The Heebie Jeebies won't become more bearable with time ...

[1st Bass]

Mine was not severe… I just “felt” that I needed a trip to the restroom… every time. It did not seem to matter how recently I had gone. When it was time to take the podium, I felt that I needed to go again.

Finally, in front of a large congregation, I stepped to the podium, and protested, “WHY is it, that EVERY time I get up to preach, I feel as though I need to urinate??”

The whole crowd burst out laughing, as if I had “told a joke to break the ice.” And it never happened again. That has been more than thirty years ago.

 

[StatesideRambler]

Her stage fright may never go away but with the band’s help she may be able to manage it or deal with it. If she’s a good singer and the band wants to keep her then the band members need to understand that it might be there forever and do what they’re able to help her deal with it.

Barbra Streisand is a star who has famously dealt with stage fright throughout her career.

 

[gln1955]

There are non-addictive medications for this called beta-blockers. Stage fright (performance anxiety) is very common. Ideally she will be willing to seek medical advice from her doctor (and not random people on the internet like me) and hopefully they can come up with a plan that can help.

Beta-Blockers for Performance Anxiety and Social Phobia – Anxieties.com

The use of beta-blockers for anxiety symptoms is off-label (i.e.,not approved by the FDA). They are effective in controlling the physical symptoms of an overactive sympathetic nervous system, but do nothing about the uncomfortable mental state of the anxiety sufferer.

If her anxiety if seriously affecting her performance or is also creeping into other areas of her life, a proper medical evaluation is called for. My own slant is that cognitive behavioral therapy is preferred over throwing drugs at a problem.

 

[juancaminos]

Some times just one beer makes all the difference. If I haven't played in a while or if we have a new gig venue I may get a little stage fright but it goes away after a few songs.

A few years ago I joined a start up band that was pretty good at rehearsal in the garage. But the guitar player had terrible stage fright once we started playing. I was so bad that he walked away for the band after a few gigs.

 

[LBS-bass]

The use of beta-blockers for anxiety symptoms is off-label (i.e.,not approved by the FDA). They are effective in controlling the physical symptoms of an overactive sympathetic nervous system, but do nothing about the uncomfortable mental state of the anxiety sufferer.

If her anxiety if seriously affecting her performance or is also creeping into other areas of her life, a proper medical evaluation is called for. My own slant is that cognitive behavioral therapy is preferred over throwing drugs at a problem.

This is why I specifically said she needs to see a doctor and not rely on us for advice.

I would rather she be aware of alternatives to some of the addictive meds (Xanax) or other options (like alcohol) suggested previously so she can make an informed decision with the help of her physician.

Why no one had a problem with those suggestions, while mine is singled out, I don't really know.

<removes helpful hat and shuffles off to not give AF anymore>

 

[arbitrary]

Avoidance always makes anxiety worse.

 

[HolmeBass]

Beta blockers work for this. A lot of big time performers use them. Combined with talk therapy and mindfulness training she can overcome this.

 

[51PRI]

One of our singers, a 24yr old female human, is experiencing a serious form of the stage fright. It'll start on the day before the gig, she's lying awake, tossing about all night and is a nervous wreck during the day - and it won't go away unitl the gig is done.

She's with us for some time now and has played a few dozen gigs. It's not getting better.

She has refused a few times when someone brought in the opportunity to play somewhere and did not specify a legit reason, so we assumed she simply does not want to and got mad at her. She was beating around the bushes until we cornered her and she had to admit it's not because she is too lazy or does not care, it is because she's afraid.
We have scheduled gigs coming up, the last one is mid September - and she will do those no matter what. Afterwards, we'll see.
So basically we have to either train a new one or fix the one we got.

Have you ever encountered someone who's got it this bad and did that person overcome it - if so, how?

I read that Bill Russell of the Celtics got so nervous before EVERY GAME HE EVER PLAYED that he threw up before the game. Maybe reading his biography would give some hints about what he did, and if he ever got over it.

 

[Ewo]

A couple years ago I retired from my day job as a university prof, but in my whole time as faculty I always asked my department chair to give me a particular 200-level speech class. (It was a bit odd, because lower division undergrad classes are mostly taught by rookie profs or grad assistants--rarely do senior profs request those.)

I liked teaching those classes because I figured I could help the students who were anxious about getting up in front of an audience--which was around 90% of them, at the beginning of the semester. And actually, most of them did make good progress.

I coached them with three essential concepts. First, that the goal wasn't to stop feeling anxious; it was to learn to transform the anxiety into energy they could use to animate their performance. Second, the way to do that transformation was to put in the time to prepare thoroughly, and keep upping their skill level at doing presentations. And the third was to be realistic about assessing their personal strengths and weaknesses in presenting. I told them to be patient with themselves, and kept throwing a slogan at them: "Build on your strengths; work on your weaknesses."

Hope something in that might help your singer, OP. And if you're guessing that maybe those concepts occurred to me as I dealt with my own (moderate) stage fright, you'd be exactly right!

 

[Vooter]

I read that Bill Russell of the Celtics got so nervous before EVERY GAME HE EVER PLAYED that he threw up before the game. Maybe reading his biography would give some hints about what he did, and if he ever got over it.

Hall of Fame St. Louis Blues goalie Glenn Hall did the same thing...

 

[31HZ]

I take Lexapro for general anxiety and it's made my pre-show stage fright much more manageable.

 

[Axtman]

I still have a little bit of stage fright, but it is not debilitating. I have read that a lot of professional musicians have the same.

My advice is that you have to face your fears. Of course easier said than done. But that is a way to get desensitized to it.

Years ago a friend signed me up to go tandem sky-diving on Friday afternoon. This was on a Monday. I was terrified all week long. I did not sleep well. I did not work well. My whole life was consumed with fear. I thought of every excuse in the book to get out of it. When we pulled into the parking lot something just "clicked" and I lost most of my fear. I was just so tired of being scared that I did not care if I died. I just wanted to stop being afraid. The jump ended up being exhilerating. Afterwards, I felt powerfull and fearless and very proud of myself for facing my fears.

 

[newwavefrank]

With regard to her fear ask her "what's the worst thing that could happen"? Then ask her "how does she see this happening"? Ask her " Has this ever happened" ? Ask her " what makes you think this will happen" ? Ask her "if this happens, what will be the result"? Ask her " if this happens will it matter in three days? three weeks? three months?. If it won't matter then why will it matter now?

None of this will help someone with sever anxiety like that. Logic plays no part in it. Luckily mine is not that bad and hundreds of gigs have made it better, but I still get anxious before a gig no matter how low key it is.

 

[sean_on_bass]

Positive self talk can help, and/or a change in perception about the performance. Also doing it more will lessen the anxiety but that can take time. Some though, will simply find that they just don't have the personality to be relaxed on stage. Some people just can't not take the performance way too seriously. Personally, i take the attitude that it is OK to embarrass yourself on stage every now and then and that most audiences are way more forgiving then we think. Also it is important to make it a fun atmosphere on stage and to sort of make a game out of it. I like to see smiles and laughter on stage, not stern focus.

 

[sean_on_bass]

None of this will help someone with sever anxiety like that. Logic plays no part in it. Luckily mine is not that bad and hundreds of gigs have made it better, but I still get anxious before a gig no matter how low key it is.

Well, those are some of the things a therapist will ask you, or at least mine did. And it did help with repeated enforcement.

 

[TyBo]

It sounds like the anxiety is pretty long lasting, and not just confined basically to the time of the event itself. For day-before anxiety, or early day-of, one thing that might be helpful in giving an outlet for that nervous energy is simply exercise. I run regularly, and when I get done, all's right with the world, generally. It appears the classic "runner's high" is related to cannabinoids released by the body, which hit the receptors sort of like a cbd type of thing. Or maybe it's something else (used to be thought to be opioid receptors, for example). Whatever the mechanism, blowing off steam, finding focus for excess energy, and putting the body through its paces, can have a marvelous psychological effect (there are even studies showing this). So that's something to consider. Always makes me feel better, anyway.

 

[sean_on_bass]

It sounds like the anxiety is pretty long lasting, and not just confined basically to the time of the event itself. For day-before anxiety, or early day-of, one thing that might be helpful in giving an outlet for that nervous energy is simply exercise. I run regularly, and when I get done, all's right with the world, generally. It appears the classic "runner's high" is related to cannabinoids released by the body, which hit the receptors sort of like a cbd type of thing. Or maybe it's something else (used to be thought to be opioid receptors, for example). Whatever the mechanism, blowing off steam, finding focus for excess energy, and putting the body through its paces, can have a marvelous psychological effect (there are even studies showing this). So that's something to consider. Always makes me feel better, anyway.

100%. Healthy living is a great way to stave off anxiety. Exercise and clean eating.

 

[StyleOverShow]

Propanol is a standard Beta blocker. Works well as far as I’ve seen, but no actual experience with it. I get a rush and use it onstage.

 

[monkeyfinger]

Some de-sensitizing therapy may help. I assume she is ok performing with the band members. How is she playing in front of a small group of people she knows? Maybe try some sets in the rehearsal room with a small private audience, then try a couple of off-night open mics.

 

[Jason Hollar]

We deal with this in our family. Fortunately there’s much less stigma these days when seeking professional help.

Hey a little happy pill can work absolute wonders in getting a hyper sensitive person to relax and refocus.

Also keeping her in a routine with practice, set list, and schedule can help the process moving forward.

If she - or any of you guys are available to do earlier load in, set ups, and sound checks in newer venues, that’s a good place to burn off some nerves before a show.

For me east coast traffic between cities is a major source of stress so I always leave early and pack snacks. Good luck!