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Things that are Metal...and things that aren't

ster

ster

Oct 18, 2003
906
46
56
New Jersey
www3.verizon.net
#1
Not sure if its been done before. I was too lazy to search and don't care to. This thread is meant to be a humorous sidebar to some heavily populated and hotly debated threads about metal. Like it or not there are things that are cool in metal circles and things that aren't hence the metal stereotype. I remember in high school my metal head friends and I used to goof on the metal stereotype that we were a part of and used to come up with things that were metal and what wasn't.

Here's a couple of mine:

Things that are metal:

Fire
Explosions
Blood
Raw meat
Slutty girls
3 legged dogs
Looks of panic
Frowning
Bones

Things that aren't:

Flowers (unless they're dead, accompanied with guns or on a grave)

Smiling(unless its an evil smile)

Puppies(unless they're going to be flesh eating dogs from hell or they're dead and/or missing limbs)

Keep it fun
 
#5
Things that are metal:

Wearing leather pants past the age of 40
Wearing spandex past the age of 30
Choking on your own vomit
Choking on someone else's vomit
Nailing a hooker BEFORE the show
Living in a van with a drummer
Biting the head off of a live animal
Biting the head off of anything really
Anything that shoots flame
Drinking whiskey straight from the bottle
Falling off the drum riser. While drunk. And nailing a hooker.
Taking a dump outside the backdoor of the club (anybody can take a piss on the street, but a dump...)
Sleeping with two woman at once, and satisfying neither of them, but still bragging about it.
Mixing whiskey with cocaine and thinking; "Hey this a great idea! I bet I'm the first guy to think of this!"
Pissing in your pants on stage.
Anyone with a blood alcohol level above 3.0 that doesn't die.
 
#8
Are:
Weird symbols
UFOs
Goblins
Gargoyles
Brick Walls
being pissed off
being pissed on
having visible scars
infections
Wrecking balls
misspelled wordz
not calling her back


Not:
light beer(unless its really cheap)
Kegel excercises
Pinot Grigio
Angels
Floral paintings.
Lamaze classes.
Kids Birthday parties
Any movie with Renée Zellweger
The fact that I knew there was an accent over the "e" in Renée
Public television
School
learning
Intact trousers
Lattes
baristas at Starbucks
Jersey Shore
Bravo (the tv station)
boat shoes with no socks
boat shoes with socks
goofing on metal
 
#9
are metal:
punching women, children, the elderly, anything and anybody really
burning down churches
boiling your lead singers brains to make soup
making necklaces out of your lead singers skull and giving them to people
insanity
rusty chainsaws
secks
beer
whiskey
vodka
virility
facial hair
muscles
Justin Bieber

no metal:
a cosmopolitan, or any other fruity, mixed drink
colours that arent black
album colours that dont feature death, dismemberment, pirates, vikings, zombies, chains, or the colour black
sanity
obeying laws
deadly sinners
being a model citizen
 
#10
Are:
Germany

Nazis

Nazi Germany

Swords

Crucifixions

Decapitation

Boots

Leather

Explosions

Being too cool for anything

Drugs

More drugs

Scars and other wounds

Sucking while completely blitzed out of your skull

Also, skulls.


Aren't:

Cats

Fruit

Anything small and subtle

Bright colors, unless red and white.

The color pink.

Anything furry, except ferocious animals.

Food, unless it consists of human body parts and/or blood.

Laws, unless being broken.

Anything mainstream.

Hearts, unless being ripped out.

Love, unless it's a fetish involving death or something horrible.

Consensual sex.

Religion, unless it's a polytheistic one with totally kickass and brutal gods.

Wheelchairs.

And anything non-offensive.
 
#15
NOAH_FX said:
*Grabs popcorn and wait's for the eventual flamefest*
Click to expand...

Popcorn: NOT metal

Flamefest: IS metal

Like I said in the OP this is a sidebar meant to satirize Metal.
I like Metal but let's not pretend that stereotypes don't exist. They do and they didn't happen by accident.
If you can't poke fun at yourself your doomed.

If anybody wants to flame go here http://www.talkbass.com/forum/showthread.php?t=715494

or here http://www.talkbass.com/forum/showthread.php?t=716842
 
#17
Things that ARE Metal:
Pentagrams
flames
pointy guitars
double bass drum drumsets
boots
spikes
alcohol
Lemmy
zombies
crows
anger
metal(s)

Things that are NOT Metal:
Peace symbols
Acoustic Guitars
tambourines
sandals
Flowers
milk
James Taylor
nice girls
hummingbirds
happiness
wood(unless its on fire, then it Definitely IS metal)
 

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