For entertainment purposes only, love and light to you all! 
1. Which P bass should I get?
I don't know, do you have a favorite flavor of vanilla ice cream?
2. Which kind of flats should I get for my flats?
Uhhhhh
3. Which color pickguard will make me a better bassist?
Tort made with carrot cellulose
4. What's the best [body wood|fretboard wood|amp|cab|pedal|strings|pickguard] for tone?
Tone is in the fingers. But you definitely need [heavy|light] [body|fingerboard] wood, an SVT, a fridge, at least a dozen pedals, flats and tort.
5. Lines on a fretless?
Of course! (not!)
6. What's the best bass for soft rock?
See question 1.
7. Should I get a short scale?
You should get all the basses.
8. What bass sounds the most like an upright?
An upright.
9. What's my bass worth?
YOU HAVE TO BE A SUPPORTING MEMBER TO ASK THAT (NO YOU DON'T) YES YOU DO etc
10. What kind of bass is this? (grainy Youtube video of a concert from 1973 with a .5 second shot of the bass, partly obscured)
It's definitely a ______; ______ was known to play those from January of 1973 to March of 1973, so that concert is probably from that time frame and you can tell from the headstock it's a.....
11. (Any question that's been asked previously in the past 10 years)
Have you tried the search function? (SOME OF US LIKE TO REHASH THINGS) (The search function doesn't work) (those threads are 10 years old) (I like carrots) (tort)
12. Which [pickup|strings|pickguard|tonewood] will make my P bass sit in the mix the best?
See question 1.
13. What's the obsession with carrots around here?
There is an answer, but it isn't satisfactory, so don't bother looking.
14. My new bass has a fast neck.
No it doesn't.
15. It plays like butter!
Have you ever actually held a stick of butter in your bare hand?
16. (Any question about the drummer)
Fire the drummer.
17. How do I get the guitarist to play quieter?
Put a sheet of music in front of him.
18. Did you hear about the sax player who locked his keys in the car?
Yeah, he had to break out the window to let the drummer out.
19. How can you tell when it's the drummer at your door?
The knocking speeds up.
20. How can you tell when it's the singer at the door?
can't find the key; doesn't know when to come in
1. Which P bass should I get?
I don't know, do you have a favorite flavor of vanilla ice cream?
2. Which kind of flats should I get for my flats?
Uhhhhh
3. Which color pickguard will make me a better bassist?
Tort made with carrot cellulose
4. What's the best [body wood|fretboard wood|amp|cab|pedal|strings|pickguard] for tone?
Tone is in the fingers. But you definitely need [heavy|light] [body|fingerboard] wood, an SVT, a fridge, at least a dozen pedals, flats and tort.
5. Lines on a fretless?
Of course! (not!)
6. What's the best bass for soft rock?
See question 1.
7. Should I get a short scale?
You should get all the basses.
8. What bass sounds the most like an upright?
An upright.
9. What's my bass worth?
YOU HAVE TO BE A SUPPORTING MEMBER TO ASK THAT (NO YOU DON'T) YES YOU DO etc
10. What kind of bass is this? (grainy Youtube video of a concert from 1973 with a .5 second shot of the bass, partly obscured)
It's definitely a ______; ______ was known to play those from January of 1973 to March of 1973, so that concert is probably from that time frame and you can tell from the headstock it's a.....
11. (Any question that's been asked previously in the past 10 years)
Have you tried the search function? (SOME OF US LIKE TO REHASH THINGS) (The search function doesn't work) (those threads are 10 years old) (I like carrots) (tort)
12. Which [pickup|strings|pickguard|tonewood] will make my P bass sit in the mix the best?
See question 1.
13. What's the obsession with carrots around here?
There is an answer, but it isn't satisfactory, so don't bother looking.
14. My new bass has a fast neck.
No it doesn't.
15. It plays like butter!
Have you ever actually held a stick of butter in your bare hand?
16. (Any question about the drummer)
Fire the drummer.
17. How do I get the guitarist to play quieter?
Put a sheet of music in front of him.
18. Did you hear about the sax player who locked his keys in the car?
Yeah, he had to break out the window to let the drummer out.
19. How can you tell when it's the drummer at your door?
The knocking speeds up.
20. How can you tell when it's the singer at the door?
can't find the key; doesn't know when to come in
