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Share funny jokes about musicians

What happens when a guitarist takes Viagra? He get taller.

What's the secret to making money playing music? Finding a girlfriend/wife with two jobs.

What's the difference between a soundman and God. God doesn't think he's a soundman.

Why are most musician jokes one liners? So the band can understand them
 
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?

To get away from the noise!

Q: How do you get two bagpipers to play in tune?
A: Kill one.

Q: What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.

Q: What's the difference between a bagpipe and a ladder?
A: Your neighbor returns your bagpipe.
 
Q: Difference between a violin and a viola?

A: Viola burns longer

Q: Difference between a sax and a vacuum?

A: Sax does not have to be plugged in to suck

Q: What does a stripper do with her A-hole before going to work?

A: Drops him off at rehearsal

Q: How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Just one...they hold the bulb up and the world revolves around them.

Q: Difference between an orchestra and a bull?

A: Bull has horns up front and the A-hole in back

Words you will never hear around here. Yep...that's the banjo player's Porsche out front.
 
Guy gets off the train in a third world south American country and hears drumming. He askes the conductor
"whats that drumming? does it ever stop?"
Conductor says "No never stops when drums stop very very bad.... you no want drums to stop"
Guys askes "why is it bad? what happens when the drums stop?"
Conductor says "what happens when drums stop......Bass solo"
 

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