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Taking a Stance
- Thread starter bluewine
- Start date
I am definately not a match for every band out there neither are you.
We all come form different places, culturally, ethnically, musically and philosphically.
I am opinionated, stuborn and really proud of how long (longer than most of you have been alive) I have stayed with this passion.
I also realize that a lot my attitude right now is due to my inability to deal with being bandless. And being a natural with years of experience, coming out of a cool working band, with cool material, young,cool good people and the best lead front in the city,to being rejected by pieces of @%$^ start up bands.
I have two auditions coming up within the next 2 weeks.Who knows maybe one of the bands will be worth my time and will have the common sense and realize what I offer and what my experience can bring to their band,If not, @*&* em.
BTW, I let that other band that thought they were going string me a long know that without my experiense and what my bass playing will add and distinquish them from other bands, like most start ups you will never see your 1st gig. And they won't.I'm certain of it.
Here's a little process I like to use to keep my head from rising to unwarranted sizes
Has my current approach got me to where I want to be, or is it getting me to where I want to be? If not, then being stubborn may not be the most productive path
Has my current approach got me to where I want to be, or is it getting me to where I want to be? If not, then being stubborn may not be the most productive path
dont take music so seriously, you may end up playing with these guys for years just waiting another week
About waiting. You know, if I could say , hey, I know there are a lot of young really good bass players out here lookin for work and want to play. I would sit back shut up and understand my place.
Thats not the case here. I know the caliber of cats showing up for these auditions. Mostly guys straight from the bedroom with little to no experience.
Most of the hot bass players are working and if they arn't, they wouldn't give these start ups the time of day.
I realize my situation is a little different so I am willing to give these new comers a chance. Unfortunately, with their own lack of knowledge and experince, they don't get it.
Regardless of how I must sound to most of you. My approach has been:
To know the audition material like the back of my hand
Show up on time
Set up quickly
Be confident yet a little humble
Be positive
Be a decent guy
Where I fall short is screening and being more selective on who I will grace my presence with.
Holy @#%@! Is this thread STILL going? 
Dude, I don't want to come off as an armchair therapist giving advice over the Internet, but I've read a number of your posts and threads on here. I say this with a lot of heart behind it and not a slight, but your self-concept is too wrapped up in being in a (popular) band. That's not even saying your self-concept is wrapped up in being a musician or in music; it's wrapped up in being in a band. You feel that your self-worth is contingent upon being in a band. You're trying to find some meaning in all of the superficial crap that comes with playing music - the fast girls, the adoration. All of that stuff is fun, and there's nothing inherently wrong with it; but it is what it is. If the drunk bar girl's 25, it's not going to change the fact that you're 57.
Again, I don't want to be all armchair therapist, but whatever existential meaning or self-actualization you're trying to reach, you're never going to find it by going about it the way you currently are. You're putting the cart before the horse. Some people think that great front people often are great because of huge inferiority complexes. Some are. But can you imagine the presence of a front person who was totally self-actualized? That would be real presence and charisma!
It sucks that the kick ass band you were in broke up. But there's a Buddhist teaching that states that nothing is permanent and nothing lasts forever. The sooner one accepts that, the better he or she will be.
Dude, I don't want to come off as an armchair therapist giving advice over the Internet, but I've read a number of your posts and threads on here. I say this with a lot of heart behind it and not a slight, but your self-concept is too wrapped up in being in a (popular) band. That's not even saying your self-concept is wrapped up in being a musician or in music; it's wrapped up in being in a band. You feel that your self-worth is contingent upon being in a band. You're trying to find some meaning in all of the superficial crap that comes with playing music - the fast girls, the adoration. All of that stuff is fun, and there's nothing inherently wrong with it; but it is what it is. If the drunk bar girl's 25, it's not going to change the fact that you're 57.
Again, I don't want to be all armchair therapist, but whatever existential meaning or self-actualization you're trying to reach, you're never going to find it by going about it the way you currently are. You're putting the cart before the horse. Some people think that great front people often are great because of huge inferiority complexes. Some are. But can you imagine the presence of a front person who was totally self-actualized? That would be real presence and charisma!
It sucks that the kick ass band you were in broke up. But there's a Buddhist teaching that states that nothing is permanent and nothing lasts forever. The sooner one accepts that, the better he or she will be.
You feel that your self-worth is contingent upon being in a band. You're trying to find some meaning in all of the superficial crap that comes with playing music.
It's all I really know. And yeah, I kind of feel like it was taken away from me.
The fast girls, the adoration. All of that stuff is fun, and there's nothing inherently wrong with it; but it is what it is. If the drunk bar girl's 25, it's not going to change the fact that you're 57.
I beg to differ, I speak from experience.
It's all I really know. And yeah, I kind of feel like it was taken away from me.
The fast girls, the adoration. All of that stuff is fun, and there's nothing inherently wrong with it; but it is what it is. If the drunk bar girl's 25, it's not going to change the fact that you're 57.
I beg to differ, I speak from experience.
jive1
Commercial User
It's obvious that right now you need a band, more than they need you. Treat them like peers, and you'll get further. No-body, even the most clueless, going nowhere folks in the world won't want to hire a guy who thinks they are above them, let alone bands that are actually doing something.
A few years back I was in a (rather bad, I admit) classic rock cover band. At one point our drummer (who was by far the best musician of the bunch) quit over some undisclosed dispute with the rhythm guitarist. So we needed a new drummer.
There were two guys who showed up for an audition. One was a very young cat with a funk background. He and I clicked like we were joined at the hip and to date it is one of my most treasured memories of any audition or rehearsal. The groove was phenomenal.
The second guy was a punk drummer and it showed. I worked my arse off and was literally sweating profusely just trying to get the groove going and helping him keep the beat. It was hard work, seriously.
We went with the punk drummer. It was a unanimous decision by the band. Wanna know why? Because we knew that the funk drummer, the better musician of the two, would bail as soon as a better (read: not just getting started and building a set list) band would come along. When I told him that later on, he said we were right about it and respected our decision to do so.
Just because you are the better musician, does not mean you are the better choice for that band.
I don't care if the name "Lee Sklar" is at the top of your resume. As long as you are thinking this way you have nothing to offer any band.
Forget about yourself and concentrate more on the people outside you. Be genuinely interested in what they have to offer you and let them know that you notice it. That makes people WANT to look closer and find the positives within you.
"It's obvious that right now you need a band, more than they need you. Treat them like peers, and you'll get further. No-body, even the most clueless, going nowhere folks in the world won't want to hire a guy who thinks they are above them, let alone bands that are actually doing something."
Bingo. You can talk about "acting humble and cool," but usually feelings of being better than others around you quickly bubble to the surface. Even clueless hacks can pick up on that.
Bingo. You can talk about "acting humble and cool," but usually feelings of being better than others around you quickly bubble to the surface. Even clueless hacks can pick up on that.
At that open mic last Thurs I played with my actual band which is made up of a a bunch of people who haven't been on stage before and me. We played with a former drummer of mine and that great guitar player with an ego. My band sounded decent but we sounded better with the other two. I'd take the drummer and guitar player that I have now over those other 2 any day. My bandmates are much funner to be around and that is what is most important. Outside of my immediate family I will see them more than anyone so I we must get along well. It is just fun playing with them. Playing with ego trip is only fun because his piss poor attitude is limited at the open mic.
Seriously, if you can't check that ego, you are going to continue to be "rejected by pieces of @%$^ start up bands". They will get really tired of hearing about how great you had it with your other super-awesome band/s of the past.
I think you're looking in the wrong demographic, experience-wise.
bluewine, you seem like a genuine guy to me. It's really difficult to know your worth and have high standards, and sound humble at the same time... especially over the internet. So don't be surprised when people call you an egomaniac or whatever, it's easy to interpret some of your posts like that. But sometimes only you know what you gotta do, and it seems like you got it. Just don't lose that open mind and learning attitude! Keep on chugging -- the greater and more extraordinary/different ideas you have, the more difficult it is to make them happen. You want to find that ONE girl? It ain't just gonna happen. That ONE band for you? It doesn't just happen quickly or easily. You know...
Personal suggestion, maybe you should try starting your own group if you haven't already.
Personal suggestion, maybe you should try starting your own group if you haven't already.
Yeah, your right, I know it's the wrong demograhic. I guess I am not sure where I fit in.I have made it clear that I am a Pop Rock guy. I am not goin to play blues, jazz or country with uys my age.
Well, I might try contemporary country or whatever you want to call the cooler stuff coming out of Nashville.
Blue you know i feel for you in this search for a band and understand you are frustrated but you confuse me. Contemporary Country? A few posts ago you were saying you wouldn't play with rednecks? I don't think you have thought that one out.
I also think that your image and the bands image is more important than the music to you and it need to appear to the female side of the audience.
Playing with some older groovy' cats in a good blues band or jazz group wont cut it since that will lump you with folks your age and wont let you blend in with the younger hip players.
You need to make your mind up if music is a image or a place to pretend your something your not. Just get with some good guys and play good music. Do you have to judge or have an image before you can decide if its a good band?
You will be more successful in an band of cats your age doing the jazz ,blues thing than chasin a pop rock act. I'm pretty sure of that.
yep.....57 is 57 no matter how you slice it.....there is only the music at this point.........the more contemporary the band the more image conscious they are likely to be.....when old guys with a even a ton of chops and experience approach a young band it is not from a position of strength....unless you're neil young it is more likely to be a "we'll try it and see"because there are no other acceptable options....
the redneck bands,or the blues/jazz,hawaiian shirted,fedora wearin' old timers may not be the ideal image,and may not be the best vehicle for gittin' chicks,but if the guys are generally cool to hang with,and if they to want make some good music it seems like the best option......
hate to say it blue, but time has narrowed your options and you will have to accept it sooner or later.....
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