Your calluses aren't even trying!
You've become worthless and weak!
The only solution is a rigorous training program to re-motivate your jelly-like meathooks, and instill in them a sense of duty to serve.
First, go out to the garage and turn on your bench grinder. You
DO have a bench grinder, don't you?
Good.
Now, grasp the spinning wheel between your thumb and fingertips, slowly exerting more pressure, until you bring it to a complete stop. Repeat.
Now switch hands and continue this exercise until you really feel the burn.
Next, start your car, open the hood, and reach in and grasp the fan belt til the engine stalls. Repeat, as needed, for both hands. You're on your way!
Now, get in the car and drive it to the nearest forest preserve, and using cheese sticks, lure in a porcupine.
Grab him firmly, with both hands, and tell him something that will really tick him off.
Tell him you think all porcupines are actually cute and cuddly.
Ignore the searing pain in your palms, and whisper in his ear that you did his sister....... on the first date.
Be imaginative, but hold on for at least 60 seconds.
These rituals, through repetition, will start you down a true path to recovery. Before you know it, your hands will be gnarly with calluses, and manly enough to handle GHS Boomers and Rotosound Swing Bass strings. You can thank me later.
Don't get up, I'll let myself out.
On my way.
Going now.