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Thinking About Walking Away

kirkm24

kirkm24

Jan 1, 2007
2,331
51
Columbus, Ohio
#1
I've been a TB member for 8 years and have been playing for almost 20 years. I started out playing in Alt Rock bands in the mid to late nineties. In 1998, I played in a swing band and learned upright. We toured the eastern united states for 2 years and played more than 300 shows. Around 2000, the swing craze died and so did the band with it. I ended up finishing my degree at college and getting a "real job." Since then music has been a hobby. I've pretty much just played on worship teams at churches during the last 15 years.

I'm now 37, have grey hair and not young, hip and cool. The church I go to is a great church and love it dearly but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed. The music is now all this "techno pop" stuff that does't leave much room for live bass (everything is programmed); instrumentalists just kind of play along.

The church hired an outside producer who is helping them release their first album of original music and producing a live video production. The producer is using his own bass player for the project. They are using our guitarist, drummer and singer but he is handling everything else. I'm disappointed by this but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed.

I will never make a career in music at this phase of my life. I love doing it but it's just a hobby. Are any of you feeling this way? Do any of you have any advice? Is there an appropriate time to hang it up to make way for the younger generation?
 
#2
nah you're not too old, you're just in the wrong band at the moment. Walk away, but look for something more fun. Music is meant to be fun.

Going by the adage that the more the punters drink, the better we sound, at a church gig you're screwed from the start hehe

The younger generation? YOU are the younger generation ! I'm 53 sonny jim !
 
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#3
The only person who can motivate you to play is you. You have to play because you want to play. Gigs and musicians are out there for people who have day jobs and families.

Don't blame age for anything, because age isn't that big of a deal. Granted, you will almost certainly not be a rock star. But there are plenty of opportunities for musicians if you look hard enough. Personally? I had bands in my 20's that I thought were great, but from a business standpoint they did very little. Whereas the band that I joined when I was 37 wound up being the most successful, making a couple of good records and playing a lot of great shows during my 3 year stint. I only quit that gig because I didn't have the time and also because my family needed me.

Do it because you want to.
 
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#4
I'll be 63 in two weeks. I have been where you are many times. If fact several times I was so sure I was done with music I sold all my gear only to buy all new and start again.
What I found was I thought I was done with music when what I was really tired of was the music business, the drama with most of the players I knew etc.
I also play on praise team but we do contemporary Christian music and play in a trio that plays variety.
I have never been happier.
You are free to explore or start any project you want.
heck I've even done some pit work most notably RENT.
Hang in there dude don't lose heart.
The one thing I know is music is never done with us, no matter what we think
Duke
 
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#5
That's the thing. I have two young children and a wife. I don't want to be out doing gigs all the time along with my day jobs. I need to be there for them. The church gig allowed me to get my fix and still be a responsible husband/father. I feel like the church is looking for younger/hipper folks and my time has come to an end. I don't think I could do the bar scene again at this phase of my life.
 
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#9
kirkm24 said:
I've been a TB member for 8 years and have been playing for almost 20 years. I started out playing in Alt Rock bands in the mid to late nineties. In 1998, I played in a swing band and learned upright. We toured the eastern united states for 2 years and played more than 300 shows. Around 2000, the swing craze died and so did the band with it. I ended up finishing my degree at college and getting a "real job." Since then music has been a hobby. I've pretty much just played on worship teams at churches during the last 15 years.

I'm now 37, have grey hair and not young, hip and cool. The church I go to is a great church and love it dearly but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed. The music is now all this "techno pop" stuff that does't leave much room for live bass (everything is programmed); instrumentalists just kind of play along.

The church hired an outside producer who is helping them release their first album of original music and producing a live video production. The producer is using his own bass player for the project. They are using our guitarist, drummer and singer but he is handling everything else. I'm disappointed by this but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed.

I will never make a career in music at this phase of my life. I love doing it but it's just a hobby. Are any of you feeling this way? Do any of you have any advice? Is there an appropriate time to hang it up to make way for the younger generation?
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37 and walking away????? I am 56 and playing in a Classic Rock band as a weekend warrior + some week days here and there :) I love it! I get to play songs were the bass parts shined back then. I would consider changing up I did the Church gig for a while Baptist and let me tell you the bass lines were kick a@@ but you only got to play a little fill like the tonight show to get the crowd going so I became disillusioned with that as it sounds you are but I never thought of not EVER playing bass again. I know people who walked away sold all their gear. a close friend (even after I told him was not a good idea) couple years later got the itch like you will because it is part of you like it or not and kicked himself for selling all of his stuff and had to buy it all again. Not to mention this guy had some vintage stuff including a 1970 Fireglo 4001 that he will never see again. You will be miserable and you family will become miserable seeing that way. Try as mention doing sit in gigs as a hire gun don't have to play every weekend give you a chance to learn some bass lines you may not have played before and you will be able to spend time with the wife and kids. Have a sit down with the wife and discuss it you maybe surprised that she enjoys the time you are out playing maybe that is her wife/mom down time :)
 
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#10
kirkm24 said:
The church hired an outside producer who is helping them release their first album of original music and producing a live video production. The producer is using his own bass player for the project. They are using our guitarist, drummer and singer but he is handling everything else. I'm disappointed by this but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed.
Click to expand...
If you love to play your time hasn't passed. What they did to you is low class, trashy and unacceptable. I'd tell them where to stick their church band. There is nothing Christian about allowing yourself to be used for a doormat. There are plenty of opportunities for a good bass player.
 
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#11
I walked away from a successful band almost 5 years ago due to a serious illness to some I love. It was hard at the time, but it was something I had to do. Life takes priority, in my book, over music. I lost some friends because of the abruptness of my decision and I miss them. If you fell you need to step away for awhile, do so. Keep a bass or two and a amp and play when you have the time. I am itching to get back in the music scene now and glad I hung on to some of my equipment and kept my chops up. I am 54 and have been playing for over 40 years and even though my health (youth) is starting to fail me now, music is a part of my life that I couldn t abandon. If you feel like you are burnt out or your " time has passed" step back for awhile. Even though you may think techno pop is taking over, live music will always be around. Follow your heart, dude, and you will be looking for a new project as soon as this funk passes. I bet alot of the other TBers have had the same feelings as you sometime in their career and have resumed playing after a break from the scene. I ll quit playing bass the day after I die. Good luck and I hope the decision you make is the one that makes you happy. Or take up golf.
 
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#12
kirkm24 said:
That's the thing. I have two young children and a wife. I don't want to be out doing gigs all the time along with my day jobs. I need to be there for them. The church gig allowed me to get my fix and still be a responsible husband/father. I feel like the church is looking for younger/hipper folks and my time has come to an end. I don't think I could do the bar scene again at this phase of my life.
Click to expand...


I'm in a very similar position. And you know what? There are ways to balance things out. My wife knows that being a musician is a part of my identity. And I think that's part of what she likes about me.

The first year after our kid was born I was working early mornings and my wife was working nights. Now THAT was rough. I was home with the kid at night while she was at work and the schedule just would not allow for me to be playing at night. But time moves on and my wife's job changed and now she's home at night. When the schedule allows I can get out to some jam sessions, and something may develop from there. She stays home with the kid on those nights. And on other nights I stay home so that she can get out with her girlfriends and take a break. I'm all about being the best dad that I can be, but my wife and I both recognize that we need a little bit of time for ourselves outside the house.

So you have to ask yourself first if you think it's fair to ask your wife to compromise like that. Does she recognize what music means to you? Is she supportive? If so, she might be okay with the idea of getting you out of the house one night a week if you've got rehearsal. And if you gig once a month or so? She might be up for getting a babysitter and going out to see you play. The key is to communicate with your wife about this.
 
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#13
My wife is supportive and always has been. I basically work two jobs. I have a full time day job where I work 8-12 hour days and then 2-3 nights a week I teach college classes. That takes me out of the house for essentially 2-3 whole days. I feel guilty doing anything beyond that to take me away from home.
 
#15
Walk away at 37? Heck, I didn't even start playing until my early 40s!

Sounds like what you need is a just-for-fun band that gets together a couple/few times a month. You can play with whomever you want, whenever it's convenient, and you can play whatever music you want however you want to play it. Loads of fun, no stress.
 
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#16
kirkm24 said:
I will never make a career in music at this phase of my life. I love doing it but it's just a hobby. Are any of you feeling this way? Do any of you have any advice? Is there an appropriate time to hang it up to make way for the younger generation?
Click to expand...

Like you, playing is a hobby to me. I have a day job that pays my bills, a wife, and a couple of teenage kids. I never was a professional musician. I'm 47 and really just started to get back into playing with bands in the last couple of years. The only appropriate time to hang it up is when you no longer enjoy playing (as far as I'm concerned anyway). There is no shame in being a weekend warrior. What I've found is that if I align myself with like-minded people in bands, then it IS fun and remains worth doing. I guess to condense all this into a single bit of advice: find a group of people you get on with well and play until it no longer makes you happy.
 
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#18
kirkm24 said:
I have a full time day job where I work 8-12 hour days and then 2-3 nights a week I teach college classes. That takes me out of the house for essentially 2-3 whole days. I feel guilty doing anything beyond that to take me away from home.
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I completely get and respect that. Still, if playing is a part of you that you don't want to give up, then don't. Just play when you can, work and be the best father and husband you can be when you should.
 

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