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Thinking About Walking Away

#61
kirkm24 said:
I've been a TB member for 8 years and have been playing for almost 20 years. I started out playing in Alt Rock bands in the mid to late nineties. In 1998, I played in a swing band and learned upright. We toured the eastern united states for 2 years and played more than 300 shows. Around 2000, the swing craze died and so did the band with it. I ended up finishing my degree at college and getting a "real job." Since then music has been a hobby. I've pretty much just played on worship teams at churches during the last 15 years.

I'm now 37, have grey hair and not young, hip and cool. The church I go to is a great church and love it dearly but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed. The music is now all this "techno pop" stuff that does't leave much room for live bass (everything is programmed); instrumentalists just kind of play along.

The church hired an outside producer who is helping them release their first album of original music and producing a live video production. The producer is using his own bass player for the project. They are using our guitarist, drummer and singer but he is handling everything else. I'm disappointed by this but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed.

I will never make a career in music at this phase of my life. I love doing it but it's just a hobby. Are any of you feeling this way? Do any of you have any advice? Is there an appropriate time to hang it up to make way for the younger generation?
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I have friends in signed bands that tour often. They don't make much money these days. Most of the money we make mainly goes to studio time So for me it's not about money and at the same time I wouldn't really consider it a hobby. More like necessary therapy for me. We've been a band for a long time, since about 2001 and the guitarist and I have been playing together since 98. Back then we all worked minimum wage (or close to it) jobs and the band making money was a bigger deal to us. Our ages now range from 30-34 and 4 out of 5 band members make over $20hr, we make more money at our jobs than most bands do touring hard. So we wont dont rely on the band to subsidize our incomes anymore. And it's a lot more fun when it's not about money at all.

Maybe you need to just find another outlet, join like a 90s alt rock style band thats more your thing. Personally I'm not into electronic music either. when it gets to the point where I feel like the human element is lost I lose interest. I don't even like tuned vocals on recordings. To me it's either laziness, lack of money to retake a part, or lack of talent to actually pull it off. Our newest album we actually didn't quantized the drums, the vocals were tuned very minimally basically just 2 or 3 words on the entire album that we were too lazy and cheap lol to go back again and fix. When it comes to synths and sound design type stuff Id rather hear someone play a bass or guitar with effects than use a keyboard. Keyboards and virtual instruments have come a long way but they still lack that human element that I personally need to be able to really enjoy the music. i have some great midi/keyboard gear and virtual instruments but I rarely touch them anymore outside of using sampled piano because I can't afford and don't want to lug around a piano( see once again lazy and cheap) but even with advances in technology Id rather make synth or pad type sounds with my bass guitar and a synth or shimmer reverb or a delay or something than a keyboard. And it appears im not the only one that feels that way because there are some composers who hire bass players and guitar players to come in to specifically track ambient of synth parts unfortunately to get those gigs you'll have to win them over Justin Mendal-Johnson and that's not an easy task because he's like a made scientist with that sort of thing
 
#62
You shouldn't take the "replaced by a younger bassist at church" thing to heart. It happens a lot. As a rule, contemporary, youth-oriented churches - especially Evangelelicals - are obsessed with being attractive and appealing to the 20-30 age group, as that demographic is seen as a largely unchurched and falling away from faith.This is a known thing and it is taught at Christian colleges and is discussed on all Worship websites. So, the churches do the modern productions with the slick graphics, millennial-friendly vibe, and current, EDM flavored music to be attractive to that demographic. Of course, this music has to be presented by young people of the same age group, so anyone older is sort of sidelined. This is done by Worship Leaders, and is indirectly supported by Senior staff because they want "young appeal" as well. It's very sad. This isn't an indictment - it's more of a statement of realistic fact that I see repeated in most major cities. Some churches are much worse about this than others, but it's out there.

Aside from that, age is sort of a determinant of what you can realistically do in terms of who you perform with, but it doesn't mean you have to close shop. Lee Sklar is almost 7o. Will Lee, Billy Sheehan, and Doug Wimbish are all roughly 60, and those guys do a LOT more than just keep up with younger guys.
 
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#63
kirkm24 said:
That's the thing. I have two young children and a wife. I don't want to be out doing gigs all the time along with my day jobs. I need to be there for them. The church gig allowed me to get my fix and still be a responsible husband/father. I feel like the church is looking for younger/hipper folks and my time has come to an end. I don't think I could do the bar scene again at this phase of my life.
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I played at a church for two years and with two young boys - perfect for your situation. Techno pop worship? must be a very young church. You may want to talk to the pastor, providing your thoughts and outlook. Well, I started my own group, Groove-Control. funk, disco, smooth jazz. I lined up some outdoor gigs, corporate and soon, afternoon resort. There is more to playing music than late night bars. I would say, stick with it and make the best of it to satisfy the musician in you or start your own group. Peace!
 
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#66
I'm 52 and starting over again, it gets better as you get older, its fun again. Also, there is a business here that supplies musicians to churches on Sundays, I have a friend who did it for awhile and liked it. Basically a sub for the day. You might see if there is something like that or start something similar.
 
#69
How is that for a support group...4 pages of replies in one day. All of us have gone through this. Like OldCity Im starting all over at 50+ and never going to stop again. Music is just too important an influence on my quality of life and you dont need to comprimise your family. Its my kids that pushed me back in and I thank them for it. You`ll get past the bumps in the road and you dont NEED lots of gigs to share the benefits.

Look at that...another post while Im typing. I think you have your answer.
 
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#70
Sometimes its best to just tale a break for a while. There have been points in my life where I've considered hanging it up and have quit bands. I find that after a couple of months of not gigging I get the urge to play again. A lot of it has to do with finding the right people to play with. In my current bands, I have been friends with everyone from anywhere between 15 to 40 years and we all get along very well with no drama. We also play larger venues such as casinos, festivals, etc. so we are not the typical 3 to 4 set per night club band that gets home at 3 AM. Most of gigs are over by 11 PM and they pay much better than clubs. Another plus is that they feed us.
 
#71
Dude, I'm recently 39 and still plugging away in a punk rock band like I'm 18 and I don't give a rat's arse what anyone thinks about that and I'm having fun and making music with friends I adore. Wouldn't trade it for anything. Find what you love, musically, and do it. You are your own motivator.

*edit - also just a hobby; best hobby ever
 
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#72
Shoot, 37 is *not* old AT ALL!! Especially nowadays.....ive been playing gigs since I was 16, but I never made a dime until I was about 24-25, you haven't missed any boat, find another band...

A few years back Duran Duran did an album with a famous hip hop producer, duran's bassist is a badass but they left him no room in the songs, I don't know how he was resilient enough to deal with that, that's like a slap in the face to me...he probably just dealt with it due to contractual reasons, but still...

Anyways just keep on playing, you are not old, get in another group, don't give up
 
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#73
I am in two bands. One used to play out a lot, and was actually on a good roll locally, when we took The Break, and now we never do anything. We still practice whenever we can, sometimes a month between practices. That's just the way it is now, because everybody has kids but me. We've been playing some of the same originals for years and have never recorded them.
The other band never plays out at all, but we get together regularly and religiously and record tons and tons of insane material. Most of it would never appeal to most other people. We do it just because we like to, because we get a kick out of what we do, and that is what keeps me playing and doing musical things. I don't reckon I will ever stop.
 
#75
kirkm24 said:
That's the thing. I have two young children and a wife. I don't want to be out doing gigs all the time along with my day jobs. I need to be there for them. The church gig allowed me to get my fix and still be a responsible husband/father. I feel like the church is looking for younger/hipper folks and my time has come to an end. I don't think I could do the bar scene again at this phase of my life.
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Find another church or find a weekly open mic night at a club, or find a like minded group of musicians who get together once a week to jam. For this last one CraigsList is your friend.
 
#77
Church gigs sound really lame and pointless anyway. Like some others users pointed out, the only one who can motivate you to play is you, and maybe church isn't the right place to expect your musical side to flourish.

Also, to think that all music is electronic these days it is a completely ignorant statement, considering that there's more music of every imaginable (and unimaginable) genre than there ever has been before.

And most importantly, you're definitely not too old to play music. You never are. I have lots of friends that are your age, are and they're still doing the alt 90s thing playing house shows with all of us twenty somethings who are playing all different kinds of stuff. Old champagne is still good wine, my friend.
 
#78
kirkm24 said:
That's the thing. I have two young children and a wife. I don't want to be out doing gigs all the time along with my day jobs. I need to be there for them. The church gig allowed me to get my fix and still be a responsible husband/father. I feel like the church is looking for younger/hipper folks and my time has come to an end. I don't think I could do the bar scene again at this phase of my life.
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Major props for wanting to be there for your family. We need more men like you nowadays.... :cool:
 
#79
kirkm24 said:
That's the thing. I have two young children and a wife. I don't want to be out doing gigs all the time along with my day jobs. I need to be there for them. The church gig allowed me to get my fix and still be a responsible husband/father. I feel like the church is looking for younger/hipper folks and my time has come to an end. I don't think I could do the bar scene again at this phase of my life.
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I am in a similar position, but with one child. I'm staring down the barrel of 41. Imo you have to find the right group of people who share the same goals musically. Not that that's easy, but I would recommend trying and not hanging it up.

Me and some guys tough it out and play early mornings before work. We start about 6am. This allows us to all be good dads and be home in the evenings.
 
#80
No need to give up entirely. You're not happy in the current gig, so it's not the right gig for you anymore. That's ok. You have a young family and all the time commitments that comes with it. That's ok too.

I put it down when our kids were little. Did the odd jam or fill in gig but they were very rare. My wife worked nights, I was taking classes at night.

When things settled down a bit I started playing again. Worked out great.
 

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