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Thinking About Walking Away

#21
I agree. Drop the church band (respectfully), and venture out. You arent getting any younger.:p There is still plenty of good bass music out there to be played.
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#22
kirkm24 said:
That's the thing. I have two young children and a wife. I don't want to be out doing gigs all the time along with my day jobs. I need to be there for them. The church gig allowed me to get my fix and still be a responsible husband/father. I feel like the church is looking for younger/hipper folks and my time has come to an end. I don't think I could do the bar scene again at this phase of my life.
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I've often felt just the way you have. But really the main reason to give up music would be in your case, a faith based one. Are you being led onto something else? Other than that music is a gift, that I'm sure you have joy in, even if the mode of its operation changes over time.
I stepped away from a church and worship leading position due to politics, and ironically stumbled into helping a worship leader with some free form worship for local 24hr worship sessions, I'm having more fun than I though I ever could have in a church setting! So things change...patience and perspective is key.
 
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#23
3rdWatch said:
I've often felt just the way you have. But really the main reason to give up music would be in your case, a faith based one. Are you being led onto something else? Other than that music is a gift, that I'm sure you have joy in, even if the mode of its operation changes over time.
I stepped away from a church and worship leading position due to politics, and ironically stumbled into helping a worship leader with some free form worship for local 24hr worship sessions, I'm having more fun than I though I ever could have in a church setting! So things change...patience and perspective is key.
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I am thinking and praying about that because I am wondering if these thoughts and feelings are an indicator that it's time to move on to something else. I just don't know what that something else is. I also want to make it clear that I am in no way throwing my church under the bus. I love the church and the leadership and will never bad mouth them in any way, shape or form. They have to do what they feel is best and I will step aside if it's for the betterment of the worship team. I am disappointed but I'll get over it.
 
#24
theduke1 said:
Put yourself out there as a hired gun, fill in and play when you want.
I've done that as well
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This. I'm almost 44 with two young children. I used to play for a living. These days it's a day job and in the rotation at church.

But I also some fill-in gigs. My phone rings constantly (and am in an area some would call rural). Man are they fun! I get to play some familiar material and some stuff I would have otherwise never learned. I sometimes get to play with Nashville up-and-comers who play out this way. Last year I did a gig with some guys out of Maryland who play up and down the East Coast as a duo but just felt like throwing a band together for one show when they hit NC. We had a BLAST!

Sure. Step back. Many praise and worship outfits lose sight of the point, and it seems as though yours may have as well. Rather than lock horns, fade out. Maybe help out as a consultant for the kids.

Another option is just get together and jam with some guys in your area once a week. Like poker night but with guitars. You don't even have to play out. Just have fun.

Either way, do what makes you happy. Best of luck with it.
 
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#25
This is the problem with the megachurch produced music mentality - no room for expression or making music. I've played in megachurches and now we attend a small one because (among other reasons) it gives us a musical outlet. Playing exactly what is on the sheet to a click track with fog machines isn't my idea of church or worship music. YMMV and all that. I'm not saying to jump ship on church.

I talked with a few other guys and we are working on getting some material together for a dad band. Play music we like, no one is trying to 'make it' in the industry, and we aren't going to play midnight shows on a Tuesday because we have kids and a job to get to in the morning. Just in the formation stage at this point, but it seems like its an ideal outlet for us - maybe you can find some guys with a similar perspective?

I find that anyone and everyone who has ever played music out or even jammed in HS/College wants to be in a band - they just don't know how to make it happen. Provide a zero-stress situation and just have fun.
 
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#29
kirkm24 said:
...I don't think I could do the bar scene again at this phase of my life...
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And you don't need to if you want to play. There is no need to play out at all, just find some like minded people who want to play on occasion.

My dad is in his 80's and plays on average 3 nights a week all within 50 miles of his home. It's mostly hillbilly/country and/or gospel, but it's music and it keeps him from sitting at home missing my mom, plus he loves to sing and play the old religious songs and fiddle tunes so it's right up his alley. If you don't have one, get you another upright and find you some bluegrass jams. Not really challenging, but it keeps you in the game. And there is always the open jam to consider. We have one every wednesday night at one place and the first Friday of every month at another. They are held in bars, but you don't even need to bring an instrument if you don't want as they both have a decent rig to use if you just want to show up and play. You could go once a month to keep your hand in and still be the dad and hubby you need to be.
 
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#30
You just need to find a new groove. If the P&W team in your church is phasing you out, maybe it might be time to offer your talents to another church. I don't know your community, but where I am churches seem to be all over the place. Obviously you might not want to go with a denomination you have theological issues with, but there should be plenty of churches looking for someone to hold down a bass line...

Pick up another bass / music project. Not sure what your "real job" is, but I find plenty of musical colleagues, and former classmates to work projects with. Maybe do some sub work...

At 37 you most likely aren't going to break into the big time pop scene. But you are far from too old to play, have fun, and maybe make a bit of extra $$ with music. You just need to be flexible and realize you probably won't do well in a bubble gum teeny bopper oriented band.
 
#31
kirkm24 said:
I've been a TB member for 8 years and have been playing for almost 20 years. I started out playing in Alt Rock bands in the mid to late nineties. In 1998, I played in a swing band and learned upright. We toured the eastern united states for 2 years and played more than 300 shows. Around 2000, the swing craze died and so did the band with it. I ended up finishing my degree at college and getting a "real job." Since then music has been a hobby. I've pretty much just played on worship teams at churches during the last 15 years.

I'm now 37, have grey hair and not young, hip and cool. The church I go to is a great church and love it dearly but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed. The music is now all this "techno pop" stuff that does't leave much room for live bass (everything is programmed); instrumentalists just kind of play along.

The church hired an outside producer who is helping them release their first album of original music and producing a live video production. The producer is using his own bass player for the project. They are using our guitarist, drummer and singer but he is handling everything else. I'm disappointed by this but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed.

I will never make a career in music at this phase of my life. I love doing it but it's just a hobby. Are any of you feeling this way? Do any of you have any advice? Is there an appropriate time to hang it up to make way for the younger generation?
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I am 60 and still rocking ...

But for me it has always been a hobby and career and family come before music.
 
#32
I think that you have to take a break for a while. Maybe a couple of months. Think of it as a vacation. You will have time to refresh your batteries.
When I got married 18 years ago, my wife knew that music was a very important part of my life. She has always supported my passion all these years, and now she is very happy that my son loves music as well. At 16 years old, he has more gear than I do. And he borrows all of my stuff as well.
Don't walk away. You will be walking away from an important part of your life.
 
#33
if you love playing, find a hobby band or a band that plays out just once in a while. i can see why playing in that particular worship situation could be depressing, and probably has you down. but i hope you stick with it; there's nothing like making music - the right music with the right people - to make life wonderful.
 
#34
I'm with you. 44 years old, played my whole life, 6 years ago was gigging 4-6 times a month. It wound down and I've not found the time or desire to start it up again. I like the feeling of playing music in a club when I'm doing it, but I can't do all the drag that goes with it anymore.

But, I'm an educated musician, I've been fortunate enough to have played a lot and in a few high profile contexts. Just stopping completely doesn't seem right.

I have no moral aversion to playing in a worship context; it's just that I find most of the music to be completely boring. It all sounds the same, A-B-A-B-C-B-B formats, distorted electric guitar and the bass pounding eighth note roots. Very uncreative lyrics and it all sounds very square. That wouldn't stimulate, so I don't think about doing it. If I could find a church program with a traditional old-school gospel music program, I might jump all over that.

Theater has been an outlet for me in the past. That can be a nice way to play at sensible times during the day with competent people in a fun context. In a given town though, those gigs usually go to the first-call guys, which I am not in Denver.

This is a difficult thing for many of us.
 
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#35
Playing comes from the heart. Follow that. If your heart isn't in your current gig, take a break and find another. No excuses necessary. No stress necessary. Its about how your life resonates with you today. Clearly you are talented enough to find some like minded people who like to play, but also have family commitments. Not that I recommend it, I took a break that lasted 25 years while my kids grew up. I kept some gear and played every now and then, and picked it up again when the kids started to leave the nest. I have no regrets. I play in an old guys' originals band, and its like I never took a break. At the end of the day bro, to thine own self be true. Listen to your heart and follow it. You can make it way more complicated, but it doesn't have to be. Peace.
 
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#36
I feel like you all the time. I think "what's the point if it's just a hobby??" But then I'm reminded how much I just love bass. I don't know why... I wish I could put a finger on it but I can't. I don't think you will ever be able to shake the bass bug. But, do what you believe is right.
 
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#37
Step away from your current playing situation if it doesn't make you happy, which seems to be the case. Then go out (or stay in) and experiment with new playing situations until you find something that fits your current desires and lifestyle. The fact that your current playing situation has changed in ways that don't jibe with your preferences is not a reflection on your age or your ability to be relevant in the music scene, it just means you and the decisionmakers grown differently in your musical vision.

I had a similar situation where I played in a band with some great guys who played great music, but unfortunately they starting pushing to change our sound to match some trendy elements of radio rock music that I felt would strip our band of what made us unique (although I was actually one of the youngest in the group). Ultimately we parted ways (amicably) because we simply wanted to go in different directions musically, and I'm now in a band that shares my musical preferences and goals much more closely.
 
#40
kirkm24 said:
That's the thing. I have two young children and a wife. I don't want to be out doing gigs all the time along with my day jobs. I need to be there for them. The church gig allowed me to get my fix and still be a responsible husband/father. I feel like the church is looking for younger/hipper folks and my time has come to an end. I don't think I could do the bar scene again at this phase of my life.
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Okay I HAVE to respond to this...

I feel like the church is looking for younger/hipper folks and my time has come to an end.
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You might not be willing to say it, but I will. Shame on that church, and shame on the worship leader if they indeed are trying to edge out younger, but not college age adults from the worship team! There is something wrong with that! Age should NOT be a factor in who they have playing in the worship team!

I don't think I could do the bar scene again at this phase of my life.
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You don't have to, and I for one, wouldn't. You probably won't land as many gigs, and it sounds like you don't really want to do the 2 to 3 nights per week thing, but there is work to be had doing the party / convention / coffee house type scene, and like I mentioned in my prior post, maybe it's time to find a different worship team.

I haven't gigged a ton yet. Less than 10 under my belt so far, just private party gigs with an infrequent gigging hobby band. No real money to speak of, but great guys to hang with, fun music to play, and a world of fun to be had.

And lastly...

Is there an appropriate time to hang it up to make way for the younger generation?
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Sure, whey they start shoveling dirt on top of the box is probably a good time to think about doing something different and letting the younger more lively folks handle the electric instruments... I have a feeling you are going to be too preoccupied anyway.
 
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