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Time to ask - how to go about quitting

#22
hrodbert696 said:
I'm thinking of calling the singer first to tell her how I'm feeling about it. If she wants to have a band meeting to talk it over or can give me good reasons for staying, I'll go with that.
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That'll be like putting your toe in the cold water and easing into it for 30 minutes, or tugging at a band-aide. Why prolong the inevitable?

In your mind you're already gone, or you wouldn't have started this thread.
 
#23
I agree. I'm thinking of calling the singer first to tell her how I'm feeling about it. If she wants to have a band meeting to talk it over or can give me good reasons for staying, I'll go with that. If she agrees with my decision, though, I'd go on to call the others.

There are no future gigs booked right now, btw, so it wouldn't be leaving anyone high and dry.
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Hmm, in that case with nothing on the books, just call all 4 of them on the phone and quit!!!

Unless you haven’t really decided to stay or leave yet, and if that is the case this thread is going to be just like beating a dead horse.

Good luck.

EDIT: As pointed out by TBers below - keep it short and simple, be polite and don’t get into any drama - and in this case, maybe an email to all 4 members would be best.
 
#24
No way I would drive an hour to quit a band I didn't want to stay in made up of people I don't plan to stay in touch with.

I am not in the "you must quit in person club." I am in the "make it reasonable for me and everyone else" club and I don't care what people think about it.

Personally I would write a very nice email and never look back.

I have quit in person when I thought highly of the BL and wanted to maintain our relationship.

I use email when I am cutting ties with the people. Geez, why waste the gas and everyone else's time and money for no reason?? (Meeting at Applebee's to "do the right thing" would cost all the member ten or fifteen bucks... BS!! If someone did that to me I would be majorly pissed!!)

Here:

Hey guys,

Unfortunately I have reached the decision that this project isn't right for me anymore. I like all you guys and would rather not go into all the reasons but a large one is the distance due to my new place of residence. I do wish you well as I'll be looking for something closer to home.

Good luck and all my best,
-The Reasonable One
 
#26
Was in the very same situation. BL drinks a LOT. BL likes to talk a lot s**t in between songs. Too much idleness in between songs. BL constantly forgets his parts! BL constantly recycling past setlists forgetting a ton of songs. BL leads off songs that drummer should be counting in messing up the whole vibe of the tune. BL can't remember half the songs we play therefore glossing over the setlist skipping good tunes! BL books the same 2 spots over and over with no aspirations of doing anything better! Spends way more time recording his own music than putting in band time! I finally had enough. Gave him my deadline. Deadline came......I'm out.
 
#27
It's easy to quit a band...just email them or call the BL and keep it simple.
Let them know this just isn't for you and you're going in a different direction.
There is No need to drag it out or add a bunch of drama to it.
They'll survive.
 
#28
If you have a BL (official or otherwise), talk to them FIRST.
If you have something invested in the band (not necessarily money or gear) it would be a nice touch to call a meeting.

Otherwise, I'd take the email approach.
Keep it personal but businesslike, no accusations or finger-pointing.
 
#29
Honesty is the best policy and if you quit tell them why. And don't forget to not burn any bridges. The music community is a small one.
 
#32
i think its always sad when you feel that you cant continue in a band, for whatever reason BUT the end of one thing can mean the start of something new, and imho that has the potential to be even better. in my band the # 1 thing is fun and if anyone has a issue over something we talk openly about it all together. its not always easy and its got very heated sometimes but with us all getting our feelings out we have got realy tight( musicaly and friendship wise) and understand each other realy well. talk to your band and maybe you can clear the air and pull it all together again. its worth a try and if it dont work out at least you gave it your best shot. i wish you lots of luck.
 
#33
hrodbert696 said:
I had weighed that possibility, but decided against it, or at least against suggesting it. Yes, the problems are with him and not the others, but the thing is that he's the one who put the band together in the first place; it started with him and the singer at open mics together, the drummer is his son, and he brought the rhythm guitarist in after she subbed in another band he's in. I'm the only one in the group who is there because I answered a CL ad and auditioned.

So it may be the case that the others are feeling the same way, but I don't think I'm in a position to say we need to kick him out. Even if somebody else replies that they think he should go, then it's a prospect of starting over with a major piece missing (problems aside, he's a heck of a player once he gets going), and driving an hour to practice to reinvent the band. Not sure that's a scenario I would prefer over just leaving and finding a new group closer by (I moved to a more populated part of the state that's relatively thick with bands and venues).
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Maybe they will follow you when you quit.

Blue
 
#34
Gonna agree with the phone or email crowd. Driving an hour just to quit and leave would suck for everyone.

A simple phone call would probably be the most appreciated by the other band members, but i wouldn't find an email unacceptable either. Quick and easy is the answer.
 
#35
GlennW said:
I wouldn't deal with the time and expense of driving.

Phone is fine, and you could make four calls in 10-15 minutes.
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this, plus a follow up email to all summarizing the results of the phone calls. "A wants you to stay for 6 weeks, B wants you to stay indefinantly until replaced, C wants you gone now, you're willing to do X."

of course in my scenario "x" is the hot female singer... ;)

good luck!
 
#37
I wouldn't allow angst to settle over my life in this kind of situation. Life is too short to make music with an insensitive jerk. A two-hour drive to rehearse is onerous, and you've got lots of opportunity in the larger metro area. After you resign, you'll quickly become a lost memory to that band. A nearly universal truth is that all bands die. Just move on and build a new musical experience in more positive circumstances.
 
#39
DWBass said:
Sometimes, things are better left unsaid. In my case, I didn't want to say, "I'm quitting because you guys suck"! I just told him I needed a break and that I'll be moving on to other things when I get back into the scene.
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Same here. Last band was seven awesome people, with one good player. I wasn't going to go in and tell them I didn't think they were at the level I wanted. Probably the most difficult 'quit' as I genuinely like them all, but I couldn't stand 'hoping' they would apply themselves more.

I'm a liar, but we are still friends.
 
#40
Who's the leader? Start there.

Moving an hour away is big enough. Whatever you do, don't point any fingers, even though what you would rather do is rant like a loon.

No need to make the drive, but personal contact is necessary.

I once gave up on a band and told them I wanted to gig closer to home, and that's what I do now.
 

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