So Am I Having a Bad Attitude?

[THUNDERGODX]

Jive-

I just looked at the TONICS website.

What else do you want?

Song list is awesome.

That singer is great.

Can I be in it?

 

[jive1]

Jive-

I just looked at the TONICS website.

What else do you want?

Song list is awesome.

That singer is great.

Can I be in it?

Sure, you can be in it, as long as you can book some gigs.

Thanks for the kind words. But, seriously.....
We have a huge songlist that spans a number of genres, and the music is good. The instruments are solid, the vocals are good, the harmonies are OK. We have a top notch sound system, and a good lighting system. We're professional in our demeanor before, during, and after the gig. When we do play gigs we draw well. Those that show up to gigs love the band, love the material, and we always have folks singing and dancing along to the material to the very end. Our last wedding, we got a healthy bonus because the folks were so happy with us. The music and performance are not the issue with the band.

Quite honestly, I play out with bands that are not nearly as well rehearsed, as tight, or talented, but the difference is that other bands put a majority of their work on gigging while this one puts the majority of it into rehearsal. Part of my frustration is that I feel like they think that more rehearsal and learning more songs is the way to move forward.

 

[jive1]

I think you should do all the work to learn the new material, and have it ready every week for rehearsal. You're just the bass player, why should you decide what the set list is? Or how often the band rehearses. You should also update the website and pay for the hosting fees. You should do the sound as well. I forgot if it is your PA, but it should be and you should be the only one to move it.

Actually, I'm the guitar player in this band.
I usually have my parts down in time for rehearsal, but there are occassions when I don't. And it is my PA, an expensive one.

In reality, other than in the beginning, I haven't had much work to do on the website since we haven't had any gigs to promote or any new promo material to add. But the photos were taken by me. The demo was recorded and produced by me. The video was shot and edited by me. Which kinds frustrates me because, all I ask people to do for the promo material is just show up and they still don't have the motivation for it. I mean seriously, how many bands would love to have a access to a studio, PA, photographer, videographer, and producer who works for nothing? I know I sure would.

 

[Stumbo]

...I really enjoy my son alot, and looked forward to being a father for a long time.

Jive,

Your kids are only young once. I suggest you make your son your priority. Kids need as much of your time as possible. Just being with them, doing whatever, IMO, is so much more important than having your wife being able to walk around with a couple of C notes in her pocket.

IME, I quit gigging up until my daughter was about 12. There's just so much to do with your kids that, if you're able, I suggest reducing your gigging to the minimum and spending the extra time with your family. Now I have two grandkids and they get all the support and love that they can handle. Teaching them is a great honor for me as they will carry on for me into the future.

Not only from experience, I have a degree in Child Development and my wife has 2 degrees in the mental health field. She works with families/children. She works with kids who all need love and support to turn their lives around.

Best to you and your family,
Stumbo

 

[AltGrendel]

Why not just find them a new bass player for them and be done with it?

 

[troy mcclure]

My band rehearses about 1x a month ad we have only been together 4 months, we have 80 songs and add songs at the gig. We rehearse when we have down time to correct some harmonies or change endings and tighten up transitions.

 

[mellowinman]

I have to play Devil's Advocate here.

Yes, the band should book more, and you should tell them so. You will all work harder to book.

But they are right about the whole practice thing.

I don't practice with my band because I like them so much.

I don't practice with my band because I have nothing better to do (believe me, my time is quite valuable.)

I don't even practice with my band because we have gigs coming up.

I practice with my band to make it the tightest, best-sounding, most well-rehearsed band in this town, and to make us stand out.

And I will try MY best to book gigs, and I will encourage my bandmates to do the same.

But THAT is why we practice. For the MUSIC. We serve the MUSIC. The music doesn't serve us.

And if that's not why you're into it, you know darn well there's a lot of better ways to make money.

A guy like you?

You could be wealthy in Real Estate, Band Management, Retail; you name it.

But there's a reason you play music, and you can balance it out to where you can still have your life, as well.

And if you book all the gigs, you can take more of the pay.

We practice to transcend the ordinary garage band quality that is so common among cover and small time original bands.

We practice to be GOOD.

 

[fingerbun]

Jive, I think you know the answer to your own question, you just haven't come to terms with it.

You want stuff the rest of the band doesn't want. I don't think it's a question of who's right and wrong. It's just that you want different things.

I wouldn't expect anything to change in the band, so unless you can be happy with the status quo I would suggest you gently move on.

When someone is so upset that they cannot appreciate the genius of Neil Diamond, something is very wrong.

 

[jive1]

Jive,

Your kids are only young once. I suggest you make your son your priority. Kids need as much of your time as possible. Just being with them, doing whatever, IMO, is so much more important than having your wife being able to walk around with a couple of C notes in her pocket.

IME, I quit gigging up until my daughter was about 12. There's just so much to do with your kids that, if you're able, I suggest reducing your gigging to the minimum and spending the extra time with your family. Now I have two grandkids and they get all the support and love that they can handle. Teaching them is a great honor for me as they will carry on for me into the future.

Not only from experience, I have a degree in Child Development and my wife has 2 degrees in the mental health field. She works with families/children. She works with kids who all need love and support to turn their lives around.

Best to you and your family,
Stumbo

Thanks for the sage advice. The money isn't for bling, it goes towards things that my wife's income once went towards such as gas for her car, or money for household items. The money comes in handy any way you slice it, even if it can be put towards savings. And outside of rehearsals, gigs usually start after my son is in bed. That's why music as a part time job can work for me, as long as I'm not having to rehearse all the time. For now, the gigs don't cut into family time nearly as much as rehearsal.

My rule, even before I had a kid, was that the band has to be able to contribute to the family somehow. Either it refuels my tank so I can be a happy father/husband, earns some cash to go towards the family, or it provides opportunities for fun family activities. It will definitely eliminate lots of bands I could be in, but fortunately there's ones that will still work for me. Unfortunately, rehearsal doesn't really contribute to that, and that's what I try to keep to a minimum.

 

[Downunderwonder]

There's a tenet of Buddism which goes something like: "All unhappiness is derived from being denied that which is not rightfully ours".

Rightfully, someone should have picked up the slack where you left off, but the key fact of the matter is THEY DIDN'T, and they aren't going to unless you MAKE THEM. Seemingly you are unwilling to do that, so rightfully you can't expect anything to change. No point in being upset about it.

Either you adjust your expectations and theirs to the amount of time you can burn on the jam band, or leave them to it.

 

[Stumbo]

Unfortunately, rehearsal doesn't really contribute to that, and that's what I try to keep to a minimum.

IMO, when you found that you weren't able to put in the time booking gigs, I think think that a band meeting or email covering that issue needed to be done.

Seems like you haven't had that meeting or sent a comprehensive email, I think now's the time.

You're an articulate fellow so I suggest you lay everything out for the other members and let them decide what they want to do based on your needs.

If they want to books gigs, then let them know your still in, otherwise, until the summer gigs/more gigs come along, you'll be absent from rehearsal.

 

[jmattbassplaya]

IMO, when you found that you weren't able to put in the time booking gigs, I think think that a band meeting or email covering that issue needed to be done.

Seems like you haven't had that meeting or sent a comprehensive email, I think now's the time.

You're an articulate fellow so I suggest you lay everything out for the other members and let them decide what they want to do based on your needs.

If they want to books gigs, then let them know your still in, otherwise, until the summer gigs/more gigs come along, you'll be absent from rehearsal.

As usual, Stumbo lays it out how it is. I think laying it down that matter of factly will either get them to shape up or give them reason enough to come to their senses about their band 'needs' and give you the chance to move on.

 

[jive1]

IMO, when you found that you weren't able to put in the time booking gigs, I think think that a band meeting or email covering that issue needed to be done.

Seems like you haven't had that meeting or sent a comprehensive email, I think now's the time.

I think you guys are underestimating my communication and overestimating peoples responding with action. I've mentioned it in e-mail, and discussed it with folks individually. Asked questions about how often they would like to play out (2x a month), what their goals are, etc. I made clear my situation (at least I think I did), and the need for someone to step up in the booking situation.
Just because people aren't doing it, isn't because I never said it.

You're an articulate fellow so I suggest you lay everything out for the other members and let them decide what they want to do based on your needs.

If they want to books gigs, then let them know your still in, otherwise, until the summer gigs/more gigs come along, you'll be absent from rehearsal.

I agree. That's the part I have yet to communicate. We took many weeks off over the holidays, and it wasn't an issue then. We just hit when we could, and it was every few weeks. That was fine for me. But at the last rehearsal I was at, folks were talking about doing weekly rehearsals again. I mentioned that there was no need since we didn't have anything booked, and it was glossed over.

They rehearsed yesterday, and I wasn't able to make it because I had to watch my son. Plus, I had a rehearsal and 2 gigs last week, wife had plans, and was deserving of some off-leash time. If they are fine with rehearsing without me, then I'm cool with that too.

 

[Stumbo]

If they are fine with rehearsing without me, then I'm cool with that too.

I suggest you ask them. Then everyone will be on the same page.

Maybe make a rehearsal once a month and also keep tabs(not bass tabs,lol) on the set list so you can practice on your own, if necessary.

+1 for spending time with your son.

 

[jmattbassplaya]

I think you guys are underestimating my communication and overestimating peoples responding with action.

Don't take it too personally. As I said in another thread not too long ago, the blame the OP mentality has become pretty common on TB recently. That said, it wouldn't hurt to explain your situation again in front of all of them so you can explain yourself fully and also give them a chance to ask you any questions they may have.

 

[jive1]

Well, it's done. Just sent my resignation letter.

I was hoping to do rehearsals at my shop space, since it's closer to home, and it would let me have dinner and spend time with my family before going to practice. Otherwise, I'll be spending the whole day at work and then on the other side of town. No-one seemed that amenable to it, so I figure it's time to go. Kids grow up quick, parents leave us too soon, and driving to and from rehearsals to do a couple gigs a year isn't worth that sacrifice.

I wished them the best and let them know I really appreciated playing with them, because I did. I put alot of myself into this band, and I'd like them to do well regardless of whether or not I'm in the band. I gave them the contact info of a top notch guitarist, and told them that I'd be willing to play out the rest of the gigs, but by leaving now, they should be able to find a replacement by the summer.

I'll miss playing with this band, and I really like the folks alot, but at this point, it's not a good fit for me. I'm already gigging in 2 other bands, and working on 2 more, so I have plenty on my musical plate to keep me busy. I will let them find their musical bliss, and be happy for them when they find it.

 

[mambo4]

I think you made the wise choice.
Sounds like a tough decision that, when you take along view, wasn't so tough.
I make a lot of sacrifices for my band, and so does my wife in terms of sacrificing family time.
But I know that at the end of the day (and esp the end of our lives) the sacrifices made for family matter most.

 

[pklima]

Too bad there wasn't a way to make it work, but a couple of gigs per year and lots of rehearsal time... I wouldn't do that no matter how much I liked everything else about the band.

 

[Stumbo]

Kids grow up quick, parents leave us too soon...

+infinity

Too true...love'm while your here. Your legacy is the wonderful memories you create with them...and the feeling of your presence is priceless because they "know' when you're around even when it's not directly acknowledged.

 

[Downunderwonder]

I hope the new guitarist is wanting chief cook and bottle washer position.