Tribulations finding others to play with

[Tazziedevil]

First off, not sure if this is the best sub forum for this or not, so Mods please feel free to move it if necessary.

This is a combination whinge/actual advice thread!


I'm in my early 40's, Have a degree in music performance & jazz studies, so I’m not a total hack. I have played Professionally/semi pro for years when younger - My main instrument has always been Bass (not surprisingly), but I also have some guitar skills, enough to play and sing some songs at parties and noodle around. I have written several songs in my time. I went into musical hibernation when my kids were born, my eldest is now 14 and youngest is 5. About 2 1/2 years ago I got this irresistible itch to get back into music seriously. I tuned up the bass, and once I realised it wasn't just a wild urge and upgraded basses, amps and after knocking the rust off my fingers began the search to find other people to play with.

2 years later, that's where I am. Still.

I live on a smallish, insular island where there just aren't a lot of musicians in the first place, and those that are around either play in several bands at once or have been in the same band for 10-15+ years. There are a few metalheads around, but the two genres I have no interest in are Metal and strictly cover/pub rock. The few musos here looking only want to be a cover band or a "classic rock" tribute band. I'd like to be in a blues, reggae, soul/R&B or folky indie band... But nothing is around. It's to the point again where I'm about ready to pack it up again, sell off my stuff and give it up again, since it's not that fun playing by yourself in your basement.

Does/has this happen to anyone else? When I was in my early 20's I could find any number of bands or even single musos to jam with just by walking around with my case.


I've been on Bandmix, I've posted on Craigslist, on another free classified Australian site, joined every facebook group in my area for musicians, gone to open mic nights to try and network, played at open mic nights, posted up old school flyers at the music shop, attend the monthly blues jam and every Jazz jam I can but no no luck. The few people I have jammed with were either basket cases, suddenly fell off the face of the earth, or despite telling me they didn't want to play metal covers they actually did.

This happened to anyone else?

 

[Riff Ranger]

Your current situation sounds a lot like my own, other than you possessing skill and me loving metal, haha.

Like me, you’re “good enough” on guitar, and you write. Home recording got really cheap and easy while we were out of the game. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to record the songs I should have recorded over the past quarter century, the way I want them done. Since making that my near-term goal, I have not really looked that hard for other musicians, and I find myself more excited about music than ever—even if it is largely upgrading gear, banging away, and twiddling knobs in my laundry room for the time being.

How long did it take you to finally stop buying new stuff, or are you still at it? A year and a half since diving back in, I think I finally have that under control, haha.

 

[Tazziedevil]

Your current situation sounds a lot like my own, other than you possessing skill and me loving metal, haha.

Like me, you’re “good enough” on guitar, and you write. Home recording got really cheap and easy while we were out of the game. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to record the songs I should have recorded over the past quarter century, the way I want them done. Since making that my near-term goal, I have not really looked that hard for other musicians, and I find myself more excited about music than ever—even if it is largely upgrading gear, banging away, and twiddling knobs in my laundry room for the time being.

How long did it take you to finally stop buying new stuff, or are you still at it? A year and a half since diving back in, I think I finally have that under control, haha.

Thats true, I have put down some VERY rough demos of my songs using Garageband and a gizmo to plug my stuff into. I might think about channeling more energy into that aspect for the near future.

I'm still buying new stuff. Do we ever really stop? Once I realised it wasn't a passing idea I got a fretless (I've always wanted one) and a gig-worthy amp. Going to get a P-Bass after Xmas and then.. who knows?

 

[rufus.K]

Maybe diversify as a player?

 

[Riff Ranger]

Thats true, I have put down some VERY rough demos of my songs using Garageband and a gizmo to plug my stuff into. I might think about channeling more energy into that aspect for the near future.

I'm still buying new stuff. Do we ever really stop? Once I realised it wasn't a passing idea I got a fretless (I've always wanted one) and a gig-worthy amp. Going to get a P-Bass after Xmas and then.. who knows?

At the moment, I have a few things I want to sell and not much I want to buy, but I literally just got there this week after a year and a half of grabbing new-to-me gear on the regular.

 

[Joe Nerve]

I always played with anybody and everybody who I felt had something going for them, regardless of the music they played. I got a few things out of that.

• Met LOTS of musicians who recommended me for other gigs.
• Really got to work on various aspects of my playing.
• Learned to deal and play with all kinds of personalities.
• Learned to love to play any kind of music.
• Learned to make money.
• Had lots of fun, and made lots of friends.

I think that when we want what we want and won't settle for anything else, we REALLY limit ourselves. If we meet enough musicians, we're responsible, play well, and are nice to others - all kinds of doors open. I feel fortunate, but I've also put a lot of time and commitment into my bass playing. Because of that I've gotten to play in all kinds of situations including touring bands, bands I was a fan of, my own band playing my own music, a few tributes of bands I love (zep, RHCP, Deep Purple), bands that make real money (my current band pays all my bills)... I've even gotten to perform with some well known musicians. And its not because I'm a great bass player, its because of the things I started this paragraph with .

My suggestion, in short, is to play with anyone and everyone - and learn to love it. By doing that, in time, you'll be able to create the band you want.

 

[Tazziedevil]

Maybe diversify as a player?

The only things I don't really want to play is pub rock covers or metal...

There actually is a large (relative to the population) metal scene here. Maybe @Monterey Bay-ss should take a trip down under!

 

[Riff Ranger]

@Tazziedevil now I want to hear all this Tasmanian metal, haha.

I have a cousin on your island who has played weird music for decades:

 

[Tazziedevil]

I always played with anybody and everybody who I felt had something going for them, regardless of the music they played. I got a few things out of that.

• Met LOTS of musicians who recommended me for other gigs.
• Really got to work on various aspects of my playing.
• Learned to deal and play with all kinds of personalities.
• Learned to love to play any kind of music.
• Learned to make money.
• Had lots of fun, and made lots of friends.

I think that when we want what we want and won't settle for anything else, we REALLY limit ourselves. If we meet enough musicians, we're responsible, play well, and are nice to others - all kinds of doors open. I feel fortunate, but I've also put a lot of time and commitment into my bass playing. Because of that I've gotten to play in all kinds of situations including touring bands, bands I was a fan of, my own band playing my own music, a few tributes of bands I love (zep, RHCP, Deep Purple), bands that make real money (my current band pays all my bills)... I've even gotten to perform with some well known musicians. And its not because I'm a great bass player, its because of the things I started this paragraph with .

My suggestion, in short, is to play with anyone and everyone - and learn to love it. By doing that, in time, you'll be able to create the band you want.

I think maybe I came across wrong in my original thread - I hope I didn't sound like "I'm too good to play with anyone or anything other than 'X' genre" - That's not really the case. I'd be open to playing with all sort of different people and things - What i'm more bemoaning is the amount of effort it's taking to find anyone to play with. Are there any more avenues you can recommend or things I haven't thought of?

-Tried Bandmix
-Tried Craigslist
-Tried posting in local Facebook musician groups
-created a facebook group specific to my area
-go to the monthly blues jam sessions and jam with the band/s there
-go the monthly jazz jam
-posted old school flyers in the music shops

 

[Tazziedevil]

@Tazziedevil now I want to hear all this Tasmanian metal, haha.

I have a cousin on your island who has played weird music for decades:

Is he your cousin? Seriously?

That's awesome, he's done a lot for the artistic direction os Tasmania the last 10 years.

Met him several times, nice guy

 

[Riff Ranger]

Is he your cousin? Seriously?

That's awesome, he's done a lot for the artistic direction os Tasmania the last 10 years.

Met him several times, nice guy

Yes, the Ritchies of Wisconsin (and our expatriates) are generally a musical, and bassy, bunch. Brian’s particularly talented and it’s good to see him recognized for it.

 

[3Liter]

.

I'm in my early 40's, Have a degree in music performance & jazz studies, so I’m not a total hack. I have played Professionally/semi pro for years when younger -

This forum seems to be rife with folks coming back to it after a break. I was never very accomplished as a player but have been back playing a bunch since 2012 and way better (and more knowledgeable than I ever was). Certain things scratch my itch for a whole and get stale. As a daytime job worker I have similar issues...demanding job, terrible commute, family life.

I have a band now that seems adrift. I don't really care. I'm tired of the organizing, scheduling, etc. If it collapses oh well. But I keep looking for something else with other people. It's very frustrating. I've got the job commute family to deal with and can't get to other towns on a weeknight to find a good match.

Then there's skills. I have some, always learning more. But I'll often see posts like yours (what I quoted) on Craiglist. Frankly that's intimidating. On the other hand the reality is that that's the kind of people I need to play with to up my game even more.

There's so much musical opportunity where I am but I cannot find a fit for myself. So I hear ya. Good luck.

 

[garp]

I think you're doing all the right things, so keep doing them. However, there are two additional tactics you may want to consider:

Have a degree in music performance & jazz studies, so I’m not a total hack. I have played Professionally/semi pro for years when younger - My main instrument has always been Bass (not surprisingly)

Does that experience include upright/double bass? The market for an upright player on a "small, insular island" may be close to nonexistent. But after decades of playing bass guitar, I finally took the plunge into upright by buying an inexpensive EUB and investing the time to develop rudimentary proficiency on it. That step open new doors for me, including jazz gigs.

those that are around either play in several bands at once or have been in the same band for 10-15+ years.

This suggests to me that there's a strong market for subs so bands don't have to cancel gigs based on availability of core players. Go to these gigs with printed business cards in-hand and pitch yourself as "Tasmania's Most Reliable Sub Bass Player."

 

[bfields]

No special insight here, just some random ideas:

- schools: are there any music departments in your area? Have you tried figuring out how to network there?
- take charge: sounds like you're looking to join a band. Wonder if it's worth trying to start your own instead? Maybe there's a few similarly discouraged people out there who share your tastes, and maybe that'd flush them out of the woodwork?
- pay sidemen: good musicians might be cheaper than you'd think. And ideally you'd then get to play what you want.
- give up and play a genre you dislike: I hate to pile on, but the reason people are picking up on this is it's the only one of your requirements that sounds kinda arbitrary. If you've already given the music an honest shot and still hated it, then fine, but if you just got an overdose from a college roommate or something--maybe if you went back and really gave it a hard listen, you'd find potential in there you hadn't noticed before?

My sympathies, and I hope you find a project that's rewarding for you!

 

[bbh]

Maybe you could ask around in some music stores or repair shop or builder. This might help expand your searchbase. Good luck and stick with it. In the meanwhile, I guess playing with recorded music or writing might be your best bet.

 

[RumbleMan3]

Im not in a situation that you are so its hard to give any advice, but I think doing a bit of home recording would be a good distraction until u find some people you enjoy playing with.

Hope you find what you're after!

 

[downunder]

I’m sorry to hear about your problems finding people to play with. It can be rough. I like jazz and I am fortunate to live in a city where there’s a lot of it. I got off the scene for a while raising my kid and trying to salvage some business ventures that were tanking. For me, getting back meant going out to the sessions and playing - and making sure I played well. My only advice is: if they’re playing music you like at the sessions don’t miss them. Go to every one. And make sure you do your job as a bass player and make them sound good. Or here’s an idea: book a gig and hire the guys you like. A lot of musicians want a quid pro quo. In other words they hire the guys who hire them.

 

[Kipp Harrington]

First off, not sure if this is the best sub forum for this or not, so Mods please feel free to move it if necessary.

This is a combination whinge/actual advice thread!


I'm in my early 40's, Have a degree in music performance & jazz studies, so I’m not a total hack. I have played Professionally/semi pro for years when younger - My main instrument has always been Bass (not surprisingly), but I also have some guitar skills, enough to play and sing some songs at parties and noodle around. I have written several songs in my time. I went into musical hibernation when my kids were born, my eldest is now 14 and youngest is 5. About 2 1/2 years ago I got this irresistible itch to get back into music seriously. I tuned up the bass, and once I realised it wasn't just a wild urge and upgraded basses, amps and after knocking the rust off my fingers began the search to find other people to play with.

2 years later, that's where I am. Still.

I live on a smallish, insular island where there just aren't a lot of musicians in the first place, and those that are around either play in several bands at once or have been in the same band for 10-15+ years. There are a few metalheads around, but the two genres I have no interest in are Metal and strictly cover/pub rock. The few musos here looking only want to be a cover band or a "classic rock" tribute band. I'd like to be in a blues, reggae, soul/R&B or folky indie band... But nothing is around. It's to the point again where I'm about ready to pack it up again, sell off my stuff and give it up again, since it's not that fun playing by yourself in your basement.

Does/has this happen to anyone else? When I was in my early 20's I could find any number of bands or even single musos to jam with just by walking around with my case.


I've been on Bandmix, I've posted on Craigslist, on another free classified Australian site, joined every facebook group in my area for musicians, gone to open mic nights to try and network, played at open mic nights, posted up old school flyers at the music shop, attend the monthly blues jam and every Jazz jam I can but no no luck. The few people I have jammed with were either basket cases, suddenly fell off the face of the earth, or despite telling me they didn't want to play metal covers they actually did.

This happened to anyone else?

Only been playing the bass a couple years. I've had a few opportunities. Most of those opportunities didn't work out because the "other guys" were either unprepared for rehearsals or had a chemical dependency. However, I think I may have shot myself in the foot on the most recent opportunity. I prejudged a band based on some of their set list choices... thinking the vox wouldn't even get close to where he needed to be vocally (Queen, Greta Van Fleet, Rainbow, Journey tunes) so I told him I changed my mind about auditioning. I recently checked out the band's past performance on FB and feel I probably squandered a good opportunity. I guess I am agreeing with Joe Nerve when he stated to take advantage of any and all opportunities. I feel like kind of a heel now after the making presumptions. Don't get discouraged... immerse yourself in music in some way, shape or form... in the long run, you'll be happier than if you didn't.

 

[RichardW]

When I was looking to get a band together, I asked my son's guitar teacher if he knew of any other adult students who might want to get together and jam. He did, and ten years later we are still gigging regularly.

 

[hennessybass]

Had some similar experience.

My advice... keep at it, and in the meantime, learn 2 sets of music on guitar, and go out as a solo act.

Make a web page, band name, book gigs, etc. Run your solo act like a proper organization. Make a book of charts. Play coffee shops, restaurants, happy hours, and whatever you can.

If you have your own thing going, people will want to join you.

IMO, most good players don’t want to do a start up, but if it’s already started up... “if you build it they will come.”

Grow the thing from there and make it what you want.

Maybe you find a guitar or key player and you can hop back over to bass.

Be ready to lead and sing songs from the bass then find players instead of trying to be a player.