Good point, it's all relative. Of course I'd consider a dental visit relatively palatable when compared to rap. I don't consider most hip hop rap, at least it has some level of musicality to it.

Hopefully not the family Jules!
Don't see too many of those but they do exist. I'm no expert on the topic but I think there might be three main variants to choose from - an Eppi with PJ pups, an Eppi with an active preamp and a Gibby Studio. I'm sure someone will be along to correct me if I'm mistaken. Of course there's lots of great non Gibby/Eppi five string birds as well - Lull, Spector, Dingwall and many more.
Good luck on your quest!