Start a band. Wear a dress. Join the revolution. Shave your head and paint it red. Walk to the corner store naked. Jog one mile backwards. Pat a midget on the head. Write a fictitious memoir in which you were a spook for the CIA. eat sashimi for a week that you catch on a pole yourself. Aim for enlightenment. Try and make love to your wife 5 times a day.
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the mid-life rut?
- Thread starter Icey101
- Start date
If the OP is dealing with true clinical depression, he will not see it that way. At all.
You should go to a hospital and humor the cancer patients whom are receiving chemotherapy.
In my fiftieth year, I have done the following/had the following happen:
*Posted (tasteful) nude photos of myself on facebook
*Showed up at my corporate job in a dress and heels
*Lost my father to cancer
*Bought a new (used) SUV
All the while playing in my Classic Rock Cover Band, and in a Praise/Worship Band on some Sundays, and continuing my photography career.
This has, in many ways, been the best and worst year of my life.
Life doesn't begin at fifty.
It also doesn't tend to end there.
We are lucky for each day we have.
Might as well make the most of it.
*Posted (tasteful) nude photos of myself on facebook
*Showed up at my corporate job in a dress and heels
*Lost my father to cancer
*Bought a new (used) SUV
All the while playing in my Classic Rock Cover Band, and in a Praise/Worship Band on some Sundays, and continuing my photography career.
This has, in many ways, been the best and worst year of my life.
Life doesn't begin at fifty.
It also doesn't tend to end there.
We are lucky for each day we have.
Might as well make the most of it.
I'll put in a third for exercise. Also, what about volunteer work or taking classes in something you've never done before? Rock climbing, hiking, something outdoors and vigorous?
philvanv
Gerbil Turds, Kitsap County Turd Core
- Jul 2, 2012
- 530
- 17
- Disclosures
- and at the bottom it says thank you, and now you can shag off
Sometimes, when I get a paper catalog from American Music Supply or Musicians Friend, I will read it... and dream of having nice bass guitars... while sitting on the toilet going number two.
Why is it whenever somebody gets the blues, some people go straight towards clinical depression or needing a doctor? Some of this is normal ya know, it's not all some percieved "disorder" and believe it or not, everything in life doesn't require a doctor.......geez, people.
OP, it's completely normal for you to NOT get the enjoyment out of things young people do, or things you did when you were young. That's because brain-dead humor or boring, predictable tv shows and movies don't do it for you anymore. That's not just because you're older, it's because you are wiser with those years. The same old stupid stuff shouldn't entertain you anymore. If it did, it would mean you are mentally underdeveloped and your body is now older than your mind is.
Don't worry about all this, instead, have empathy for other 40-somethings who are laughing at the same stupid stuff and being entertained by the same stupid things they were at age 20. Feel sorry for them, pray for them, offer them some fatherly guidance, or just dismiss them as being idiots and leave them alone. Whatever you do, don't feel bad for not being like them. It's not a nice place to be.
OP, it's completely normal for you to NOT get the enjoyment out of things young people do, or things you did when you were young. That's because brain-dead humor or boring, predictable tv shows and movies don't do it for you anymore. That's not just because you're older, it's because you are wiser with those years. The same old stupid stuff shouldn't entertain you anymore. If it did, it would mean you are mentally underdeveloped and your body is now older than your mind is.
Don't worry about all this, instead, have empathy for other 40-somethings who are laughing at the same stupid stuff and being entertained by the same stupid things they were at age 20. Feel sorry for them, pray for them, offer them some fatherly guidance, or just dismiss them as being idiots and leave them alone. Whatever you do, don't feel bad for not being like them. It's not a nice place to be.
I think as one ages, it's natural to becoming reflective, even to take periods of intense inner focus. But the OP seems to be asking himself "Am I depressed?" Much of the time, when people ask themselves that question, they know the answer already.
I technically don't have one.
Because i'm not psychologically functional enough to hold one.
I'm 60. I laugh when I fart. So much for maturity.
My mom is 90. She farts when she laughs. In fact, she farts delicately into her Depends frequently and without provocation. Except sometimes it's not a fart.
When I visit, she gives me a bowel production report, all the key parameters - size, diameter, consistency and of course frequency.
This is what you have to look forward to.
My mom is 90. She farts when she laughs. In fact, she farts delicately into her Depends frequently and without provocation. Except sometimes it's not a fart.
When I visit, she gives me a bowel production report, all the key parameters - size, diameter, consistency and of course frequency.
This is what you have to look forward to.
I wouldn't say just asking the question predicts the answer. Many people around this age may be just asking others how what they think about these new feelings (new to them, maybe old hat to someone who's 70). I'd default towards "it's a normal thing", before I sent them towards shrink bills and psychotropic meds that come with at least as many problems as they do answers, not to mention a new lifetime bill to pay the pharmacy, which is depressing in and of itself.
Now, if this dude is cussing at everyone, living in a mountain of garbage, and bathing once a month in a bathroom where the plumbing hasn't worked in 5 years, then yeah, might be time to seek some help.
Laughing at farts is not a sign of immaturity, it's a good sense of humor.
Anybody who's 90 gets a break, no matter what they do or say.
I'm kinda there with the OP. I turned 40 last fall and I've been stuck in a "mid life rut" for a while, as well. Like him, I have a hard time getting excited for a lot of things, and I just kinda go through life pretty unimpressed. And I feel bad about this, I feel like I should be more appreciative, have more fun, maybe do more things. I have a decent job but I've gone as far as I can with it, there is no more upward mobility. It's become boring and is not challenging anymore and I generally despise it, but the money is good. I go through the motions. I have a good marriage of 17 years and I adore my wife, but between work, kids, and our "hobbies" (my band, her yoga instruction), we don't see each other a ton. When we do, there isn't always a lot to say beyond what we did during our day or what we might have to do with the kids. I used to have snowmobiles, dirtbikes, motorcycles, and other toys, but they are all gone and I have no desire to get others. I did buy myself a cool car thinking it would help, but it was more of a hassle and I traded it in on a new truck which I could use a lot more. I do go to the gym periodically and I enjoy it, but I lack the motivation to go more. I used to go every day. Basically, I totally "get" what the OP is saying....one day just kinda blends with the next, nothing remarkable. And I feel guilty because I know it's basically my own fault and nobody else's.
Here's what I figure is true, at least in my case. In my 20's and 30's I was always building, always advancing, always growing. Bigger, better job. Bigger, better house. Bigger, better car. One kid. Two kids. More security and more money. I started at the bottom and was continually working my way up to achieve what I (mistakenly) thought were my dreams, or at least what I was "supposed" to do in life. When the kids were younger there was a lot of time spent with them, doing things for them, or just being with them. Coaching soccer, baseball, trips to dance class, chorus performances at school. Now they are older and they don't look for Dad as much, which makes me kinda sad. I used to have friends, but lost touch with most of them. Most of my friends got married, like me, but then got divorced a few years later and went out trying to have a "start over" and re-live their teenage years, which wasn't for me. Over the last 15 years I've spent so much of my life being and doing what was "expected" that I don't think I really focused much on what I wanted. A few years ago I got back into music and started working again, and it has been great, but even that is starting to grind on me a little bit and I question my dedication. In looking at my life, I certainly have a pretty good one, and I should be happy, but it really didn't turn out the way I expected. Or at least how I thought I expected it to. As a result, I'm looking at my life and realizing that, at 40, I have no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of it. If you had asked me when I was 25 what I would be like at 40, I'd tell you that I would have had it all figured out by then. But I don't, and to be honest it's pretty intimidating. And with my kids getting bigger, I have more free time but don't know what to do with it. Then there's the whole thing of looking at your age; I'm 40. I've been here four decades. But it doesn't seem like it. And it's shocking to realize that in the short time I "feel" like I've been here, I probably have lived half of my life or more. None of that is overly exciting, in fact it's actually quite disconcerting.
I'm hoping to change things up a bit and enjoy my 40's more than I have so far.
Here's what I figure is true, at least in my case. In my 20's and 30's I was always building, always advancing, always growing. Bigger, better job. Bigger, better house. Bigger, better car. One kid. Two kids. More security and more money. I started at the bottom and was continually working my way up to achieve what I (mistakenly) thought were my dreams, or at least what I was "supposed" to do in life. When the kids were younger there was a lot of time spent with them, doing things for them, or just being with them. Coaching soccer, baseball, trips to dance class, chorus performances at school. Now they are older and they don't look for Dad as much, which makes me kinda sad. I used to have friends, but lost touch with most of them. Most of my friends got married, like me, but then got divorced a few years later and went out trying to have a "start over" and re-live their teenage years, which wasn't for me. Over the last 15 years I've spent so much of my life being and doing what was "expected" that I don't think I really focused much on what I wanted. A few years ago I got back into music and started working again, and it has been great, but even that is starting to grind on me a little bit and I question my dedication. In looking at my life, I certainly have a pretty good one, and I should be happy, but it really didn't turn out the way I expected. Or at least how I thought I expected it to. As a result, I'm looking at my life and realizing that, at 40, I have no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of it. If you had asked me when I was 25 what I would be like at 40, I'd tell you that I would have had it all figured out by then. But I don't, and to be honest it's pretty intimidating. And with my kids getting bigger, I have more free time but don't know what to do with it. Then there's the whole thing of looking at your age; I'm 40. I've been here four decades. But it doesn't seem like it. And it's shocking to realize that in the short time I "feel" like I've been here, I probably have lived half of my life or more. None of that is overly exciting, in fact it's actually quite disconcerting.
I'm hoping to change things up a bit and enjoy my 40's more than I have so far.
BayState, I just turned 40 as well. I take Muay Thai and beat on kids half my age, play competitive chess and play in my temple band. I'm having fun, because I make the conscious decision to always keep trying new things I've always wanted to. Start a bucket list and start doing them NOW. Why not? You may find something you like, and get a new hobby or a new reason to enjoy life again. Just don't do nothing. Action is what changes feelings. You or anyone in the same boat cannot feel you way into change.
I went thru the same mid life rut as many of you describe. I had a "Is this all there is" attitude. Then I read an article addressing mid life crisis. It said to think back when you were a small boy and had no limits on what you could think you could do. Is there a forgotten dream back then? In my case there was so I addressed it. Got to say it pulled me out of the rut with a new excitement about life.
I live through my kids now. My "dreams" are for them to achieve. My personal happiness is generally no longer important.
This might be the side effect of having married into an Asian family almost 12 years ago...
This might be the side effect of having married into an Asian family almost 12 years ago...
