Wow! After all the drama you went through with your old husband/wife band, who needs this crap?!! I hope things start looking up soon for you.
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Sigh. Drummer trouble.
- Thread starter txbasschik
- Start date
Wow! After all the drama you went through with your old husband/wife band, who needs this crap?!! I hope things start looking up soon for you.
Well, actually, this drama is a tiny and malnourished flea on the back of the husband/wife band drama. LOL! But, its makin' me gun-shy, alright. I'm actually grateful to my Guitarist for keeping me out of the growing family soap-opera. I'm happy to keep out of it! So long as that Drummer leaves me out of it, too, I'm ok. I'm looking forward to it being over with.
Cherie
Wall'o'text. Oops, sorry.
The fact that drummer boy is related (or close to it) to guitarist, is having these issues, and hasn't been arbitrarily dropped yet, would be setting off my warning bells.
I don't know how this band formed, if you came in before drummer or after, but depending on all that, I'd be really gunshy about continuing.
At this point, I'd probably be telling the guitarist, in as PC a way as possible, that he needs to replace the drummer or he needs to replace the bassist. And not 'after next show' or any other beating around the bush. Rip off the band aid, as you said, and get er done.
Based on this;
Family and close family friends (of any sort) + bandmates = drama, often as not, particularly if one relation has some sort of issues.
I"d be thinking, about now, that it seems like guitarist is wanting to give drummer a chance because he's family, and because there is a band relationship challenge, he's thinking find another bass player. It would be a bad move for the band, but it wouldn't be the first bad move for a band anyone has ever made concerning family, and it certainly wouldn't be the last.
But then, I'm a right suspicious bastich. And I don't know everything you know. Maybe you have reasons to believe otherwise. Maybe you have a less jaded perspective. If its the latter, good on you. If its the former, that's good news.
Either way, best of luck. If you're digging this project, great, I hope it works out. If the result is that it's lost it's charm, then go pursue one of the many other opportunities you seem to be blessed with.
Well, actually, this drama is a tiny and malnourished flea on the back of the husband/wife band drama. LOL! But, its makin' me gun-shy, alright. I'm actually grateful to my Guitarist for keeping me out of the growing family soap-opera. I'm happy to keep out of it! So long as that Drummer leaves me out of it, too, I'm ok. I'm looking forward to it being over with.
Cherie
The fact that drummer boy is related (or close to it) to guitarist, is having these issues, and hasn't been arbitrarily dropped yet, would be setting off my warning bells.
I don't know how this band formed, if you came in before drummer or after, but depending on all that, I'd be really gunshy about continuing.
At this point, I'd probably be telling the guitarist, in as PC a way as possible, that he needs to replace the drummer or he needs to replace the bassist. And not 'after next show' or any other beating around the bush. Rip off the band aid, as you said, and get er done.
Based on this;
I'd be wondering if said decision hasn't already been made, and someone is just dragging their heels about the difficult communication bits.
Family and close family friends (of any sort) + bandmates = drama, often as not, particularly if one relation has some sort of issues.
I"d be thinking, about now, that it seems like guitarist is wanting to give drummer a chance because he's family, and because there is a band relationship challenge, he's thinking find another bass player. It would be a bad move for the band, but it wouldn't be the first bad move for a band anyone has ever made concerning family, and it certainly wouldn't be the last.
But then, I'm a right suspicious bastich. And I don't know everything you know. Maybe you have reasons to believe otherwise. Maybe you have a less jaded perspective. If its the latter, good on you. If its the former, that's good news.
Either way, best of luck. If you're digging this project, great, I hope it works out. If the result is that it's lost it's charm, then go pursue one of the many other opportunities you seem to be blessed with.
txbasschik said:
Your guitar player is attempting to do two things at the same time that can never be reconciled with each other: play good music and stay friends with drummer's family
My 2¢ worth = it's time to bail. Expect to be cast as the Villain by drummer's family and possibly by guitar player as well. I hope the latter doesn't happen, but the odds are 50/50 at best. Retrieving all of his gear is a Very Bad sign IMHO *sigh*
Happy to hear you have other prospects
a more cynical guy might say that all the foot dragging by the geetar guy
has to do with frustrating the bass player until she gives up thus saving himself the potential ill will over canning family.......
has to do with frustrating the bass player until she gives up thus saving himself the potential ill will over canning family.......
We may have to fire our drummer.
The recording we did last fall is unusable. His tracks are bad. Really bad. He's not keeping the groove. He is, like, tapping out the melody. Even on the kick! Our guitarist, who writes the originals and who put up the money to record, is *not* happy, and I don't blame him one bit.
We have our "magic moments" where we totally click, but they are few and far between. And becoming fewer and farther. He's ok on covers, but on originals...man, I don't know what he's trying to do there. He won't give me that good, strong kick, and his snare is too "tap tap tap" and no consistency. I'm willing to try to work with him some more, but the guitarist is getting tired of this, and is upset over losing so much money on the recording with not much hope of being able to get a new, good one.
Drummer is holding us back. We've both tried to get him to work on his weaknesses, but he isn't making progress. Sticking to the beat, waiting to add fills until the groove is solid, he perceives as "dumbing down" the part.
He's a good man. I like him very much. He's also rather delicate, emotionally, and I strongly suspect that he's depressed. He's also given me some verbal clues that he's got/developing a drinking problem. Things like, "I'll try and make it to the jam if I'm not already too drunk." This conversation was held at about 10:30 a.m., by phone. He also seems to be more emotionally attached to me than he should be.
I am *worried* about the guy, but we can't record with him, and we can't use a sub to record without hurting his feelings. We have several other interested drummers.
Man, I hate this. I really think we will have to get someone else, but I'm afraid of what it will do to our current guy.
No worries about him reading this. He doesn't use the web. So...your thoughts?
Cherie
heh maybe buy him a playstation and a copy of Rock band with just the drum set to bring him "back to Earth". Thats one of the few things I've seen that are actually NEAR accurate to real playing.
Yeah, all this has been going through my mind since it was first suggested.
I know Guitarist's family members here are fairly close...aunt/uncle/cousins. And blood is thicker, and all that.
Drummer came first, but only because I was still working with my old band and Guitarist had to wait for me.
The taking up of all the gear...yeah, that's quite a red flag.
But, Guitar feels very close to me, wants to write with me, we hang out, he's going to come help me with some equipment issues I've got with my stuff. Not the behavior of someone who wants me to go away.
So...you know, the best thing is probably to just not worry about it. I'm to the point where, if things don't go in my favor here, I'm not without a band. I've learned a lot from last summer, when I got fired from my last band. I've learned that I can *always* find work.
Guitar's the kind of guy that won't burn the bridge with me, even if he feels like he needs to replace me. *If* something should go awry and I'm a goner here, well, I don't think it'll be forever, and I'll still work in the meantime.
Cherie
I know Guitarist's family members here are fairly close...aunt/uncle/cousins. And blood is thicker, and all that.
Drummer came first, but only because I was still working with my old band and Guitarist had to wait for me.
The taking up of all the gear...yeah, that's quite a red flag.
But, Guitar feels very close to me, wants to write with me, we hang out, he's going to come help me with some equipment issues I've got with my stuff. Not the behavior of someone who wants me to go away.
So...you know, the best thing is probably to just not worry about it. I'm to the point where, if things don't go in my favor here, I'm not without a band. I've learned a lot from last summer, when I got fired from my last band. I've learned that I can *always* find work.
Guitar's the kind of guy that won't burn the bridge with me, even if he feels like he needs to replace me. *If* something should go awry and I'm a goner here, well, I don't think it'll be forever, and I'll still work in the meantime.
Cherie
I certainly don't get the sense that you are in the guitarist's sights. Human nature is to put off the unpleasant, especially when there is the family stuff involved. The guitarist knows who is causing the problem and will deal with it sooner than later. I wouldn't get too bent out of shape YET. If the uncertainty isn't resolved in a week, then I'd be bent out of shape.
Yeah, I'm not going to worry about it. I really don't think Guitar is fixing to get rid of me, and if he surprises me and goes that route, I'll be ok.
We have a few weeks between gigs, now. This should get resolved soon. I'd like to wake up on SuperBowl Sunday and know that its been done.
Cherie
ouch. Unfortunately it's human nature for the most part to want to put off unpleasant business, but to sorta quote Shakespeare, if it has to be done, it's best done quickly. I've had to call people and let them know they've been fired, and if you put it off, it gets worse, not better. It's even worse to be in the middle, where you are at the moment. Hope everything works out.
Yeah, all information considered, if you have three weeks till your next gig, that makes it very likely that this is going to ddrrrraaaaaaagggggg ooouuuuttttttt at least that long, probably longer, because of the above. It's gonna be a lot easier for your guitarist to put it off than to can a family friend.
You may have to lean on your guitarist to get this done now, especially since you have a good replacement available. Good drummers are almost as hard to find as good bassists
Either that, or get ready for this to potentially continue ad infinitum.
There ya go. You are a hot commodity! It's just the uncertainty that bugs you....the best thing is probably to just not worry about it. I'm to the point where, if things don't go in my favor here, I'm not without a band. I've learned a lot from last summer, when I got fired from my last band. I've learned that I can *always* find work.
...*If* something should go awry and I'm a goner here, well, I don't think it'll be forever, and I'll still work in the meantime.
I'm in a similar situation with my new band. Our singer is most likely going to jail sometime soon. We don't currently know when, or for how long. I was expressing some concern about this at our last gig, and the guitarist accused me of being "obsessed with certainty".
Certainty, LOL! I've been a working musician for many years, I learned a long time ago that certainty is rare & fleeting. I just want to be reasonably sure that there's a plan, and I can keep gigging! But yeah, the uncertainty is annoying. Patience is good, I keep telling myself. 
Sounds real good, and figured you were.
Me, I'm mr. paranoia, but... Good on you. No borrowing trouble over there.
bigfatbass
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- Jun 30, 2003
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Right, but it IS the behavior of someone who feels guilty they are about to blow off a musician/person they appreciate.
From what I gather, reading his thread, you are one-third of a band. One of the other thirds is a bad musician and a bit of an a*****e, but the final third isn't prepared to replace him because he has some sort of close relationship with him.
Were I in your situation, I'd have laid down an ultimatum. Life's too short to waste time playing in bands with people you don't get on with musically or socially. I'm sure that your guitar player means well and all that, but if he's not prepared to take action in order to fix the obvious problems with something you say he spends a lot of time and money on, then you have to do it for him. I'd have told the guitar player, either we sack the drummer or I'm going elsewhere. End. I'd have said, this has to happen before the next time we're supposed to play with each other, because I'm not going to waste another second of my life being 50% of a crappy rhythm section.
That's just my opinion.
Were I in your situation, I'd have laid down an ultimatum. Life's too short to waste time playing in bands with people you don't get on with musically or socially. I'm sure that your guitar player means well and all that, but if he's not prepared to take action in order to fix the obvious problems with something you say he spends a lot of time and money on, then you have to do it for him. I'd have told the guitar player, either we sack the drummer or I'm going elsewhere. End. I'd have said, this has to happen before the next time we're supposed to play with each other, because I'm not going to waste another second of my life being 50% of a crappy rhythm section.
That's just my opinion.
Te nada, really. I can see the figurative smoke on the horizon. Just ain't sure what's burnin' yet. But something is.
So...I have three song lists, things to learn. No, make that four. For different projects. If one canyons, then, well, there's three more.
You just never do know what kind of flowers will grow back behind a prairie fire. Best to wait and see. The results are good, more often than not.
Yeah, I'm philosophical this morning. Spent a lot of time making music and art last night. It's had a calming effect.
Cherie
Welllllllll, alrighty then.
Guitar tried to have The Conversation with Drummer. Dude walked away from it. Guitar said, well, Drummer could walk away, but we are going to have this conversation when Guitar gets back from out of town. (Yes, again. Sux. For everyone.)
We did do well on the gig as far as mgmt was concerned, and we'll be coming back. Good. Since one of Drummer's complaints is that there isn't enough direct communication, I was very direct. When he rushed (often), I asked him to please not, at break time, and strategized ways to prevent rushing with him. Our originals are still *not* good though.
Put it this way...
This band's set list is my first practice priority. My second is my hubby's band, since I'm s'pose to sub for them. Third is the band we've got with our jam leader, much of which can be honed at jam. Fourth is working with the double-bass, the acoustic bass, and the mandolin so that Guitar, my guitarist/mando/banjo/dobro neighbor and I can go do some acoustic stuff and make some dollars that way.
I'm diversifying the holy heck out of myself. Making myself part of as many workable and reasonable projects as I can, and doing my work in the woodshed. No matter how things work out, I will work, and I refuse to burn any bridges. May need 'em later on.
We will meet as a band next week and have some, you know...direct communication.
Cherie
Guitar tried to have The Conversation with Drummer. Dude walked away from it. Guitar said, well, Drummer could walk away, but we are going to have this conversation when Guitar gets back from out of town. (Yes, again. Sux. For everyone.)
We did do well on the gig as far as mgmt was concerned, and we'll be coming back. Good. Since one of Drummer's complaints is that there isn't enough direct communication, I was very direct. When he rushed (often), I asked him to please not, at break time, and strategized ways to prevent rushing with him. Our originals are still *not* good though.
Put it this way...
This band's set list is my first practice priority. My second is my hubby's band, since I'm s'pose to sub for them. Third is the band we've got with our jam leader, much of which can be honed at jam. Fourth is working with the double-bass, the acoustic bass, and the mandolin so that Guitar, my guitarist/mando/banjo/dobro neighbor and I can go do some acoustic stuff and make some dollars that way.
I'm diversifying the holy heck out of myself. Making myself part of as many workable and reasonable projects as I can, and doing my work in the woodshed. No matter how things work out, I will work, and I refuse to burn any bridges. May need 'em later on.
We will meet as a band next week and have some, you know...direct communication.
Cherie
Perfect attitude. I wish I was better at carrying it.
Ultimatums, and whatnot, tend to interfere with this. I have a lot of respect for folks who can just shut up and put up, and still make things happen. Perhaps because I, personally, recognize a lack of that ability in myself.
Sounds like Drummer knows what's coming, and is putting it off as long as possible. And your idea of being VERY direct with him neatly dovetails into the idea that if you make him upset and he "quits", you've saved Guitarist from having to have The Conversation, and you can move on. Go right ahead and make your musical demands on him as much as you want - friendly-like, but CLEAR, as in "I-won't-take-no-for-an-answer" clear. What's the worst that can happen? He quits?
Best of luck to you in this "drama-that-should-never-have-been".
Best of luck to you in this "drama-that-should-never-have-been".
