Then take a break for awhile. Start back up when you feel it's best. Keep your gear, and don't do anything hasty out of frustration. Seller's remorse is a whole lot worse than buyer's. Stay on TB. Gray hair? You still have hair?
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Thinking About Walking Away
- Thread starter kirkm24
- Start date
This sounds EXACTLY like what I went through. In my early days, I was in a few GB outfits, playing all the time. When I got married, I decided to finish up my undergrad. Along with starting a family, I simply didn't have the time for gigging and stopped playing. My trusty Rick 4001 sat in its case for 5 years. I got a call from 2 former bandmates that were in a "do it for fun" outfit. All of us were in the same boat with young families, so it worked out great. For 15 years and various incarnations, we tore up the cookout circuit, playing whatever the heck we wanted. Nothing was off the table: Kansas - Song for America; Rush - Tom Sawyer/Limelight/Freewill; Pink Floyd - Shine On You Crazy Diamond/Run. It was probably the most fun I've ever had in a band. We're in our third or fourth cover band incarnation, but our goals have changed from playing backyard cookouts to conquering the local club circuit to moving into higher paying corporate gigs as we move into retirement. (Most of us are in our 50's and the drummer turns 60 this year.)
I relay all of this because it's vitally important that you keep playing. Your kids need to see you doing something you enjoy. It gives them a sense of who you are beyond a Dad and as they age, may be your only claim to coolness! ;-) In addition, your wife will feel very bad that you gave up something you loved for the family. Who knows, maybe some of your passion will rub off on the little ones and they'll discover a lifelong obsession that wouldn't have been open to them had you quit.
Rediscover why you became a musician in the first place. Find a project that is just for the fun of it and less of a strain on your family time. When the kids are older, they won't need you around so much and you can kick it into high gear with another project.
This.
My wife and I have played music together since 1988. We play Christian music (occasionally some old fiddle tunes at home and such) and we play all we want.
To the OP: A few years back we were in the P&W team at a large local church for 5 or 6 years. During that time we got a new pastor whose wife became our new Worship leader. She molded our once rocking band into basically rock concert. Light show, smoke machines, huge subwoofers, all the makings of a secular concert. Then we started playing secular songs (Acky Breaky Heart, Sweet Home Ala, Cold Play, Pop Country songs, etc.) on Sunday mornings and I could no longer stomach it. Members were line dancing in the aisles. If my wife and I were going to play secular music, there are a boatload of local bands we could join, and get paid (and paid well) to play. But for us, we have chosen to stick with our Christian principles.
So we resigned amicably, and found a small local church in need of musicians - all they had was a piano player. Two years later, we have a full band, playing a cross-section of Christian music, and having a ball. We run about 150 to 200 people, we play the old hymns, some Southern Gospel, P&W tunes, and even an occasion Bluegrass Gospel song. Lots of variety. I get to use my amp again, and we play some really great stuff. I could not be happier.
Playing in church on Sunday morning, and the practice time it takes to learn the songs really should not interfere with your family responsibilities too much. I say go for it, find you another church to play at. It is hard changing churches, but many times His plan is much better than ours.
I am 43, married and with 4 kids, I play at my church and that is all I need. If my church decide to start a band and try to make it in CCM scene then they should look for another bass player because I don't want/can commit to it.
The question here ( and only you know the answer ) is: What exactly you want to do? You said that music is a hobby, then keep playing at your church or any other church or jamming with friends or in your basement if that makes you happy. No because you love playing bass means that you have to pursue a professional musician life.
The question here ( and only you know the answer ) is: What exactly you want to do? You said that music is a hobby, then keep playing at your church or any other church or jamming with friends or in your basement if that makes you happy. No because you love playing bass means that you have to pursue a professional musician life.
On to the ignore list you go.
Firstly, like a few others here, I didn't start gigging until I was in my 40's for various reasons. I have played guitar and bass (mostly rhythm guitar) for many years. I am still learning new stuff all the time and I am 47.
Secondly, this techno poppy stuff can actually be quite fun in the right band. I cover synth and some piano parts since we don't have a keyboard player, and I like it that way...stuff like Lady Gaga, Katie Perry, Adele, etc. But there is a lot of different kinds of music that doesn't fit that. Maybe Country music would be a good fit? I am lucky in that our band covers all kinds of music including country, and it's fun. How about "All about that Bass"? There is a lot of good bass in modern music. If you must stay in the church scene, I would find another group to work with.
Thirdly, I would kindly bail on your current situation, being honest, but not confrontational, as to why this is no longer the gig for you. I hate situations like that when it's you that is left out. I find that it is best just to remove yourself from this kind of thing and let things be. It could be that it isn't your playing that is at issue, it could be that this is this dudes buddy, relative, whatever... Either way, you have been excluded, and the rest of the group seem complicit with that situation, so you are already an outsider for this group.
Secondly, this techno poppy stuff can actually be quite fun in the right band. I cover synth and some piano parts since we don't have a keyboard player, and I like it that way...stuff like Lady Gaga, Katie Perry, Adele, etc. But there is a lot of different kinds of music that doesn't fit that. Maybe Country music would be a good fit? I am lucky in that our band covers all kinds of music including country, and it's fun. How about "All about that Bass"? There is a lot of good bass in modern music. If you must stay in the church scene, I would find another group to work with.
Thirdly, I would kindly bail on your current situation, being honest, but not confrontational, as to why this is no longer the gig for you. I hate situations like that when it's you that is left out. I find that it is best just to remove yourself from this kind of thing and let things be. It could be that it isn't your playing that is at issue, it could be that this is this dudes buddy, relative, whatever... Either way, you have been excluded, and the rest of the group seem complicit with that situation, so you are already an outsider for this group.
Chef
In Memoriam
I'll be 55 in January. I still work as much as I want to.
Sometimes with guys my age and older; sometimes with players much younger than I am.
If it ain't fun, don't do it. If it is fun, enjoy that.
Personally, I want to be like Les Paul, and have fun right til I check out.
Sometimes with guys my age and older; sometimes with players much younger than I am.
If it ain't fun, don't do it. If it is fun, enjoy that.
Personally, I want to be like Les Paul, and have fun right til I check out.
- May 22, 2014
- 14
- 13
- 71
- Disclosures
- Used to have a commerical bass guitar website (bass-guitar-essentials.com) but it is now discontinued
My story is similar to 1954Bassman. I played in worship teams in relatively large churches for many years. I had some great opportunities and experiences. In addition to playing in regular services I did a lot of playing in Christmas and Easter productions with orchestras made up of hired local pros and our rhythm section. I did some recording, television and got to play with a few touring guest artists. I played with friends, then with my friends' kids, and then with my friends' grandkids. But eventually I got tired of the sameness of the P&W music. I liked the lyrics and enjoy musical worship but found the simplistic music and monotonous eighth note bass lines boring. I also found myself pigeon-holed as a bass player, even though I had some skills on drums, rhythm guitar, keyboard, etc. that I would have liked to develop.
My wife and I finally decided we were being led in a different direction. We moved on to help out in a small inner city church where our daughter's husband was the pastor. I'm playing again there, and although the quality of the production doesn't compare, the variety of styles is better. I'm enjoying playing again, and have lots of opportunities to contribute, on bass and otherwise. It also helps that my daughter is one of the worship leaders, her husband one of the drummers, and my two grandkids are involved musically as well. My point: sometimes God closes doors and opens others that, on the surface, might not look as good, but can turn out better in the long run.
My wife and I finally decided we were being led in a different direction. We moved on to help out in a small inner city church where our daughter's husband was the pastor. I'm playing again there, and although the quality of the production doesn't compare, the variety of styles is better. I'm enjoying playing again, and have lots of opportunities to contribute, on bass and otherwise. It also helps that my daughter is one of the worship leaders, her husband one of the drummers, and my two grandkids are involved musically as well. My point: sometimes God closes doors and opens others that, on the surface, might not look as good, but can turn out better in the long run.
Oh man- if you walk away from playing, it won't take long for the "real job" to eat away at you! There's nothing wrong with being a hobbiest... Hobbies enrich life and make the less pleasant aspects of life far more manageable. Find some like-minded musicians and challenge each other to keep chops sharp and new material into the rotation. If your church is moving in a direction where the music isn't "you" you'd probably want to move on anyway... Not to diminish the fact that it feels bad to get edged out like that.
Maybe you should consider another church.
As I once was told: "If God gives you lemons…find a new God!" Just sayin'…
EDIT: But seriously, see post #49, above, which I've now just read…what you have to offer may better be shared elsewhere…
"My story is similar to 1954Bassman. I played in worship teams in relatively large churches for many years. I had some great opportunities and experiences. In addition to playing in regular services I did a lot of playing in Christmas and Easter productions with orchestras made up of hired local pros and our rhythm section. I did some recording, television and got to play with a few touring guest artists. I played with friends, then with my friends' kids, and then with my friends' grandkids. But eventually I got tired of the sameness of the P&W music. I liked the lyrics and enjoy musical worship but found the simplistic music and monotonous eighth note bass lines boring. I also found myself pigeon-holed as a bass player, even though I had some skills on drums, rhythm guitar, keyboard, etc. that I would have liked to develop.
My wife and I finally decided we were being led in a different direction. We moved on to help out in a small inner city church where our daughter's husband was the pastor. I'm playing again there, and although the quality of the production doesn't compare, the variety of styles is better. I'm enjoying playing again, and have lots of opportunities to contribute, on bass and otherwise. It also helps that my daughter is one of the worship leaders, her husband one of the drummers, and my two grandkids are involved musically as well. My point: sometimes God closes doors and opens others that, on the surface, might not look as good, but can turn out better in the long run."
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Don't ever give up playing bass. If you've come this far you obviously love to play and are talented and are (most importantly) a "bass player". That alone is a great accomplishment. Take a break if you have to, but you will get back into it. It may even take a year or more but it usually comes back around and you'll find a situation that is more suited to you where maybe YOU are the youngest hippest guy in the band. Who knows...
Big Hoss
Up note, down note, blue note, brown note...
- Sep 5, 2014
- 5,455
- 4,234
- Disclosures
- None
Sorry if I keep popping up, but this is chewing on me a bit... And I felt I needed to elaborate a bit more on what I am saying here.
First, and foremost, if music is your gifting, even if your current church, or a particular worship team isn't using your gifts, don't give up!
Perhaps you should talk to the worship leader at your church, and be honest about how you are feeling about the direction things are going. I know in my church, we actually have several P&W bands, with subs for each position. A band that does the main services, and another one that works with the youth ministries.
There are LOTS of opportunities in the Christian community to play, that may not be for Sunday morning services, and hopefully that is fine with you. Let someone else take Sunday, maybe you can be the bass player for the Wednesday night youth team, or the player for the socials. depending on your Church and their activities, and how they involve music...
I've been in churches where the only music was the congregation singing, and the music minister with a beat up guitar trying to lead worship... There is no shortage of that out there, so find where you can serve and enjoy!
First, and foremost, if music is your gifting, even if your current church, or a particular worship team isn't using your gifts, don't give up!
Perhaps you should talk to the worship leader at your church, and be honest about how you are feeling about the direction things are going. I know in my church, we actually have several P&W bands, with subs for each position. A band that does the main services, and another one that works with the youth ministries.
There are LOTS of opportunities in the Christian community to play, that may not be for Sunday morning services, and hopefully that is fine with you. Let someone else take Sunday, maybe you can be the bass player for the Wednesday night youth team, or the player for the socials. depending on your Church and their activities, and how they involve music...
I've been in churches where the only music was the congregation singing, and the music minister with a beat up guitar trying to lead worship... There is no shortage of that out there, so find where you can serve and enjoy!
The great thing about the OP's situation is that no decision is permanent, and sometimes the decision makes itself for you. It sounds as if several people on here, myself included, walked away from it for any number of reasons, and eventually heard the music calling them back. There's nothing wrong with taking a break and seeing how it feels without playing, but IME if playing music is deeply rooted in you, it will come calling eventually, when you are ready.
If you're into recording, consider doing that. You may not even have to leave the house to make great music.
If you're into recording, consider doing that. You may not even have to leave the house to make great music.
There are many, many, many ways to play and HAVE FUN. Explore all your options and above all, don't EVER let anyone (yourself included) take away from you the joy of playing bass. You'd miss it if you walked away.
Never give up. Step away for a while if you need to but don't sell gear and say "it's over." Your kids aren't going to be in the house forever and certainly the amount of attention they need will diminish as they get older as well. Remember with kids "the days are long and the years are short" and before you know it you will have that time back and think "I want to play some bass again." Or someone will be looking for a bassists and you'll say "hey, I know someone, me!"
And you're incorrect in your thinking it's not "my time has passed" it's "that time has passed" and now you're in a new phase of life.
And you're incorrect in your thinking it's not "my time has passed" it's "that time has passed" and now you're in a new phase of life.
You don't stop playing because you grow old.
You grow old because you stop playing!
You grow old because you stop playing!
First off, 37 your a baby. Sounds like you need a change. ( Look for a new Band, or freelance )
Find something that excites you, and is fun. But if you truly do not want to play anymore. Walk away.
You should never do something you don't love to do. It is not fair to other musicians you will play with.
Find something that excites you, and is fun. But if you truly do not want to play anymore. Walk away.
You should never do something you don't love to do. It is not fair to other musicians you will play with.
Walk away? Nah. Hey, it stings a bit but it's not at all unusual for a producer to bring his own guy(s). He has a guy who he works with and trusts to do exactly what he wants. Let it go. Let them do their video and get back to the gig next week. Life's too short to fret about this stuff.
As long as I physically can, I will ALWAYS and forever play. Doesnt matter if its a hobby, a career, a side job, whatever, I will play. On my couch at home or on a stage. I will play. Older or younger, I will play. Sure, being in a band is awesome most times. But if that opportunity is not there for me, I will still be at home playing away.
Maybe you need to simply take a step back and be a home player for a sec. Find a different band. I sounds to me like its stagnant to you at the moment. Just gotta get those inspirational juices flowin again! Just my opinion of course.
Maybe you need to simply take a step back and be a home player for a sec. Find a different band. I sounds to me like its stagnant to you at the moment. Just gotta get those inspirational juices flowin again! Just my opinion of course.
