stay or go? what would you do?

[Lava]

If you go, will there be trouble? If you stay will it be double?

 

[TerribleTim68]

If you go, will there be trouble? If you stay will it be double?

Just let him know.......if he should stay or if he should go.

 

[swafran]

Wow. Are your periods synced yet or is this a solo flow?

 

[Nevada Pete]

Yeah, I think a lot of this depends on the therapist, the type of therapy being offered, the kind of problem being addressed, and (not least of all) the attitude of the patient. There are a lot of things that have to come together correctly for therapy to be worthwhile. I wouldn't go alone to a therapist if I had relationship problems (but I have done couples counseling in the past, however now-ex wasn't really committed, so it was pointless). But if I was seriously suffering with something like PTSD? Absolutely worth a shot, and no shame in it.

So many people don't seek help because they are told that it's not useful, or something to be ashamed of, or just a scam. I know there are a lot of dead people who didn't bother to try and thought it was all hopeless. I know that because I personally know at least one person like that who would not seek help, actively railed against "big pharma" whenever it was suggested she might benefit from professional advice, made a video about it and then took her own life.

Maybe it would help and maybe it wouldn't, but those people will never know, because they are dead.

Somehow this discussion has escalated from someone in a band who has taken it upon himself to advertise that he is now "in therapy" (why did he say that?) and / or life's difficulties that some people choose to attempt to resolve via "therapy", all the way to PTSD, and combat veteran suicide. May I kindly point out that PTSD is a psychiatric, i.e., a medical disorder that requires medical treatment. PTSD does not fall under the perview of the behavioral sciences, or "therapy", per se.

I am sorry your friend took her like, but your right, nobody knows if anyone could have helped her. One thing is for sure. Nobody helped her enough. I accept no responsibility whatsoever for anybody doing anything including taking their own life because of anything I may have said or suggested, if that's what your getting at, and certainly not on account of myself professing a well studied opinion held by PhD professionals
(some of whom I know personally) all of whom are far more qualified than myself or anybody else on this forum regarding matters pertaining to either "therapy", or the behavioral sciences, per se.

Sounds like your friend may have been suffering from acute clinical depression. That would be considered a medical condition. When did I ever say anyone should forgo medical treatment? Never. Behavioral therapy and medical treatment are two different things entirely, and somebody owes me an apology.

There is a reason why people, "rally against big pharma". Among many, many books on the subject, you might want to read, "Talking Back to Prozac". That will get you started if you want to know what's going on. The author's evidence is unimpeachable.

Invalid Link Removed

In Oakland we used to say: You don't know what it is, until you know what it ain't. I was pointing out a practice that myself and many others believe professes to be something it ain't. That's all. Within the context of the discussion I thought we were having, I stand by my statements 100%.

 

[MattZilla]

Start auditioning

acoustic guitar/tenor banjo/vox

players

 

[Chango Malo]

Somehow this discussion has escalated from someone in a band who has taken it upon himself to advertise that he is now "in therapy" (why did he say that?) ...

read the post again. I never 'advertised' I was now "in therapy". I said that I though outside help was a good idea and was, and I quote myself here, "talking to someone about 'developing' better people skills". Have a snickers and try to relax.
As for why I put it out there, I'll quote myself again here: "I mentioned it so that people reading the thread realize that the rest of us don't think our poop don't stink and are actively working on improving 'things'."

how 'bout y'all take yer bickering somewhere else now?

 

[LBS-bass]

Somehow this discussion has escalated from someone in a band who has taken it upon himself to advertise that he is now "in therapy" (why did he say that?) and / or life's difficulties that some people choose to attempt to resolve via "therapy", all the way to PTSD, and combat veteran suicide. May I kindly point out that PTSD is a psychiatric, i.e., a medical disorder that requires medical treatment. PTSD does not fall under the perview of the behavioral sciences, or "therapy", per se.

I am sorry your friend took her like, but your right, nobody knows if anyone could have helped her. One thing is for sure. Nobody helped her enough. I accept no responsibility whatsoever for anybody doing anything including taking their own life because of anything I may have said or suggested, if that's what your getting at, and certainly not on account of myself professing a well studied opinion held by PhD professionals
(some of whom I know personally) all of whom are far more qualified than myself or anybody else on this forum regarding matters pertaining to either "therapy", or the behavioral sciences, per se.

Sounds like your friend may have been suffering from acute clinical depression. That would be considered a medical condition. When did I ever say anyone should forgo medical treatment? Never. Behavioral therapy and medical treatment are two different things entirely, and somebody owes me an apology.

There is a reason why people, "rally against big pharma". Among many, many books on the subject, you might want to read, "Talking Back to Prozac". That will get you started if you want to know what's going on. The author's evidence is unimpeachable.

Invalid Link Removed

In Oakland we used to say: You don't know what it is, until you know what it ain't. I was pointing out a practice that myself and many others believe professes to be something it ain't. That's all. Within the context of the discussion I thought we were having, I stand by my statements 100%.

Nothing escalated. Since you can't take a gentle hint, I'll be blunt. Comments like yours are one reason people don't get help. Stop whining. I'm done.

 

[dbsfgyd1]

so:

Playing in a band for nigh on 4 years now. I'm playing guitar, mandolin, bouzouki, and singing. We also have fiddle/vox, acoustic guitar/tenor banjo/vox, bass, and percussion/vox.
rhythm section: solid, dependable, good meter, good groove. I've played with bass dude in a couple other bands as well. He's my favorite bass player in Seattle.
fiddle player: great chops and has some of the best damned ears ever. She'll quote my own fills and solo bits back after hearing it once.

which leads me to acoustic guitar/tenor banjo/vox dude. He's singing 90% of the lead. Which isn't a problem, just a data point. He's solid vocally, good phrasing, isn't pitchy at all, and has great diction. These things aren't the issue. Neither is the banjo stuff. He doesn't play a traditional tenor banjo style, but kind of a finger picking thing. Not BG style finger picking, more of an acoustic guitar fingerstyle thing. This is also not a problem.
Problem is a buncha other stuff.

dude is a BUSY guitar strummer. His right hand gets going and will. not. stop. bangity bangity bang all the way through. Can't not play constantly. Can't/won't palm mute anything so it just rings and rings no matter what. Only plays basic cowboy chords; it's like pulling teeth to get a 7th or god forbid a 9th or worse yet, something like a Am add 2. Try to write a guitar part that isn't cowboy chords and you can bet it'll be dumbed down and played with cowboy chords. Did I mention that he's the BUSIEST acoustic guitar strummer in the world? Absolutely has to fill every nanosecond of every beat with strumming. Plays the same few strumming patterns on everything no matter what. J. Cash and J. Carter's "jackson"? bangity bangity bangity bang all the way through, none of the classic arpeggiated guitar line. Just smash on through. It's like he's playing by himself and not listening to anything the rest of the band is playing. Rhythm section has a nice greasy groove going on? Doesn't matter, bangity bangity bang totally out of synch with what they're doing. It's mind boggling.
There's other stuff as well. Dude will write a tune and automatically think the band wants to play it. Isn't receptive to feedback about stuff he's written. At all.
Dude is really passive-aggressive. Got his feelings hurt a year ago when he pushed bass dude's buttons hard enough that bass dude told him to 'shag off, man'. Now, bass dude didn't handle it well tbh. Oh well, we all have our moments. Problem is guitar dude held that resentment for 6 freaking months and then brought it up and said "I don't want you to just say sorry, I want you to feel bad about it". W.T.F.?
In full disclosure, there were some ruffled feathers all around. Difference is when a couple folks in the band were called out on stuff, they said "damn, sorry, gonna not do that crap anymore. You're right, it's bs y'all had to deal with my poopy attitude." And then made changes to shift the sub-optimal behaviours. Guitar dude is continuing on with his P.A. crap and has taken to petty crap. Like won't respond to anything bass dude asks in the band chats or emails. Makes stage dress plans with a couple folks in the band and doesn't mention anything to others. Grabs a sub for fiddle chick (damned honeymoons in Greece) and doesn't inform bass dude.
Ignores stage issues that affect other people but will stop the show for stuff that affects him. Like last night for some reason the gain on the bass D.I. went to zero for some reason (I think someone was trying to adjust their IEM mix and fat-fingered the gain) and guitar dude's response was "let's just keep playing" HUH????? I fixed it on the fly but what a PITA.
There's a few other things, like guitar dude's penchant for rambling on explaining things to the audience, blah blah blah, but that may be that I'm just out of patience for the guy right now.

So....?

Record and review. An audio example is worth a thousand words.sit him down and make him listen to himself.

 

[bumperbass]

If this guy is as bad as you say he is (and I believe you, btw), why has this behavior gone unnoticed by the other members?
I think it would be hard to throw this band in the trash, with the other talent that you mention.
I would find out how the others feel. If it comes down to where you see it's he that must go or you must go, then you have to walk.

 

[SactoBass]

Either tell the dude he's pooping in the band punchbowl or pull the ripcord.

^^^THIS!

 

[SactoBass]

either Mr. Pita should go (I guarantee you he won’t change his ways) or you should bail.

Yep!

 

[Chango Malo]

If this guy is as bad as you say he is (and I believe you, btw), why has this behavior gone unnoticed by the other members?
I think it would be hard to throw this band in the trash, with the other talent that you mention.
I would find out how the others feel. If it comes down to where you see it's he that must go or you must go, then you have to walk.

tbh it hasn't gone unnoticed by the others. But I'm only gonna speak for me. You understand what I mean I'm sure.

^^^THIS!

A reeeeaaaaaalllly smart dude must have posted that!

 

[SactoBass]

A reeeeaaaaaalllly smart dude must have posted that!

Correct!