up as a learning experience. Now I focus on songwriting, which Band #3 wanted zero input out of me. "You're the bassist. Don't need you to help with the writing. Just play the bass lines". Steve Harris and Nikki Sixx showed you can not only be a contributor - but the primary songwriter.
Band #1 told me they were breaking up. It was me (24 yrs old) and 3 high school seniors. Singer went on to another band. Drummer stopped drumming. Guitarist may have kept playing, I forgot now. But he soon left music to become a Hollywood FX guy. So the band really wasn't going anywhere.
Band #2 told me they were breaking up. It was a cover band, and we did one wedding, unplugged. From what I heard, they managed to stay together a little longer, but with a different bassist. Probably a friend of somebody. Then they all got real day jobs and actually disbanded. Weekend warriors at best.
Band #3 told me they were breaking up. I sense a theme here. We played one club doing originals. Drummer quit. Couldn't find a replacement. Guitarist ran the show, and decided to scrap the whole project and start over with a more Sunset Strip glam type image. Singer may have joined another band. Not sure. Sadly, the singers in Band #1 and #3 passed away early.
In any event, I liked each band, and was sad to have it end. I never got a call saying "You're out of the band". They either broke up or restructured without me. I tried not to take it personally, even though it felt like maybe I was holding them back. Fortunately, that wasn't the case. Band #3 never became notable, and had a revolving door of members. The guitarist is still out there, on the Strip, playing like it's 1988. Opening for bands who have one or no original members, as third on the bill. Still can't write a tune to save his life. I thought at 40 years later, the guitarist puttting in all that time and effort would have become someone noteworthy. But nope. I chalk all of this up as a learning experience. Now I focus on songwriting, which Band #3 wanted zero input out of me. "You're the bassist. Don't need you to help with the writing. Just play the bass lines". Steve Harris and Nikki Sixx showed you can not only be a contributor - but the primary songwriter.
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Ghosting sucks. My main thing with this guy is just update the calendar....it take 20 seconds. Don't have me have to reschedule or cancel gigs because you can't update a google calendar. He's very introverted and just doesn't seem to get it. Now before all the introverts pile on, been married to one for 15 years....they can talk about needed to recharge all they want/not feeling the urge to reachout/respond, but at the end of the day some of the behavior is just inconsiderate. My introverted wife has acknowledged to me that she doesn't really take other people into consideration with her non responses.
There are some band leaders that are physically incapable of turning down a gig, not matter how unpleasant and unrewarding it will be.I got "phased out" of a band last winter after a couple of years. It wasn't my only gig but the music was pretty cool, as were the other guys. BL decided, I think, that I wasn't "available" enough due to other commitments. The band started to become more of a collective with a rotation of about 3 bassists, 3 guitarists, and 3 drummers. He let a guitarist friend go, too, for other reasons. Anyway after a few months of no offers from him I removed him from my schedule updates email list. I can say I was mildly smug when he reached out about a couple of dates and I was already booked. I'm not proud of that but.
Yeah, rejection hurts but life (and music) goes on. I'll be 70 in a few weeks and I am becoming less concerned about ruffling feathers and more mindful about self care and not compromising my values. Recently, another BL repeat booked a December date from last year that we played in an outdoor courtyard in mid-30 degree weather. I very nearly quit that night. The BL actually threatened me with the "If you leave here now you'll never work in this town again" shtick! Oh, please!
Best of luck to you! The journey continues!
BBB
One BL I worked with took bad gigs and even freebie "benefit" gigs because they were opportunities for him to cheat with his goomah. The rest of us successfully pushed back on the freebie gigs (the bad ones, not so much).
Don't sweat it at all, especially if the "control freak" label fits. You'll find something better, something more beneficial and not a pain to be a part of.
Rock on and let this inspire you to "kick arse" musically and professionally moving forward!
Rock on and let this inspire you to "kick arse" musically and professionally moving forward!
Yeah. I realized some time ago that my desire to be considerate compelled me to keep the people I work with updated. Also my desire to preserve what's left of my sanity...
BBB
It’s an easy conversation to have:
‘Hey bud, I notice you’re not updating the calendar, I get it if things are busy for you - if it’s not where you’re at right now I understand. Would you like me to find another guitar player? No pressure, please don’t feel held hostage to the band. If you do want to be in the band - please keep the calendar updated as it’s a real pain for me to be unable to answer availability queries quickly and it’s something we agreed we’d all do. Love making music with you and hope you’re doing well’
The outcome of that will tell you where everyone is at.
It always stings the feelings a bit when this happens, that's just being human.
On the other hand, sound like he did you a favor, life is too short to work for OCD guys (been there, done that), and you, the couple before you, and the several that will follow you will all fall victim to never being exactly what he wants, because . . . . it just doesn't exist, and guys like that, you could be the Greatest Thing today, and when he wakes up tomorrow, you're a Dead Man Walking and you are exactly the same: You can never please these guys.
Reach in the desk drawer, pull out the Red Ink pad, and stamp this with that stamp that says 'SCROOM' and move on. I always said I was looking for a gig when I got that one, and now I'll get another one. DO NOT waste any more sweat on that loser.
Believe me, one door closes so another one can open. Who needs that crap, life it TOO short.
On the other hand, sound like he did you a favor, life is too short to work for OCD guys (been there, done that), and you, the couple before you, and the several that will follow you will all fall victim to never being exactly what he wants, because . . . . it just doesn't exist, and guys like that, you could be the Greatest Thing today, and when he wakes up tomorrow, you're a Dead Man Walking and you are exactly the same: You can never please these guys.
Reach in the desk drawer, pull out the Red Ink pad, and stamp this with that stamp that says 'SCROOM' and move on. I always said I was looking for a gig when I got that one, and now I'll get another one. DO NOT waste any more sweat on that loser.
Believe me, one door closes so another one can open. Who needs that crap, life it TOO short.
It's always a weird thing...I played upright with a local genius pop songwriter with some international renown.
It was a trio - me, singer/songwriter on guitar, and a great lead guitarist...no drums, lower key kind of chamber pop vibe.
I had seen him for years and thought he was excellent, but seemed to go out of his way to confuse audiences/not play songs of his they requested.
The several shows I played with him had the best audience response of any of his shows I'd ever seen, esp. for out of town folks who didn't know his music,
At the last show I did with him, the crowd was going wild, asking for encores and they didn't let us leave before repeating their favorite song.
I was sacked after the gig because "I didn't rock hard enough"...
?!
I think he was PO'd that I encouraged him to give the audience what they wanted (more of his music).
It was a trio - me, singer/songwriter on guitar, and a great lead guitarist...no drums, lower key kind of chamber pop vibe.
I had seen him for years and thought he was excellent, but seemed to go out of his way to confuse audiences/not play songs of his they requested.
The several shows I played with him had the best audience response of any of his shows I'd ever seen, esp. for out of town folks who didn't know his music,
At the last show I did with him, the crowd was going wild, asking for encores and they didn't let us leave before repeating their favorite song.
I was sacked after the gig because "I didn't rock hard enough"...
?!
I think he was PO'd that I encouraged him to give the audience what they wanted (more of his music).
D
