Thinking About Walking Away

[JohnMc]

Dude, I'm recently 39 and still plugging away in a punk rock band like I'm 18 and I don't give a rat's arse what anyone thinks about that and I'm having fun and making music with friends I adore.

This is my attitude as well. I'm 41, play in a cover band, but we do well and play for some really fun crowds. When I'm playing, I dress the part and just let loose. The crowd loves it, I love it, my band mates love it. I'll do this until it hurts too bad to continue....and then I'll do it some more.

I completely get the thing about being home with your kids, however. I have a six year old, and I miss most weekend nights with him. I have to work very hard at making plenty of weekday time for activities with him, not to mention we take a family vacation, and also a father son vacation each year. He and I are going camping in the rockies for two weeks later this month. It's hard to maintain that level of activity, but it's harder to think what I would miss out on if I didn't! Right now he thinks daddy is a rock star, lol. I want to make sure he always remembers daddy as a lot more than just that.

As far as your church moving in directions you're not don't feel compatible with, that's a bummer. Switching bands isn't that hard. Switching churches is not usually done. I'd talk with the pastor for sure.

 

[Helaskold]

I've walked away from bass several times, in fact right now I'm drumming in a band because I got so frustrated with bass playing in a previous band... but I always find myself coming back to it with an even greater zeal. Perhaps a brief haitus would benefit you as well. Finding the right band also really makes a difference. Consider leaving the church group and finding something that fulfills you musically; you don't have to drop the instrument completely, just make a change. Don't let yourself get burnt out to the point that you never want to pick up a bass again.

 

[slofut]

Dude! Quit whining. If I had to play church music I'd want to quit too. But you don't HAVE to play church music! There are multitudes of killer new and old music out there now and it's so accessible. The internet is your friend and the greatest thing to happen to music and musicians ever. Try on some Bonnamassa, have you heard Johnny A.? Remember Serpentine Fire? Hell, I'm 57 and I've played in a band since high school. Ebbs and flows all along, but now the supply of great music is so endless, I have fun just finding new music and players. Hey how about Jeff Beck and Tal Wilkinsfeld! Damn that's just as good as it gets, it'll make you tear up, and not one word of praise! It won't kill you to miss church sometimes I promise, and it may give you some time to think with your own mind. Get yourself a basement or a spot and get some guys together and play for the FUN and LOVE of music, not politics, not religion!
But you asked for an opinion and this is mine, and it's meant with the utmost respect and appreciation for you and music.

 

[Biggbass]

I had to walk away from racing off road motorcycles in my mid 40's and it was one of the hardest 'hang up your spurs" decisions I've ever made...I'd been at it since the age of 17. But music? that's not an age reliant thing in my book.

If the church gig isn't working for you then sure, walk away from that, but if you've got music this deep in
your blood there's no getting away from it...just shift gears and find a way to rekindle the passion.

I left a church gig after 10 years into it due to the church and music going in directions I didn't want to
go in. It's easy to say no. Just let them know you're moving in another musical direction and don't have time for it anymore. Chances are they won't care anyway.

As for you and music...It's like the Mafia, you're in it for life.

 

[Slough Feg Bass]

too old ? what ? is it too loud, too ?
c'mon buckeroo, get out of the church and into a group where you can play what you want!

even just play with a local blues act or something, so you can get out and do your thing.

bassists are highly sought after in most markets, put yourself out there, someone needs you!

 

[BostonTerror]

I walked away after the birth of my first child. I proceeded to sell all my gear and devote myself to my family and my career. I then slogged through a nasty divorce and found that I really regretted walking away and selling my gear. I've started trying to quiet my GAS pains with gear and do some jam and open mic sessions while I comb though some classifieds trying to find the right project.

Walk away from your current gig. Not your love for playing the instrument - you'll regret it. I'm over 25% older than you and I could give a damn about what's hip, young, happening, and now. I like the music I like, I like some new stuff, I like some old stuff.

I like music. I love playing it. Even if drunkenly badly at times. And that's why I got back into playing after walking away for 5+ years.

 

[jerry]

I'm 60 and still gig all the time. Am I older than every waitresses mother, sure, but its way better than doing nothing.

 

[DOOGLER]

I've been a TB member for 8 years and have been playing for almost 20 years. I started out playing in Alt Rock bands in the mid to late nineties. In 1998, I played in a swing band and learned upright. We toured the eastern united states for 2 years and played more than 300 shows. Around 2000, the swing craze died and so did the band with it. I ended up finishing my degree at college and getting a "real job." Since then music has been a hobby. I've pretty much just played on worship teams at churches during the last 15 years.

I'm now 37, have grey hair and not young, hip and cool. The church I go to is a great church and love it dearly but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed. The music is now all this "techno pop" stuff that does't leave much room for live bass (everything is programmed); instrumentalists just kind of play along.

The church hired an outside producer who is helping them release their first album of original music and producing a live video production. The producer is using his own bass player for the project. They are using our guitarist, drummer and singer but he is handling everything else. I'm disappointed by this but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed.

I will never make a career in music at this phase of my life. I love doing it but it's just a hobby. Are any of you feeling this way? Do any of you have any advice? Is there an appropriate time to hang it up to make way for the younger generation?

I used to think the only reason to play bass was if it was going to become a career.. and after seeing that thats very unlikely, especially with anxiety problems i learned to just try and enjoy it.

 

[joselorellano]

I'm 45... been playing since I was 15. Music is in my blood... I'm planning to continue playing until the day I die, then I'll play my bass at my funeral...

 

[Gaolee]

Walking away isn't a bad thing if it is the right thing to do at the time. There was a stretch of about 20 years that got soaked up by career, kid, and other stuff. Then some friends decided that our children shouldn't have all the fun and needed a bass player. Now a lot of the other stuff has been superseded by music. It may or may not have been as much fun this time around if there hadn't been a long stretch of doing other things. That's my history and my take on it.

 

[hrodbert696]

Do what's right for you for the stage in life you're at. Don't close any doors for the future though. No, you're probably not going to be a career musician. Most of us aren't. Nothing wrong with having a vigorous hobby. If the kids are young and you're working two jobs, play at home for fun or get some buds together for an occasional blues jam or something. Eventually the kids become teenagers and are off with their friends and you're looking for something to do on the weekends - go ahead and start gigging again then.

 

[MrLenny1]

Never too old to RnRoll.
The business part is frustrating.
I'm 62,play in 2 projects that can't get off the ground and yet
have more fun at jam sessions.
Sounds like it's time for a change.

 

[BigBobbyBass]

37 too old? No way. Just the wrong band. I'll end up playing over a hundred shows this year and I'm 40, in an all originals punk band. It's not over until YOU want it to be over.

 

[Scottkarch]

I stopped playing for years. Looking back I regret the missed time, but between career and family it just didn't work out for me. 2 special needs kids take a lot of extra Dad time and it's only been the past 2 years I've been able to and wanted to play again.

I happened to fall into a neighborhood band with good musicians and they have turned into good friends. Classic rock and some funk and contemporary rockin country. If something happened to this band the first thing I'd probably look into is some Church band, but I haven't thought about it much. As for the music out there now, I have surprised myself and my wife and friends by liking a lot of the current country stuff. It sounds like rock with some twang.. but it's bands, musicians playing instruments on stages. None of this pop singers alone with either hidden bands or singing to tracks. I wouldn't be surprised if there is good rock out there now too, but I haven't heard it and adding this rock style country is fun for us and gets us more gigs.

But it all has to work together. It's not uncommon to drop from the music scene because of kids for a while. You're YOUNG. Don't fret too much about it. Just dont sell off all the gear. For years my wife asked why I had my basses since I never played them. Now my band is my hobby and I love it. Now's a good time for me. The last 15 years. Probably picked up my bass 5 times.

Best wishes on the decision.

 

[Rayjay]

Brother I am in a very similar boat. I played pro for years, toured extensively, abruptly quit in 2006 to change careers. Now, I'm bald, grey, fat, married with 3 kids, work 10-12 hours a day and am on call weekends, and am not getting treated like an equal in my church band. I don't know what to tell you, but I'm there with you.

I invite you to join our discussion here too:
The Praise and Worship Band Bassists Club | Page 438 | TalkBass.com

 

[spectorfreak]

I will never make a career in music at this phase of my life. I love doing it but it's just a hobby. Are any of you feeling this way? Do any of you have any advice? Is there an appropriate time to hang it up to make way for the younger generation?

I'm pushing 44, been playing full time professionally since I was 16. Been all over the world, done the major label thing. I started playing rock, and somewhat reluctantly even hair metal in the late 80's. In the early 90's I found my home in a thriving traditional Celtic/Modern Celtic influenced rock and pop scene, haven't been out of work a day that I didn't want to be in all those years. What's on mainstream radio now is such a tiny cross section of the business, there is a thriving industry out there, just need to go out and find it. If you love to do it then go out and find your niche. There's something out there for everyone. Granted I'm extremely lucky to have made a living off of making music, not everyone can do it full time, but you don't have to quit, there's nothing wrong with being a hobbyist player.

Sounds like maybe you're hurt that this "producer" decided he wants to use his own bass player and the hurt feelings are prompting you to consider quitting, but don't man. In my world "producers" don't run the show, I've done tons of major label albums with various artists, producers work for the artist, not the other way around, if we ever had a producer come into a job and start dictating what musicians got used they'd be out on their ear in a heartbeat.

PLAY YOUR BASS CAT! Don't sweat one bad experience, it's not worth your time.

 

[boristhespider9]

My wife is supportive and always has been. I basically work two jobs. I have a full time day job where I work 8-12 hour days and then 2-3 nights a week I teach college classes. That takes me out of the house for essentially 2-3 whole days. I feel guilty doing anything beyond that to take me away from home.

The time issue can be really difficult. Lots of good advice above. Lots of folks are or have been in your position. Totally normal when you have a job and a family.

One additional thought. You can take break from being in a band -- even a very casual band -- while your kids are young and time is scarce. But that doesn't mean you need to stop playing. It's a great time to woodshed. There's so many great videos, books, YouTube lessons, etc. out there these days, you can become a monster player, when your schedule allows, so that when time frees up down the line you'll be a whole new player. I find that being in a band can sometimes inhibit your skill development because you're often just focusing on learning songs. If you've been wanting to take it to the next level and develop certain skills (e.g., slap, sight-reading, etc.), now's a great time to work on all of that without the pressure and time commitment of a band.

Plus, the timing will work out. Right when your kids no longer think you're cool...you'll get back on stage and rock out and maybe they'll reconsider...

 

[pfschim]

been more or less said .. but I'll say it again.
Music is a life sport, no need to ever give it up unless you wish to.

I am 58 and have been playing paying gigs since I was 13 (started playing URB at 8). Played pro for years; H.S., college (payed my way), after school and through my 20's. Never hit it big, but always had a gig. Got married, had 2 kids, went part time with music and got a full time corporate gig for the past several decades. Played the whole time, but much more dialed down. Once my kids got older and more independent, I started to play more steadily again. Once the kids left the house and finished college (hey, I'm an old guy) I started playing even more. Music is so much a part of who I am, I can't imagine quitting for any reason. You, of course, have to decide for yourself in this matter, but simply because you asked us here on TB must mean you care.

Never did the Church thing. One thing I did decide when I started back in earnest, was that I was not going to focus on cover music, and decided seek out original music projects, and writers that wanted a collaborator (I don't write myself). I have had great fun and great gigs over the past 12 years working/gigging/recording with 2 original bands that draw good crowds wherever we play. It's no diss on anyone doing the cover/bar band thing, but it's just a really cool feeling to have audiences grooving to music that was not a top 40 hit in the last 50 years. Even cooler to be hired back (and paid well) over and over too.

So, brother, don't quit because you ran into a situation that does not feel good - unless that's what you really want to do. Also remember, your kids are interesting observers of their parents behavior. Quitting is rarely a good thing to teach your kids, particularly if its something they know you love.

hang in there
and
enjoy!

 

[thebassguy86]

I've been a TB member for 8 years and have been playing for almost 20 years. I started out playing in Alt Rock bands in the mid to late nineties. In 1998, I played in a swing band and learned upright. We toured the eastern united states for 2 years and played more than 300 shows. Around 2000, the swing craze died and so did the band with it. I ended up finishing my degree at college and getting a "real job." Since then music has been a hobby. I've pretty much just played on worship teams at churches during the last 15 years.

I'm now 37, have grey hair and not young, hip and cool. The church I go to is a great church and love it dearly but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed. The music is now all this "techno pop" stuff that does't leave much room for live bass (everything is programmed); instrumentalists just kind of play along.

The church hired an outside producer who is helping them release their first album of original music and producing a live video production. The producer is using his own bass player for the project. They are using our guitarist, drummer and singer but he is handling everything else. I'm disappointed by this but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed.

I will never make a career in music at this phase of my life. I love doing it but it's just a hobby. Are any of you feeling this way? Do any of you have any advice? Is there an appropriate time to hang it up to make way for the younger generation?

I'm in a similar boat - 29 now, been playing since I was 16. Turned 21 and got into the weekend warrior gig. Got married and had out first kid at 25. Started doing less gigs. Graduated college, got a "big boy" job - less gigs.

Now I'm 29, haven't had a gig in going on three years. Been playing in church for about a year, and it does get my fix. but they've brought in another pastor who "plays" bass and my time got cut in half.

I have a lot of nice, expensive equipment. I play daily at home, just to keep my chops up - It doesn't suffice. It doesn't help when I love in a town where the music scene has all but dissolved, either. I don't want to give it all up, but I am fed up playing solo...

I love playing bass. Its what I've based my life around. I've made a career at it [upper management at an MI retailer]. Just wish I played out more, or made money doing it! Lol

 

[VWbug]

37! Ha. I'm in my 50s. Still having fun. I sub with other churches occasionally and it lets me see how different folks do things in that kind of venue. I'm sure just enjoying it as a hobby, that there are other places/churches to play where you would be appreciated. As we get older we reshuffle I guess?
Ride it out. You're ok.