The Heebie Jeebies won't become more bearable with time ...

[el murdoque]

One of our singers, a 24yr old female human, is experiencing a serious form of the stage fright. It'll start on the day before the gig, she's lying awake, tossing about all night and is a nervous wreck during the day - and it won't go away unitl the gig is done.

She's with us for some time now and has played a few dozen gigs. It's not getting better.

She has refused a few times when someone brought in the opportunity to play somewhere and did not specify a legit reason, so we assumed she simply does not want to and got mad at her. She was beating around the bushes until we cornered her and she had to admit it's not because she is too lazy or does not care, it is because she's afraid.
We have scheduled gigs coming up, the last one is mid September - and she will do those no matter what. Afterwards, we'll see.
So basically we have to either train a new one or fix the one we got.

Have you ever encountered someone who's got it this bad and did that person overcome it - if so, how?

 

[turf3]

Well, the light bulb has to WANT to change.

Has she indicated any motivation to seek therapy for the stage fright?

You, as band members, do not have responsibility for healing someone else's psychological issues.

 

[Kevorargh]

turf3 hits it on the head - you can sympathize for her dilemma, and her anxiety is real, but unless she works on it, things won't change.

Good Luck!

 

[fu22ba55]

Read about Andy Partridge / XTC.

He went cold turkey off of valium (which he had been taking chronically since childhood), and a year later imploded with stagefright right before a massive tour opening for The Police.

 

[BassFishingInAmerica]

All I can say is try some mental conditioning. She needs to try to convert nervousness into energy. Use that expended energy and channel it, rather than waste it — like the story of people exhibiting incredible feats of strength in moments of fear. The only fear is the fear, itself. Now, she probably only focuses on the problem, rather than believe that there is any solution. Things will only get worse if she doesn’t believe she can do it.

 

[mike o]

Stage freight is normal for most people early on. The only way to work through it is by medication or just doing it more till it gets easier. I prefer the latter. I had pretty severe stage freight for 1/2 my gigging life. It sucks when your mind is thinking up worst case scenarios prior to shows. The thing that I learned was majority of people want you to be good as opposed to waiting for you to lose it and make fun of you. And, if you do make any kind of mistake, big or small, just laugh and understand no one is perfect on stage. Puts you and the audience (if they noticed) at ease. This is just part of live performance. A moment in time that goes by very fast and and forgotten as quickly as it happens. Good luck.

 

[Oddly]

I'm wondering what is is she's afraid of...
Forgetting her words, some sort of wardrobe malfunction, sexual harassment, electrocution, total apathy from the audience, or heckling, or beerbottles/eggs getting thrown at her.
Is it anything specific like that, or just a general fear of performing?
I'm assuming she performs well when she does a show, or you wouldn't still be using her...Did anything happen at a previous show?

 

[Killing Floor]

It’s real. If she wants it therapy will help.

You said she’s a human?

 

[AceOfBassFace]

I used to throw up before gigs, and my hands would be shaking for the first few songs. It just went away with time, maybe 2 or 3 years of solid gigging. Now I have almost zero stage fright, more a feeling of anticipation and excitement. I also find the more prepared I am, the less anxious I get.

The advice that helped me the most was to re-direct my fear - 'pretending' that it was excitement, since those two emotions are quite similar, at least in the way your body reacts physiologically with adrenaline. I channeled the excitement into stage antics and it really helped. I was still shaking, but the crowd never seemed to notice because I was jumping around.

As for not being able to sleep, that's a tough one - I still have that from time to time when I'm anxious about something at work. I find that reading a book helps, nothing to cerebral though - just something to interrupt the swirling vortex of anxious thoughts until I fall asleep.

 

[Oddly]

It’s real. If she wants it therapy will help.

You said she’s a human?

A 24 years old female one, no less...
Which may or may not explain everything...


As for advice, I can't remember who first said it, or the context, but the idea of picturing the audience naked might help...

 

[el murdoque]

You said she’s a human?

TBH I merely assumed that. (Correct amount of Limbs, all the components where they are supposed to be and warm to the touch. Blinking motion is up/down not sideways.)

 

[HardNHeavy]

Zanex!

 

[dbsfgyd1]

One of our singers, a 24yr old female human, is experiencing a serious form of the stage fright. It'll start on the day before the gig, she's lying awake, tossing about all night and is a nervous wreck during the day - and it won't go away unitl the gig is done.

She's with us for some time now and has played a few dozen gigs. It's not getting better.

She has refused a few times when someone brought in the opportunity to play somewhere and did not specify a legit reason, so we assumed she simply does not want to and got mad at her. She was beating around the bushes until we cornered her and she had to admit it's not because she is too lazy or does not care, it is because she's afraid.
We have scheduled gigs coming up, the last one is mid September - and she will do those no matter what. Afterwards, we'll see.
So basically we have to either train a new one or fix the one we got.

Have you ever encountered someone who's got it this bad and did that person overcome it - if so, how?

Yes, and no. Eventually he couldn’t leave his house. He ended up drinking himself into an early grave.

This sort of thing is no joke, and anxiety is not exactly rare. My highly uneducated guess is she may want to seek medical help, the sooner the better.

 

[bassdude51]

Does her nervousness and anxiety go away once she's on stage singing?

I saw a video clip of Elvis before going on stage for a performance and he was a wreck! But, once on stage, he was OK. He was like that!

I saw a video of Pete Townsend saying that Keith Moon used to vomit from anxiety before concerts.

Is her desire to sing live stronger than her fear? Perhaps it is not mentally healthy for her to continue. I don't know but I feel her pain! Some of us struggle everyday with nervousness and anxiety from daily living and it's encounters with obstacles.

 

[badinage]

I can relate to a lot of this, but I don't really think stagefright was the right word for it. When I was young and "in over my head" everyone around me knew that beginning six to eight before showtime I could not eat, spoke very little, and if I couldn't be found 20 minutes to downbeat it's because I was probably somewhere throwing up. Properly-timed and dosed application of alcohol was part of the process also, and at the time truly helped. I haven't experienced more that butterflies in a long time, and eventually I quit all substance abuse completely, I'm a teetotaler now. So it's maybe just nothing to freak or go to therapy over at this point.

When I and the rest of the band accepted it as just part of my "routine" and not something to worry about, it got better quicker. In other words, don't add to the anxiety by treating it as a defect.

 

[HardNHeavy]

it can be debilitating for some....my wife works with many people with issues like this. I'm reminded of how fkt up the world is......but there is help.

 

[REV]

With regard to her fear ask her "what's the worst thing that could happen"? Then ask her "how does she see this happening"? Ask her " Has this ever happened" ? Ask her " what makes you think this will happen" ? Ask her "if this happens, what will be the result"? Ask her " if this happens will it matter in three days? three weeks? three months?. If it won't matter then why will it matter now?

 

[LBS-bass]

There are non-addictive medications for this called beta-blockers. Stage fright (performance anxiety) is very common. Ideally she will be willing to seek medical advice from her doctor (and not random people on the internet like me) and hopefully they can come up with a plan that can help.

Beta-Blockers for Performance Anxiety and Social Phobia – Anxieties.com

 

[BassFalcon]

A little stage fright is expected and even desirable, I believe those with “Dr.” before their name call it eustress, which is a positive stressor, the adrenaline heightens your senses and focuses your mind. Sounds like she’s way past that, and it could be anything from just straight up performance anxiety to on-stage bringing up some sort of really dark trauma or anything in between. No idea. It’s time for professional help. Even if she doesn’t have insurance, mental health resources *should* be pretty easy to access in most communities, even for those without the means to pay. But as others have mentioned, she has to want to get help. No one can do that work for her.

 

[MotorCityMinion]

Have you ever encountered someone who's got it this bad and did that person overcome it - if so, how?

Me. In my youth it was no problem. As a mid-life adult, I'd worry about every detail on stage. Audio quality, skills, clothing. Do they like what they hear or see? Is this the right music for this crowd? I got so paranoid about it, the solution for me was to give up.
I can jam with people in a small private setting, but in public, not gonna happen.