The Heebie Jeebies won't become more bearable with time ...

[RJC1811]

I would get it if I had the opening riff to a song or a big solo when I played guitar. What helped me was focusing on the tone and making each not sound beautiful. If I did that I couldn't worry about getting it wrong, my focus was each note. Now it's funny, I'll get a little on edge the day of, before I load my gear or anything. I also get a little cranky if my wife makes a big dinner or nice meal. I just can't switch off and enjoy dinner. Once the car is loaded and I'm in process, all is well. During set up, I'm relaxed and happy, can't wait for that first song.

 

[el murdoque]

I'm wondering what is is she's afraid of...
Forgetting her words, some sort of wardrobe malfunction, sexual harassment, electrocution, total apathy from the audience, or heckling, or beerbottles/eggs getting thrown at her.
Is it anything specific like that, or just a general fear of performing?
I'm assuming she performs well when she does a show, or you wouldn't still be using her...Did anything happen at a previous show?

AFAIK she's making up scenarios of what could go wrong and how. She's pretty solid in pitch, but not perfect in time and struggles with (please teach me the proper word for it - prelude? upbeat? when the singing starts on the 3 but the band enters on the next 1) from time to time. She has not messed up anything, at least not badly, and all the gigs I played with her went well.

She needs some professional help. If she won't do that, then you know what to do better than any of us.

Dude, she's been in the band for years, but I've never seen her even touch the drum kit.









As I said earlier, she was able to mask it well. Her attitude came across as "I've got other things to do that are more fun than the band" which got us mad at her, while her performances were steady and solid - no one suspected she started crapping her pants on the day before the gig.

 

[Pings Bass]

No matter how well rehearsed I am, I always start off a gig with jitters.

I used to rely on booze, but I've found beta blockers do the trick with zero side effects.

You'd be surprised how many TV news people and politicians do them, too.

 

[D.A.R.K.]

Perhaps some organic therapy with a real professional:
Mushrooms for Anxiety: The Potential Power of Psilocybin

 

[MichelD]

We had a woman singer who would vomit and have diarrhea before a show, obsessively poke at her ears with Q-Tips, Drink a bottle of Chinese Lo Quat srup, just abut have to be shoved on stage and then turn into Linda Ronstadt.

 

[MYLOWFREQ]

While I've had no problems with stage fright as a musician, I'm an amateur magician and I used to have stage fright when I performed for people here and there.

Stage fright might have different reasons. Sometimes we care about what we do so much, and anxiety kicks in and turns into stage fright. Sometimes it's because we think we're not good enough (and it can be true). Sometimes it's simply because we don't have enough experience, and sometimes it's a mixture of all these and some other things. If she can pinpoint the reason(s) of her stage fright, it'll be easier to fix it. One way to defeat stage fright is to work harder and get better. She should play as much as she can and with experience she'll overcome stage fright. Encouragement from others also helps. There are books written on the subject as well.

I wish her good luck!

 

[6-3-2]

I will echo everyone else saying getting professional help is a smart thing and on top of that treatments for anxiety are often very effective and fairly quick. There's no shame in medication, but talking to someone is important and extremely powerful. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to literally change the way our brains work. As much as many people suffering with mental illness think it's permanent, much of it is not. So many people, myself included, have gotten dramatically healthier with treatment. The hardest part of taking the big first step and seeking help.

It's also important to handle these things delicately with anxious people, as being aggressive can create even more anxiety, which won't help anybody. I feel for her, I really do. Mental illness can be so ruthless, but hopefully addressing it at a young age can mean enjoying music and ultimately life more.

 

[TyBo]

You did realize, that was a joke? But since your answer suggests you took it more seriously than intended... Do you know how ICD 11 & DSM 7 develope?

I do.

Just seemed an odd joke to bring up out of left field, so I made a quick response. Whateves.

 

[icefly]

If she wants to sing on stage, she needs some professional medical help (therapu or medication).
That´s it.

 

[PillO]

The use of beta-blockers for anxiety symptoms is off-label (i.e.,not approved by the FDA). They are effective in controlling the physical symptoms of an overactive sympathetic nervous system, but do nothing about the uncomfortable mental state of the anxiety sufferer.

If her anxiety if seriously affecting her performance or is also creeping into other areas of her life, a proper medical evaluation is called for. My own slant is that cognitive behavioral therapy is preferred over throwing drugs at a problem.

This. ^^^^^^

CBT helps these types of problems. Sometimes certain drugs can aid the progress of CBT.

If the singer does not want to enter therapy, there is nothing you can do. Until a person seeks help, they can't be helped. Even if you were a licensed therapist, you would be unable to help until help is asked for; it's called patient informed consent.

 

[LBS-bass]

I’m not a fan of CBT. Sorry. In my experience it’s usually an attempt to convince you that your feelings aren’t valid. But I’m sure that can be helpful in a way. I guess we pick our poisons.

 

[BtaylorTheRogue]

A: therapy. Even a few hundred bucks worth.

B: the person suggesting microdosing mushrooms is right, but who knows if that's doable for her

C: a couple dozen gigs? Like, around 25 gigs? No improvement? How regular are the gigs? She needs to be dragged on stage over and over again, without long periods in-between to build dread. Like, 1-2x a week open mics, weekly shows, whatever.

 

[truand85]

Nothing a shot of whiskey won't fix right up

 

[PillO]

I’m not a fan of CBT. Sorry. In my experience it’s usually an attempt to convince you that your feelings aren’t valid. But I’m sure that can be helpful in a way. I guess we pick our poisons.

I am sorry that you had a bad experience. I would blame the practitioner for your experience, as CBT is nowhere near invalidation/denial of feelings.

 

[LBS-bass]

I am sorry that you had a bad experience. I would blame the practitioner for your experience, as CBT is nowhere near invalidation/denial of feelings.

I may have run into some practitioners that didn’t think I’d thought it through. I really despise it when people assume you’re too stupid to understand what has happened to you.

 

[Ductapeman]

I knew a similar young woman a number of decades back, stunning voice and stunningly beautiful, but the worst twitch in front of people I've ever seen. She almost quit performing, but a friend of mine's brother was a licensed therapeutic hypnotist and helped her over the fright. She went on to have a nice run in bands, then met Mr. Right and still does recordings, but doesn't perform any more because of the kids (can't argue with that). He also helped my ex quit smoking. Might have a look in your area for a well-regarded guy-- just saying.

 

[tbz]

I used to suffer from stage fright.

Signed up to play Brad in a local Rocky Horror Picture show cast. After 3 months of weekly performances in my tighty whities or womens lingerie it became much less intimidating to stand onstage with a bass.

Your mileage may vary.

 

[LowActionHero]

I never had it severe, but I did have a bit of stagefright. I think what 'cured' me was lots of repetition, the more we played the more it went away.

 

[GretschWretch]

Mine was not severe… I just “felt” that I needed a trip to the restroom… every time. It did not seem to matter how recently I had gone. When it was time to take the podium, I felt that I needed to go again.

Finally, in front of a large congregation, I stepped to the podium, and protested, “WHY is it, that EVERY time I get up to preach, I feel as though I need to urinate??”

The whole crowd burst out laughing, as if I had “told a joke to break the ice.” And it never happened again. That has been more than thirty years ago.

You haven't had to urinate in more than thirty years? Surprises the pi$$ out of me.

Seriously, and I am going to look like I've lost my mind here, a "preventive" for bladder/bowel issues -- especially the latter -- before a performance is to consume four to six Life Savers beginning a few hours before the gig. For some reason the lower pyloric valve closes and stays closed until several hours after the gig. You simply do not need to "go." Until much later.

If you are playing for a weekend re-enactment where you have some hundreds of people sharing eight porto-lets for three days these things become important.

 

[GretschWretch]

No, you can't.

I used to get a bit of stage fright when I was young; I coped with it by preparing so thoroughly for shows that I knew there was no real way I could fail. Being confident in what I was bringing to the stage helped a lot.

Yep; this is me, even going as far back as school band in junior high school. Knowing I had mastered the material staved off the butterflies.