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The Heebie Jeebies won't become more bearable with time ...
- Thread starter el murdoque
- Start date
When I taught certified welding inspection and supervision classes at work, my confidence was based on having extremely good course content.
The classes literally changed how people did their jobs. After the first two terms teaching those concepts, I never had fear, starting a new group of students.
Being thoroughly prepared with a powerful presentation is a huge help.
But, I agree that, where true phobias are involved, no “tricks” are going to fix the problem. I hope your singer can overcome her fear, and accept the truth that others are genuinely being uplifted, cheered, and moved by her voice.
The classes literally changed how people did their jobs. After the first two terms teaching those concepts, I never had fear, starting a new group of students.
Being thoroughly prepared with a powerful presentation is a huge help.
But, I agree that, where true phobias are involved, no “tricks” are going to fix the problem. I hope your singer can overcome her fear, and accept the truth that others are genuinely being uplifted, cheered, and moved by her voice.
A good friend of mine who is an amazing guitar player and gifted dispenser of wisdom, once told a singer who was losing her mind over something (again):
"Jane, the worst thing that can possibly happen has happened so many times no one will notice".
All kidding aside, there is a lot of truth to that.
Often a bit of support and encouragement can make a huge difference in someone's confidence. Maybe a few extra "attaboy's" now and then.
I know, it sounds too simple, but you never know...
Mike
"Jane, the worst thing that can possibly happen has happened so many times no one will notice".
All kidding aside, there is a lot of truth to that.
Often a bit of support and encouragement can make a huge difference in someone's confidence. Maybe a few extra "attaboy's" now and then.
I know, it sounds too simple, but you never know...
Mike
Nervousness and anxiety are normal, but at some point can be debilitating and require treatment. As others have said, she has to want to address it and be willing to see a counselor/psychologist. Sounds like she has serious anxiety issues and should see someone about it. FYI, I’m a psychologist.
I had a guitar player who was terrified to play out. He'd be on the verge of fainting then somehow make it through. No clue what his trick was, so I guess I'm sort of useless here
You may have had a bad therapist, but there is lots of research showing that CBT is one of the most effective treatments for anxiety there is. I wouldn’t dismiss an entire approach based on a bad experience. That’s like hearing a bad bass player and concluding bass doesn’t add anything to a group’s sound.
When I was 16 I had bad stage fright at my first club gig, walking out of the green room I fell going up the stairs because my legs were shaking. But the next gig was better and each gig afterwards. Experience teaches you're not going to die, and (like someone else above said) most if not virtually everyone in the audience wants to have fun and enjoy the music. If the singer isn't realizing this and getting better, maybe therapy can help. But stay away from drugs and alcohol. That's a too common trap.
Be kind. Work through it with her, if she's amenable. Let her know she's one of the gang and this is, at times, normal for all of us, to varying degrees. It takes resolve, courage, and practice. That's all. And it gets easier. Keep a rapport and be close-by and supportive, when she needs you. Show some kindness. If she's going to get over it, this is the best way forward. She may not manage, but if she loves singing and enjoys the adventure, I'd back her. My guess is that, given half a chance, in a few short years, she'll be a consummate professional.
It's not unlike the nerves you get before going into bat. It's always the same. Once you're there, and settled, it all recedes to a point where you can function in the role, as long as you're serious about the job-at-hand, and you have the chops, and it gives you pleasure — most important. Nerves is part & parcel with these affairs. My problem is coming down, after the show
Sandman hasn't got a chance, in those conditions. Send him packing. Enjoy the sunrise. One last thing. Do not recommend drink or drugs. Mother's little helper is, most often, a handicap.
Hummergeist
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- Jul 21, 2020
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This is how it works for me, I just accept it as excitement, and I can get through it. If I'm concerned about it in advance, I'll try to choose material that is easier to handle at the beginning so I can ease into it.
I have been playing gigs since I was 13 years old. I was unconscious about it. I was playing in front of 1,000 people by the time I was 15. I gave up gigging when I was about 20 years old. Quit the band I was in when the rest of them dropped out of college to sign a record deal.
i only started gigging again a few years ago and now I’m nearly 40. Most frustrating thing happened, anxiety about playing in front of a big group of people.
i imagine it’s different for everyone. I have had no anxiety about playing the music or screwing up. It was always about even sillier crap than that. Like, what if I need to go to the bathroom in the middle of a long set, I’ve got hundreds of people looking up on the stage.
Anyhow, I’m mostly over it. One of my first gigs back I was incredibly unwell in the dressing room shaking like a leaf. Adrenaline kicked in halfway through the first song and I was right as rain the rest of the way.
as others say, this is a psychological issue that needs deliberate attention. It probably won’t go away on its own. Exposure therapy is great, but the therapy part is challenging the irrational thinking that makes normal things scary, and that doesn’t just happen by accident.
I would gift her a copy of Dr Harry Barry’s anxiety and panic book. It is incredibly fascinating and down to earth and approachable and simple. If that doesn’t resonate with her she needs an actual doc and probably some Ativan or something.
and she has to obviously want it, or it will never get better.
i only started gigging again a few years ago and now I’m nearly 40. Most frustrating thing happened, anxiety about playing in front of a big group of people.
i imagine it’s different for everyone. I have had no anxiety about playing the music or screwing up. It was always about even sillier crap than that. Like, what if I need to go to the bathroom in the middle of a long set, I’ve got hundreds of people looking up on the stage.
Anyhow, I’m mostly over it. One of my first gigs back I was incredibly unwell in the dressing room shaking like a leaf. Adrenaline kicked in halfway through the first song and I was right as rain the rest of the way.
as others say, this is a psychological issue that needs deliberate attention. It probably won’t go away on its own. Exposure therapy is great, but the therapy part is challenging the irrational thinking that makes normal things scary, and that doesn’t just happen by accident.
I would gift her a copy of Dr Harry Barry’s anxiety and panic book. It is incredibly fascinating and down to earth and approachable and simple. If that doesn’t resonate with her she needs an actual doc and probably some Ativan or something.
and she has to obviously want it, or it will never get better.
Caught this on one of my favorite podcasts the other day. I'm guessing this lady's book might help her a lot.
(94) The SECRET to Gaining Confidence In ANY Area of Your Life Comes From THIS! | Lisa Bilyeu - YouTube
For me, it is a mind set. We have neighbors popping into practice all the time. It is usually very productive. We tend to tighten up but we (me) also become accustomed to playing in front of people. So a show is, in essence, just another practice except we get to practice tearing down, setting up and tearing down again.
I've had anxiety all my life. My advice to her would be to pay no attention to other people's anecdotes. If she's getting paid hundreds of dollars a gig, or she has anxiety in other situations besides gigs it may be worth it to see a therapist. If she's singing for fun, or she's not experiencing anxiety outside of a band situation then her life would much easier just having fun singing karaoke.
Overactive Basal Ganglia activity often leads to performance anxiety. Biofeedback training and psychotherapy can help. In extreme cases Klonopin or related meds can help. Psychiatric treatment is the best route.
I have underactive Basal Ganglia. I rarely experience fear, and when I get up on stage nothing fazes me.
I have underactive Basal Ganglia. I rarely experience fear, and when I get up on stage nothing fazes me.
- Oct 7, 2000
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Even with a belly full of beer and benzos at age 18, I dry heaved before getting on stage. It was virtually impossible for me to perform without that added help. When I quit all drugs and alcohol 5 years later, I quit music completely. My stage fright by that time had turned into full blown agoraphobia, and I needed lots of help. Thankfully, it was 1984, and the help offered me was of a holistic nature as opposed to medication. I was told, by psychiatrists at that time, that medication would only mask the anxiety and work as a Bandaide.
It took me 2 years of therapy and practice with other tools before I could function well enough to take a course in college, and after doing that successfully I decided to take an acting class to maybe help overcome my fears. The 2nd day of class our professor gave a speech about stage fright that floored me. It was as if he were talking directly to me.
He started by mentioning the fact that Sir Lawrence Olivier at times had to be pushed onto the stage in order to get him to perform. He noted lots of other actors and musicians who suffered horribly from stage fright, letting us know that we were at least in good company. Then he went on telling us how so long as we didn't make anxiety and fear the enemy, we could actually make it work to our benefit. With practice we can take that energy, and channel it into our performances. He said a lot more, but I want to keep this post short. I became determined, and I found he was right.
I wound up acting in a few shows that year, and then carrying over what I learned to music.
The anxiety never completely went away, but it at first became manageable... and then at a certain point, enjoyable.
In short - this CAN be worked with, or overcome, but as others have said repeatedly...
She needs to WANT to get better. Its not going to "just happen."
One of the things that really motivated me that the professor talked about, that I didn't mention, was the idea of stage presence. He said that we'll often find that the people with the MOST stage presence, are also the ones most terrified to be on stage. They just learned how to channel that energy into something much more positive. I found that to be true.
Last note: Not long ago I saw a clip of Miley Cyrus that I can't find again, dammit . She was about to walk out on stage, was shaking and openly admitted to being terrified. She said, "Yeah... I know, you're Miley Cyrus and you're scared??? Crap yeah!!!"
It works for her.
It took me 2 years of therapy and practice with other tools before I could function well enough to take a course in college, and after doing that successfully I decided to take an acting class to maybe help overcome my fears. The 2nd day of class our professor gave a speech about stage fright that floored me. It was as if he were talking directly to me.
He started by mentioning the fact that Sir Lawrence Olivier at times had to be pushed onto the stage in order to get him to perform. He noted lots of other actors and musicians who suffered horribly from stage fright, letting us know that we were at least in good company. Then he went on telling us how so long as we didn't make anxiety and fear the enemy, we could actually make it work to our benefit. With practice we can take that energy, and channel it into our performances. He said a lot more, but I want to keep this post short. I became determined, and I found he was right.
I wound up acting in a few shows that year, and then carrying over what I learned to music.
The anxiety never completely went away, but it at first became manageable... and then at a certain point, enjoyable.
In short - this CAN be worked with, or overcome, but as others have said repeatedly...
She needs to WANT to get better. Its not going to "just happen."
One of the things that really motivated me that the professor talked about, that I didn't mention, was the idea of stage presence. He said that we'll often find that the people with the MOST stage presence, are also the ones most terrified to be on stage. They just learned how to channel that energy into something much more positive. I found that to be true.
Last note: Not long ago I saw a clip of Miley Cyrus that I can't find again, dammit
. She was about to walk out on stage, was shaking and openly admitted to being terrified. She said, "Yeah... I know, you're Miley Cyrus and you're scared??? Crap yeah!!!"It works for her.
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Glenn Gould had to give up performing because of debilitating stage fright.
