Tourist rules for your city

[MakiSupaStar]

Huntington Beach. Don't rent a boogie board without fins, because then I have to meet you. Don't think you can swim all the way to the outside break without fins, because then I have to meet you. Don't drink on the beach, because then I have to meet you. Don't barbecue on the sand because then I have to meet you. Don't try to have sex with your chick in the middle of the beach on a crowded day because then I will take pictures and then make you stop. Usually a bucket of water will suffice for that. Don't pretend like your not drinking alcohol from red or blue plastic party cups because you're very obvious when you walk around with it all over the place (people don't do that with soda) because then I will have to meet you. Don't get hammered and then get the brilliant idea to run down to the beach and go for a swim because then I will have to meet you. Don't take mushrooms and then take your clothes off screaming nonsense about god and jesus and the black helicopters because then I will have to meet you. The ocean is not a good place for suicide, because then I have to swim out to you and your naked fatness and meet you. Don't come down to the beach with your dog off the leash and then complain when he gets attacked by a dog on a leash because then I will have to meet you and your dog will have to meet mr. animal control dude. Don't set up a tent and proceed to hump your chick in it in the middle of the beach because then I will meet you. If you're fat and out of shape don't decide to take up jogging on the fourth of july and have a heart attack because then I will meet you. Don't come down to the beach and hump the sand around little kids because then I will have to meet you. Don't rent Jet ski's and then decide that you're gonna learn how to ride them in the surfline, because then I have to meet you. Don't be an idiot with your big ass boat, because then I have to meet you. If you're going to have sex with your chick on your boat, don't anchor in the middle of the channel because then I have to meet you and your girlfriend. I don't want to meet you.

 

[Brummie]

Here on London Underground every escalator has a sign at the start stating 'Dogs must be carried on this escalator' yet I've been getting away with using escalators without bothering to carry a dog for years. Then again I do work for them so probably have staff Privileges.

 

[Gard]

Those bastards better not leave disney. If I seem them anywhere in my neck of the woods, they are fair game.

Bermuda shorts + Hawaiian shirt + socks & sandals = 10 points if you catch 'em in a crosswalk on I-Drive.

 

[nortonrider]

Around here it is mandatory that the tourist are rude to the waitresses and all of them are expected to stop right in the middle of the road to take pictures.

Also, they must totally ignore all of the slower traffic keep right signs (they must not have those in Texas).

 

[GregC]

Bermuda shorts + Hawaiian shirt + socks & sandals = 10 points if you catch 'em in a crosswalk on I-Drive.

I lived in Orlando for two years, I fully support this.

 

[Brummie]

Around The Yorkshire dales you should never go into a pub called 'The Slaughtered Lamb' and stick to the roads if it's foggy and nightfall - bad things can happen - I seen in it in a film once !!.
Carry a can of cat food just in case if you do go & smear it on your travelling companions back when he/she isn't looking, It'll help you out.
cheers

 

[Marlat]

1. Learn to pronounce the names of the place you want to visit before asking for directions.

2. We speak English, shouting at us slowly in English doesn't make any difference.

3. The beer is not warm, you are just used to drinking flavourless brown water.

 

[bkbirge]

I used to live on the island of Maui but I expect these would be fair for all of Hawaii:

1) Hawaii is not San Diego or any other annex of Southern California, please respect the unique culture here.
2) Take your shoes off when you go inside someone's house.
3) If you don't know what 'laid back' means then please pretend you do, for the rest of us.
4) Do not take rocks or plants or animals from here, and don't litter.
5) Wear lots of sunscreen, all the time. You've been warned.

I live in Houston now and the only rule I could see down here is don't walk alone at night.

 

[alfredpunkjazz]

Over here in México City, just try not to look like a tourist, ha ha ha.

Please don't go around searchin' for drugs/prostitutes/etc. You'll find it, and it's almost for sure that you'll have trouble... lots of it.

Just be relaxed, and try to have a nice guide to the city, a friend, something like that, will make things softer.

 

[steve21]

Go to the Americana and the Galleria in Glendale.

 

[peterbright]

must drive very slowly in the fast lane, have blue hair & be shorter than the top of the seat

 

[ryco]

Do not speed through this town. The speed limit is 30 (will grace you 5mph).
Port Orford, OR on hwy 101 is absolutely the worst Invalid Link Removed on the west coast - bar none!
This is how this dopey lil' town earns the revenue to support it's Police Dep't.
It's way safer for the cops to dole out speeding tickets than busting methheads!

Other than that it's a nice place!

 

[cheesemonkey]

I don't have any tips for tourists in houston just a question.
Why the hell did you come here? I mean really... its houston for goodness sakes

 

[ahkiatt]

Huntington Beach. Don't rent a boogie board without fins, because then I have to meet you. Don't think you can swim all the way to the outside break without fins, because then I have to meet you. Don't drink on the beach, because then I have to meet you. Don't barbecue on the sand because then I have to meet you. Don't try to have sex with your chick in the middle of the beach on a crowded day because then I will take pictures and then make you stop. Usually a bucket of water will suffice for that. Don't pretend like your not drinking alcohol from red or blue plastic party cups because you're very obvious when you walk around with it all over the place (people don't do that with soda) because then I will have to meet you. Don't get hammered and then get the brilliant idea to run down to the beach and go for a swim because then I will have to meet you. Don't take mushrooms and then take your clothes off screaming nonsense about god and jesus and the black helicopters because then I will have to meet you. The ocean is not a good place for suicide, because then I have to swim out to you and your naked fatness and meet you. Don't come down to the beach with your dog off the leash and then complain when he gets attacked by a dog on a leash because then I will have to meet you and your dog will have to meet mr. animal control dude. Don't set up a tent and proceed to hump your chick in it in the middle of the beach because then I will meet you. If you're fat and out of shape don't decide to take up jogging on the fourth of july and have a heart attack because then I will meet you. Don't come down to the beach and hump the sand around little kids because then I will have to meet you. Don't rent Jet ski's and then decide that you're gonna learn how to ride them in the surfline, because then I have to meet you. Don't be an idiot with your big ass boat, because then I have to meet you. If you're going to have sex with your chick on your boat, don't anchor in the middle of the channel because then I have to meet you and your girlfriend. I don't want to meet you.

HAHA!

"If you're fat and out of shape don't decide to take up jogging on the fourth of july and have a heart attack because then I will meet you."

CPR on a fat non asian man just won't cut huh.

 

[Joe Gress]

Co. Springs also has crazy weather. I spent a few weeks there a couple of years ago and in two weeks the weather went from mild 70's to a blizzard to a heat wave to an all day rain. Then when we went to Pike's Peak, I couldn't believe how fast I lost my breath up there. But maaaaaan what some donuts!

Yeah, bring a jacket wherever you go, because most likely the weather will change. Twice! In the same afternoon!

It's so funny to see flatlanders passed out or nearly choking because they miss their precious oxygen. Unfortunately my mother is one of them because of her lungs though.

Shh, don't tell 'em about the donuts.

 

[Passinwind]

What's a no no in your city?

Columbia River Gorge:

Don't try to go to all the breweries and/or wineries in the same day.


Don't let Toto outta the car without a tie-down. Yes, he will blow away!

 

[thebassist1234]

Seattle:

1.) Don't ask if it rains a lot here. Don't even mention it. It's not necessary.
2.) Leave the umbrella back wherever you came from.
3.) Don't go see the Space Needle. It's not the special.
4.) Yes, Kurt Cobain lived here.
5.) Don't walk into a Starbucks and act like you've never been in one. Dead giveaway.
6.) Don't be a jerk. People in the NW are generally pretty friendly and appreciate it being returned.
7.) Don't even bother with our sports.
8.) The Puget Sound is neither an ocean nor a sea. Its a sound.
9.) If your coming here in the summer, pack shorts because despite popular belief, the NW actually gets a sun too!
10.) Like/Appreciate/Know seafood.

Trust me, Seattle, along with anywhere in the Northwest is one of the most down to earth and awesome places in the country.

 

[unclekebm]

Do not speed through this town. The speed limit is 30 (will grace you 5mph).
Port Orford, OR on hwy 101 is absolutely the worst Invalid Link Removed on the west coast - bar none!
This is how this dopey lil' town earns the revenue to support it's Police Dep't.
It's way safer for the cops to dole out speeding tickets than busting methheads!

Other than that it's a nice place!

The OR coast is awesome!
I used to play at Lloyds of Bandon...have you been there?
man i miss that pace...

 

[Atoz]

Wearing a cheesy multicolored ski bib at our resorts is a sure sign that you're from out of town.

If you are wearing a cheesy multicolored ski bib and are acting obnoxiously, you are from NY/NJ. However, if you are wearing $1500 worth of top of the line ski apparel with $850 skis and are acting obnoxiously, you are from California.

 

[funkalicious101]

The city of Calgary is only to be mentioned in a condescending manner.