but I have played my share shows and have pushed my rigs pretty hard...
No, you haven't, because....
I have never blew out a speaker or head
Ergo.
I must have had the best of luck in this regard.
I am somewhat younger than you. Never played pro. Probably have 100 shows under my belt. I played exactly 10 of them with FOH support. I've blown 5 15"s and destroyed the crossover in a 12" speaker.
I played with mixed drivers most of my life. Never got what I wanted compared to when I played with matched drivers.
I have played my rig loud, you have not. There is nothing wrong with that.
I found the limits of what my cabinets, you have not. There
was something wrong with that. I'd rather not again. So I try and learn the science.
Quite frankly you can play you bass out of a HAM radio but if you aren't exceeding its capabilities you WON'T blow it.
So, yes you have been lucky. Not in regards to your equipment, but in regards to success. When you played larger gigs you were probably supported by the PA. All the speakers and watts in your rig didn't mean anything. All the speakers and watts in the PA did the work.
The mixing sizes blowing drivers thing only happens when you push things past the point of sense. Reasonable volumes don't have these issues. Of course with reasonable volumes you can carry less cabinet and achieve the same thing....
The mixing drivers to achieve a tone thing only works when the overall sensitivity of each cabinet is close. 4x10 vs 115 is generally 2:1 ratio of sensitivity. So your 15 isn't being heard over the 4x10 much. A 210 over a 115, generally much closer. Same goes for a 2x10 with a 4x10 1:2 ratio in sensitivity if they're the same impedance. If there not the ratio can be all over the map.
Those are generalities but thats generally what folks are screaming about.
Also, welcome to Talkbass, I learn here everyday. You can come along.