So I quit my band yesterday!

[HardNHeavy]

wow, sorry to hear that..ironically the same thing happened to me on two separate occasions, a drummer and guitarist...the first was an original band the other a cover group. Leaves ya shaking your head why people cant just discuss problems before all the drama.

 

[baddarryl]

Keep the drummer, get another guitarist. "Too laid back I think. Heavy dark, un marketable Metal at our age. Fun as hell to play. Instrumental only at this point." To me that sounds interesting! There are plenty of slow heavy bands doing instrumentals, and there is an audience for it.

i meant un marketable in the larger sense. There are a couple of clubs locally that cater to that. Guess I am trying to talk myself out of it.

i just spoke with the drummer and he is unsure what he is going to do next as he has crap going on too. We did agree to keep in touch and hopefully play again ourselves.

 

[Spirit of Ox]

I understand your frustrations. I'm having some issues with my guitarist/co-lead vocalist in my band as well. I'm going to create a topic about that here too. This is a great forum to rant about your band problems and get some good input from like minded folks.
After all, we are all bassists here!

 

[Ekulati]

In my opinion, gigs generally solve a lot of attitude problems. If this guy was the main writer, maybe he's writing the wrong stuff.

 

[JW56789]

Over the years, I found I never got it wrong when . . .

1) I listened to my wife, and . . .

2) Walked away from an aggravating dead-end, teamed by people with un-fixable issues that they would/could not successfully separate from playing in the band. I was never sorry I hit the parachute instead of riding the plane into the ground.

It's a big world full of other opportunities. Find them.

 

[Winton]

You have an awesome wife.

 

[badinage]

You have an awesome wife.

And a Heritage SVT. Things are looking up.

 

[ryan pate]

Hopefully you can find some closure by retroactively firing the drummer.

This....is very therapeutic and solid advice.Id like to add that,once you’ve convinced the drummer his playing is the problem.Give him a back-slapping bro hug.That should make him cry.

 

[baddarryl]

You have an awesome wife.

Yes I do. I am a lucky man and today is her birthday too!

 

[Winton]

Yes I do. I am a lucky man and today is her birthday too!

Oh that’s extra awesome! Tell her “Happy Birthday” from the folks on Talkbass!

 

[davio]

"Oh, there he goes off to his room to write that hit song 'Alone In My Principles.'"

 

[kevmac]

I responded to a craigslist ad for players and the guy that put it up played keys and had a big studio space in an industrial setting.I show up about 8:30 PM and talk to him and find out he is on disability of some type so has time on his hands during the day and spends much of it at the marijuana dispensary while us saps work our day jobs.Well to each his own.He proceeds to indulge with others but I seldom smoke anymore,but that's okay.at about 9:45 we start( me,2 guitars a good drummer,sax and him on keys and 3 of us sing).We proceed to make some great music and at 11:30 I call it a night as my workday starts at 6:30 am.
We meet again a couple of nights later at 9:00,his call, but this time the preliminary pot party lasts till almost eleven at which time I explain I rise at five am.and leave.He calls a couple of days later and I tell him I can't start jamming at 11pm.and wish him luck.This guy had all kinds of big plans to start a G.B. outfit to finance an original band.Yeah right, I've had my fill of dreamers.What is wrong with people?

 

[ricibanez]

Your Wife is right and you be in a band that you feel comfortable in and you all have a respect for each other.

 

[bolophonic]

Sounds more like HE quit. I’d at least retain his drummer.

 

[jonasparker]

I responded to a craigslist ad for players and the guy that put it up played keys and had a big studio space in an industrial setting.I show up about 8:30 PM and talk to him and find out he is on disability of some type so has time on his hands during the day and spends much of it at the marijuana dispensary while us saps work our day jobs.Well to each his own.He proceeds to indulge with others but I seldom smoke anymore,but that's okay.at about 9:45 we start( me,2 guitars a good drummer,sax and him on keys and 3 of us sing).We proceed to make some great music and at 11:30 I call it a night as my workday starts at 6:30 am.
We meet again a couple of nights later at 9:00,his call, but this time the preliminary pot party lasts till almost eleven at which time I explain I rise at five am.and leave.He calls a couple of days later and I tell him I can't start jamming at 11pm.and wish him luck.This guy had all kinds of big plans to start a G.B. outfit to finance an original band.Yeah right, I've had my fill of dreamers.What is wrong with people?

Yes! Stay away from people who:
1. Have too much time on their hands.
2. Are into weed and other drugs as a way to temporarily be pleasant and be able to enjoy anything
3. Have personality disorders like narcissism & borderline

The original post sounded like he had a guitar player detoxing from something and projecting his negativity, if not deeper issues.

 

[fishdude101101]

You're better of and I agree with the wife.

Why are some people so weird like this though?

 

[glocke1]

Real bummer. I have been playing original music with these guys since the spring. Very cool vibe, no pressure, laid back. Too laid back I think. Heavy dark, un marketable Metal at our age. Fun as hell to play. Instrumental only at this point. Bass, guitar, drums. Part of me has seen the futility in this and have been learning covers on the side just in case. Here is the thing, we go through our set on Friday, chill a little, then start to go through it again. After the 3rd song the guitar player (principal writer) turns off his stuff, packs up, and takes off without saying a word to anyone. Left us scratching our heads. Rude.

We first ask him if he is ok, then assertively confront him about proper social etiquette, all the while appeasing his sensibilities. Long story short, at first he said it wasn't us and nothing we said. Then after being confronted he accused us of being combative to his music (untrue) and then deflected the topic to the one time I missed practice (which pissed me off, but I never revealed it) then proceeded to ask when he could pick up his gear. We gave him multiple opportunities to own up and move on, but he never did. Flat said "I am not apologizing, demonize me all you want". Amazing stuff really.

Recently we have started "writing in the room" (his idea) in the last few weeks and tweaking his songs mostly to sort out drum and rhythm parts. We have the feeling we stepped on his toes Friday with some changes. That and he has seemed tired and bored at times too. Stressed: hey we all have problems right? Worst part is this is probably the coolest vibe in a band I've seen in a while. No issues at all that I was aware of.

Don't know what my point is here. It just sucks. I even bought a Heritage SVT for this band. I showed the text strings to my wife (who is a very reasonable woman that I trust implicitly) and she was like "psycho, get out!". So I did.

Unfortunately music attracts its fair share ( if not more ) of difficult personalities and people with mental health and substance abuse issues, and the end result is what you've described above.

I've effectively given up on trying to get anything that even remotely resembles a committed project going, as almost every one I've tried to either develop or be a part of has some individual in it like you describe above, it's tiring and frustrating and at this point in my life (mid-50s) seems pointless to even try to do so. I still enjoy playing at home and developing my skill set and will get together with a few others once a month to run through some jazz tunes but I see some issues even with that group that are waiting to come about.

 

[Rib 13]

So, even getting one side of the conversation, I agree with everything on your behalf.....however, you prefaced the whole thing with unmarketable metal originals at your age, seems futile, and that you are learning covers on the side......sounds like you weren't in a happy place either, or am I reading into that?.....I only noticed this because I've played dance covers for three decades and currently playing heavy originals for the first time in my life and I've never been happier

 

[baddarryl]

So, even getting one side of the conversation, I agree with everything on your behalf.....however, you prefaced the whole thing with unmarketable metal originals at your age, seems futile, and that you are learning covers on the side......sounds like you weren't in a happy place either, or am I reading into that?.....I only noticed this because I've played dance covers for three decades and currently playing heavy originals for the first time in my life and I've never been happier

I partially said that as i only joined 6 months ago almost a 3 year project. It took them 2 1/2 years to bring in a bassist, the drummer and I agreed we needed to add another guitar and vocalist, but the guitarist showed 0 interest in that. These were "his" songs after all. Not sure it was even going to get out of the room. Yes we listen to and player heavier stuff than very few our age so there are certainly less booking opportunities for that. That being said that is also due partly to that antisocial nature of him. I like and will continue to seek those that play this.

At the same time I like to play out and haven't done it enough in my life. I learn covers from all over to be able to fill those slots if I want. However if I am only doing covers, I jones to play the heavier stuff if those don't include at least some.

 

[newtonbassist]

Heavy dark, un marketable Metal at our age

Sounds like what we played when I was 30. Looking at your picture I am guessing you guys are 30+ I have some sympathy for the guitarist - I've met people who don't understand the music business and think that gray-haired dudes playing unmarketable music (or any music) could become big if a producer just happens to be in the dive bar the band is playing in and falls in love with the music. Guy probably has his road to stardom figured out in his head and realizes time is fleeting. At the same time you're right to bail... better to get a rush having fun creating something you like vs. delusions of grandeur.