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Thinking About Walking Away

#141
kirkm24 said:
I've been a TB member for 8 years and have been playing for almost 20 years. I started out playing in Alt Rock bands in the mid to late nineties. In 1998, I played in a swing band and learned upright. We toured the eastern united states for 2 years and played more than 300 shows. Around 2000, the swing craze died and so did the band with it. I ended up finishing my degree at college and getting a "real job." Since then music has been a hobby. I've pretty much just played on worship teams at churches during the last 15 years.
I'm now 37, have grey hair and not young, hip and cool. The church I go to is a great church and love it dearly but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed. The music is now all this "techno pop" stuff that does't leave much room for live bass (everything is programmed); instrumentalists just kind of play along.
The church hired an outside producer who is helping them release their first album of original music and producing a live video production. The producer is using his own bass player for the project. They are using our guitarist, drummer and singer but he is handling everything else. I'm disappointed by this but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed.
I will never make a career in music at this phase of my life. I love doing it but it's just a hobby. Are any of you feeling this way? Do any of you have any advice? Is there an appropriate time to hang it up to make way for the younger generation?
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kirkm24 said:
That's the thing. I have two young children and a wife. I don't want to be out doing gigs all the time along with my day jobs. I need to be there for them. The church gig allowed me to get my fix and still be a responsible husband/father. I feel like the church is looking for younger/hipper folks and my time has come to an end. I don't think I could do the bar scene again at this phase of my life.
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kirkm24 said:
I am thinking and praying about that because I am wondering if these thoughts and feelings are an indicator that it's time to move on to something else. I just don't know what that something else is. I also want to make it clear that I am in no way throwing my church under the bus. I love the church and the leadership and will never bad mouth them in any way, shape or form. They have to do what they feel is best and I will step aside if it's for the betterment of the worship team. I am disappointed but I'll get over it.
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First off... If you like playing in church then keep on doing it if you can.. Second there are always other alternatives to the bar scene.. Find other christian musicians who think like you do and want to play.. If continuing at the church is not an option anymore consider Wikkiloops as well. Look man I sarted playing in 77... I stopped playing for the most part not even practicing much around 1986 at 31 .. and I did not start to play again until 2001 at 46 in church. I'm going to be 60 in August and the only thing that will stop me from playing is an illness or an injury.. I will be playing somewhere as long as I can.. The point of all that is... 37 is not old.. and your current scenario is not all there is and loosing that opportunity is not the end of the world if in fact that is what has happened.. You are just going through a funk now...


Let me tell you a story.

When I started playing again in 2001 I had not been playing for years... I was rusty as all get out and truth be told I never was an outstanding bass player before that.. I played in a few bands.. one was a Deadhead cover band and the other was a disco/dance/funk band .. but I played the songs.. I would rarely venture above the 8th fret unless the song called for it .. like say the beginning of "Boogie Oogie Oogie" .. but that was it.. When I started playing again I had to start pretty much from scratch.. totally new music and no chops... the only good thing was I knew the fret board well enough up to the 12th fret but chops wise I was bad (Lol.. I still have a lot of room for improvement..) ... I could not even switch from fingers to thumb smoothly.. and the beginning of say "Trading My Sorrows" either version.. the one by Israel or the original one.. was very hard for me to do smoothly.. with the former being impossible at the time and the latter being my watered down version.. Around 2004 or 2005 I was getting better.. but I was still not progressing as I wanted to. I was working two jobs and did not have a lot of time. I was playing my same 78 Jazz that I always had and while I was learning the songs there was still a lot that I just did not know... I did not begin to actually study the instrument.. and the theory until 2009 or so.. Anyway to make a long story short .. at one point I was playing the 3 English services at my church and the Hispanic service as well.. I was having some issues with my Jazz by then almost 30 year old bass.. and I was getting very frustrated at my progress.. There was also another bass player who had just came to the church who was just so good and intimidating to me that I began to question ... everything. He took some of the load from the English service.. most of it in fact.. I went from playing 3 services a week to only doing the 6PM service and every other or every 3rd sometimes English service.. The Hispanic worship leader musty have seen this. One day I was so frustrated I went home and got on my knees.. I was doing some other stuff in the church too.. so I considered.. maybe things were going the way they were because I was trying to do my thing... so I asked God to show me... to let me know... This was a Sunday evening after the Hispanic service .. I said "If this is all about me then direct me.. but if you want me to do this then give me a sign..!" The very next day... I get a call from the Hispanic WL asking me to meet him in the church parking lot.. He wouldn't say why ... but I went.. When I got there he told me that he could see my frustration and he knew i was having issues with my bass and he wanted me to know how much he appreciated what I was doing .. He opened his trunk and pulled out a brand new Ibby with a case.. It wasn't fancy.. but it was a new bass that he bought for me... I was totally floored. The rest is history.. He said "I know you may not like this bass so here is the receipt. I will not be offended at all if you took it back and got something you liked more.." I did just that.. I went back to GC.. exchanged it for an SR505 and have not looked back.. I am now a part of a band formed by members of the PT at my church.. a 4 piece gospel/jazz/blues kind of thing.. my wife sings with us.. and I play on the PT every other Sunday and other projects as needed. I am not happy with the music all the time.. but I am not just playing for my own pleasure.. it is also to serve the people of that church.

The point of that long winded post is.. music is a gift... music is a sign of life... If you have been blessed with this gift no matter how discouraged you get never consider stopping unless you have to. If you were on a sailboat at sea and the winds changed would you leave the boat...? No.... you adjust your sails.. wait for the winds to pick back up.. and eventually sail on.

Sail on man.
 
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#142
kirkm24 said:
That's the thing. I have two young children and a wife. I don't want to be out doing gigs all the time along with my day jobs. I need to be there for them. The church gig allowed me to get my fix and still be a responsible husband/father. I feel like the church is looking for younger/hipper folks and my time has come to an end. I don't think I could do the bar scene again at this phase of my life.
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You can find flexible gigs, also your not old. You sound like a true musician which means you can't quit. Music isn't just a hobby but a curse, once you hang it up and sell your gear you will miss it and get the itch.
 
#144
I did walk away. Eventually I walked back when I came to the realization that if I didn't play bass in a band and (at least occassionally) in front of an audience I would go insane. For many of us being a musician is what we are and we deny it at our peril.
 
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#148
You should always remember why you got into playing music. Because it is fun and you had ambition. The younger generation will always come up with something different. It has and will always be that way. I teach String Orchestra full time at a magnet school just outside of Nashville and I play at my church as well as being a hired gun for other bands. I play because I love it and for no other reason. I could have chose the path of playing professional but decided to raise a family and teach instead, not because I can't play, but because I can and chose not to chase "the dream". Just because you make a living doing something other than music does not mean you should cut back or give it up.

Sounds to me like you have hit a plateau and a little down because of the situation at the church. Just remember why you started playing.
 
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#149
tgriley62 said:
Bought my first "real" bass 5 years ago at 48. Have never been on stage in my life but I am bound and determined to into a band and start gigging. Don't give up, take some time off if you need to
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I did the same thing! I've become more committed at learning and practicing! My dream since I was a kid was to play on stage and have the crowd loving the music! I hope that this dream becomes a reality once I finish my overseas tours! But I have to get over the lack of confidence barrier and just go for it! But I will never give up on that dream! No matter that I am 53 years old!
 
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#150
Hi Kirkm24 and fellow TBers,

My daughter asked "what does cake and eat it mean" and I found myself explaining my bass guitar situation.
"Well hon, I play bass, enjoy it, am good at it, so that part is having your cake. Eating your cake too means you make your living at it and thrive in the business, that sort of thing.
"In my situation, hon, my cake sure looked yummy, but the taste was bitter, salty and other people I didn't really trust kept grabbing hunks without asking..."

It framed up this phase I'm going through in my music life quite succinctly, and I found myself, at 45, looking for a casual jam to start up, because there's some pretty sweet cake to be had out there and shared with deserving band members.

The hardest part right now is finding people who aren't passive aggressive (an exhausting part of communication regarding Seattle musicians), who actually want to play what I suggest as well. Hang in there, there'll be a turnaround point sooner than later. Keep playing!

Bernard Edwards said to John Taylor, "all you can do is just play."
 
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#151
It sounds like the band, not the bass, is the problem. I am in my 60's, and although I was playing in a successful swing band locally, I lost all enjoyment in playing out Not only did I walk away from the swing band, I decided to go back to playing piano and and got very clear on what kind of music I will and will not play. My interest in playing music has blossomed. Really, it was the band and the people I was associating with. I am barely gigging right now, but will be starting to look for new playing situations in the next few months.

It seems to me, at least here in So Cal, that the swing band craze is alive and well. Interestingly, I played many gigs that were largely attended by dancers in their 20's and 30's.
 
#152
I think I stopped caring about "making it" about 10 years ago.

I'll never stop playing in bands because it's in my blood, I love it too much. But any success is a bonus, I'm happy jamming with my mates and playing a few gigs a month (at most).

Walk away from the church thing and find something enjoyable.
 
#154
Remember, kirkm24, that you are not in this life only to do things you think you have to do, but also to do things that excite and fulfill you. If that becomes a problem then you must try to balance things. Consider cutting down on your work hours. I am 58 and regularly kick myself for taking up making music again only a few years ago. If all is well your family will understand. Do not give up.

Btw. I am in a cover band. We play once a week, if possible, and hardly ever gig. It is just fun.
 
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#156
kirkm24 said:
I've been a TB member for 8 years and have been playing for almost 20 years. I started out playing in Alt Rock bands in the mid to late nineties. In 1998, I played in a swing band and learned upright. We toured the eastern united states for 2 years and played more than 300 shows. Around 2000, the swing craze died and so did the band with it. I ended up finishing my degree at college and getting a "real job." Since then music has been a hobby. I've pretty much just played on worship teams at churches during the last 15 years.

I'm now 37, have grey hair and not young, hip and cool. The church I go to is a great church and love it dearly but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed. The music is now all this "techno pop" stuff that does't leave much room for live bass (everything is programmed); instrumentalists just kind of play along.

The church hired an outside producer who is helping them release their first album of original music and producing a live video production. The producer is using his own bass player for the project. They are using our guitarist, drummer and singer but he is handling everything else. I'm disappointed by this but I am beginning to wonder if my time has passed.

I will never make a career in music at this phase of my life. I love doing it but it's just a hobby. Are any of you feeling this way? Do any of you have any advice? Is there an appropriate time to hang it up to make way for the younger generation?
Click to expand...
I don't believe God gives you a talent and puts you in a place where it can't be used. No matter what error we are in basic bass playing is still the same. I think you have the ability to still be one of the best no matter if the producer didn't use you. Most producers always have their particulars because they don't have to do a lot of explaining on what sound they are looking for. Don't be discourage but be encouraged that God will not allow your talent to go to waste. There's never a need to get bitter but always a need to get better. Hang in there and you will be used how God sees fit and He always allow you gift to make room for you.
 
#157
Just walk away; I will give you safe passage in the wasteland. 
Just walk away and there will be an end to the horror

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Seriously though, Lord Humungus has a point. There are other gigs out there. If you are doing the church gig for fun and it's not fun anymore time to move on. I wouldn't get bent out of shape about the recording thing either, that's showbiz. I've been on both sides of situations like that.
 
#158
Not everyone who loves music or calls themselves a musician can "make it." Over my years of playing, there have been times I made good money at it, but I never really had that dream of being famous or being in a band that "is gonna get signed and be hugely popular, duuuude!" or anything of that nature.

I always just wanted to share music by jamming with other musicians and hopefully helping audiences have a good time. Money and notoriety have never played into it for me. I'm 46, by the way.
 
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#159
DON'T QUIT BASS QUIT CHURCH! Let me clarify this, I just turned 57 this year and like you I played for a local Mega church full of young musicians and they could not get enough of Hillsong, PlanetShakers, CCM techo christian music with a rare sprinkling of Urban Gospel. Myself being a jazz fusion, funk bassist I felt trapped and stifled bec`ause to me that type of music is nothing short of basic and with routine predictable patterns. Long story short, after being the Band Director (Unpaid) for 5 years I decided to step down and for lack of a better wording concentrate on "Doing Me". I now play for a working band with guys of mixed ages and I freelance. Ive also been hired to play for 2 different churches (alternating weeks) and getting paid even for rehearsal time. My playing has improved tremendously as well as my soloing. Im not saying leave the church BUT find a place where you belong musically and you'll be much happier, less stressed and FREE.
 

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