Tribulations finding others to play with

[mdogs]

Then there's skills. I have some, always learning more. But I'll often see posts like yours (what I quoted) on Craiglist. Frankly that's intimidating. On the other hand the reality is that that's the kind of people I need to play with to up my game even more.

There's so much musical opportunity where I am but I cannot find a fit for myself. So I hear ya. Good luck.

Truth? You should not be intimidated by people of Craigslist. Don't get me wrong, it is a valid place to find people to play with and I have found a couple of bands and fill in work that way. But, I would say that the vast majority of the people I have come across on there do not live up to the crap they post, most don't even come close. I am pretty selective about the people I play with, at this point in my life, music is too much work for me to not have fun doing it. Take a chance with some of those people who look intimidating, do your work to make sure they are not a deranged psychopath with a serious drug addiction. What is the worst that is going to happen? Ok, the worst that has happened to me is that I was stalked by a guy looking to play "Stevie Ray Vaughn note for note." I told him on a number of occasions, that it was irrelevant whether I could or not, I seriously doubted that he could...never heard him actually play.

 

[sqlb3rn]

Yes, I'm in the same boat and have more or less given up on bands. Sometimes the only solution is to uproot your family and move to a different city, play hack music you don't enjoy with flaky people, or just be content playing an instrument by yourself for the fun of it. I could join dudes playing music I don't like, but the juice isn't worth the squeeze for me... as someone who is married and doesn't drink and likes to be in bed by 10. A lot of people play in churches but that ain't my bag either. I wouldn't mind playing something in a classical orchestra, but that ship has probably sailed for me, however you have training so maybe that's something to consider. I have found starting my own band is way more difficult than joining someone else's band.

I have fun by writing and recording my own music, and occasionally learning a cover. I have a whole stack of gigging-level gear I don't need, but it sounds great to plug in and rock the house and keeps me wanting to pick up my instruments and play. I still want a nice 7 string multi scale guitar I don't need, and would love to play a Dingwall. But I'm pretty happy with my pedalboard setup and guitar amp... and probably won't be buying/selling anything there. I'm not a collector and only want something if it fills a purpose.

Playing your own music should always be fun... provided you don't have writer's block. It's been a life long hobby, so no point in stopping now. If playing in a band is something you want to do... all you can do is just keep trying, however long it takes is what it takes.

If you hold on to your gear, at least you will be ready when you see that ad on craigslist one day. If you sell it off you officially gave up and won't have anything to jam if you see an opportunity. You might also try local facebook groups. In my area they mostly just spam their bar gigs, but you never know. The facebook groups at least give me a venue to upload my recordings and have a couple people actually listen to my work... just be sure to return the favor. Just saw you already tried the facebook thing.

 

[Tnavis]

This is very similar to my own situation over the last 5 years; i've spent a lot of time looking around for the perfect combination of people and music, and I just haven't found it. I've certainly come close (see my signature for the band I just left), but in that case it also just didn't work out for a variety of reasons.

I used to say that I would love to make music a full time career, and I honestly don't believe that anymore, especially with how much different that scenario is compared to what it was like when I was in my twenties (i'm in my 40's now as well). Now, I enjoy playing music as a hobby that I am very serious about, and i'd rather spend that time with other people who are equally as serious about it.

While waiting for that to happen (and understanding it might not), i'm focusing on becoming a better bassist, writing original music and having fun with it, recording covers (for years, a group of friends and I have had a "cover song challenge" between us where we come up with some scenario and then record songs), and most recently, working on bass transcriptions and starting to record song playthroughs.

It can get frustrating, but stick with it. Eventually, the right fit will come, or what you are looking for will change for the situation. Good luck!

 

[BluesWalker]

“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might get what you need”

 

[Holdsg]

I've ranted before on here how tough it is to find good people to play with. It takes lots of patience, and sometimes a little luck. I think it's a universal thing, based on other's replies on here.

 

[TWolf]

I'm in the same boat as many on this thread.
What I've come to realize is that the problem with being in a band is that you have to depend on other people.
And (musically, at least) that rarely seems to work out.

 

[JRA]

if it was really easy = everyone would be doing it. you'd have to compete with savants.

if you quit = it's over.

don't quit.

good luck!

 

[glocke1]

First off, not sure if this is the best sub forum for this or not, so Mods please feel free to move it if necessary.

This is a combination whinge/actual advice thread!


I'm in my early 40's, Have a degree in music performance & jazz studies, so I’m not a total hack. I have played Professionally/semi pro for years when younger - My main instrument has always been Bass (not surprisingly), but I also have some guitar skills, enough to play and sing some songs at parties and noodle around. I have written several songs in my time. I went into musical hibernation when my kids were born, my eldest is now 14 and youngest is 5. About 2 1/2 years ago I got this irresistible itch to get back into music seriously. I tuned up the bass, and once I realised it wasn't just a wild urge and upgraded basses, amps and after knocking the rust off my fingers began the search to find other people to play with.

2 years later, that's where I am. Still.

I live on a smallish, insular island where there just aren't a lot of musicians in the first place, and those that are around either play in several bands at once or have been in the same band for 10-15+ years. There are a few metalheads around, but the two genres I have no interest in are Metal and strictly cover/pub rock. The few musos here looking only want to be a cover band or a "classic rock" tribute band. I'd like to be in a blues, reggae, soul/R&B or folky indie band... But nothing is around. It's to the point again where I'm about ready to pack it up again, sell off my stuff and give it up again, since it's not that fun playing by yourself in your basement.

Does/has this happen to anyone else? When I was in my early 20's I could find any number of bands or even single musos to jam with just by walking around with my case.


I've been on Bandmix, I've posted on Craigslist, on another free classified Australian site, joined every facebook group in my area for musicians, gone to open mic nights to try and network, played at open mic nights, posted up old school flyers at the music shop, attend the monthly blues jam and every Jazz jam I can but no no luck. The few people I have jammed with were either basket cases, suddenly fell off the face of the earth, or despite telling me they didn't want to play metal covers they actually did.

This happened to anyone else?

I've had similar issues in the past. It took me a long time to find a band that plays stuff Im interested in and there were times where i purged gear out of frustration. Sadly that band I've found also comes with a lot of baggage and issues. I've tried to ignore most of it but cannot do so for much longer..I've got a recent post about it in this forum actually.

My other musical interest is Jazz. Always sucked at it, always wanted to get better, just could never find any players that were at my level that wanted to work on stuff.
Finally said screw it and now Im taking trips up to Manhattan to play the stuff..Oddly enough what I didn't find down here in PA I've found up there...A community of musicians who are supportive and nurturing towards those who are interested in playing jazz. Downside is it's roughly a 2 hour commute (hour ride to the train station, another hour train ride), but it's worth it.

Two points Im trying to make here:
1) If you want to play music, there are sacrifices to be made, some of these are playing stuff you may not be interested in, and some are being in situations that try your patience.

2) To play stuff you want to play, you may need to travel. You said you live on an island. Any ferries to transport you to the mainland that may have more of a music scene?

 

[Tazziedevil]

Does that experience include upright/double bass? The market for an upright player on a "small, insular island" may be close to nonexistent. But after decades of playing bass guitar, I finally took the plunge into upright by buying an inexpensive EUB and investing the time to develop rudimentary proficiency on it. That step open new doors for me, including jazz gigs.
This suggests to me that there's a strong market for subs so bands don't have to cancel gigs based on availability of core players. Go to these gigs with printed business cards in-hand and pitch yourself as "Tasmania's Most Reliable Sub Bass Player."

It does include upright bass - I was quite proficient at UB back in my college days, but that was a long time ago and haven't really done anything since. I'd have to get one and get up to scratch (which is not the worst idea TBH). There are a few jazz combos around as well as some folksy/roots type things that use a double bass, but like I mentioned above It's the same same three people playing in all the bands. The one gigging jazz combo are in their early 50's and have known and been playing with each other since they were in high school.

 

[Tazziedevil]

No special insight here, just some random ideas:

- schools: are there any music departments in your area? Have you tried figuring out how to network there?
- take charge: sounds like you're looking to join a band. Wonder if it's worth trying to start your own instead? Maybe there's a few similarly discouraged people out there who share your tastes, and maybe that'd flush them out of the woodwork?
- pay sidemen: good musicians might be cheaper than you'd think. And ideally you'd then get to play what you want.
- give up and play a genre you dislike: I hate to pile on, but the reason people are picking up on this is it's the only one of your requirements that sounds kinda arbitrary. If you've already given the music an honest shot and still hated it, then fine, but if you just got an overdose from a college roommate or something--maybe if you went back and really gave it a hard listen, you'd find potential in there you hadn't noticed before?

My sympathies, and I hope you find a project that's rewarding for you!

-Just the University, from what I can tell don't have any night classes so can't really do that with kids, mortgage, etc.

-Paying Sidemen is an interesting idea - one I hadn't really thought of until now. I'm not really interested in "making money" per se, so if I could book a paying gig and pay the band from the proceeds that might work...

 

[Tazziedevil]

Two points Im trying to make here:
1) If you want to play music, there are sacrifices to be made, some of these are playing stuff you may not be interested in, and some are being in situations that try your patience.

2) To play stuff you want to play, you may need to travel. You said you live on an island. Any ferries to transport you to the mainland that may have more of a music scene?

1- I'm learning this. <Insert old man yells at cloud meme here> Back when I was younger this sort of thing wasn't a problem. I could find jam sessions, bands seeking, sideman spots, etc and didn't even have to look. They were just sort of... there. Doesn't seem to be that way anymore. Is it me or has the entire music jam scene changed?

2- I'm not sure how feasible that is on a regular basis- no "ferries" per se, It's an hour 20 mins plane ride to Melbourne, or slightly longer to Sydney. Both have thriving music scenes of every genre but with kids and a job makes it difficult to do on a regular basis.

incidently, lots of musicians do the opposite and come down from the mainland to Tazzie to play gigs - I've made a few enquiries with some of them to introduce myself and offer my services if they need a bass player on their next trip. That might bear some fruit!

 

[landrybass]

I always played with anybody and everybody who I felt had something going for them, regardless of the music they played. I got a few things out of that.

• Met LOTS of musicians who recommended me for other gigs.
• Really got to work on various aspects of my playing.
• Learned to deal and play with all kinds of personalities.
• Learned to love to play any kind of music.
• Learned to make money.
• Had lots of fun, and made lots of friends.

I think that when we want what we want and won't settle for anything else, we REALLY limit ourselves. If we meet enough musicians, we're responsible, play well, and are nice to others - all kinds of doors open. I feel fortunate, but I've also put a lot of time and commitment into my bass playing. Because of that I've gotten to play in all kinds of situations including touring bands, bands I was a fan of, my own band playing my own music, a few tributes of bands I love (zep, RHCP, Deep Purple), bands that make real money (my current band pays all my bills)... I've even gotten to perform with some well known musicians. And its not because I'm a great bass player, its because of the things I started this paragraph with .

My suggestion, in short, is to play with anyone and everyone - and learn to love it. By doing that, in time, you'll be able to create the band you want.

What’s some advice for playing with people who have a really hard time playing IN time? I can’t seem to find anybody who doesn’t rush or drag. Do you adjust to the tempo drifts or do you inform them they are out of time? I’ve tried the second, it doesn’t seem to work, so I’m usually stuck with the first.

 

[vvvmmm]

I can relate to this thread for sure. My main issue is finding folks that want to play anything outside of covers. I mean, I'm willing to play band-arranged covers, to be inna jam band, to play originals (I write) - I'm just not interested in being the guy who knows the solos note-for-note (on guitar) or otherwise imitate. Kudos to those who do but ...

I live in the burbs of a major US city; when I lived in the city, opportunity was everywhere, but out here - of course, it is 20 years later.

 

[dr doofie]

I think maybe I came across wrong in my original thread - I hope I didn't sound like "I'm too good to play with anyone or anything other than 'X' genre" - That's not really the case. I'd be open to playing with all sort of different people and things - What i'm more bemoaning is the amount of effort it's taking to find anyone to play with. Are there any more avenues you can recommend or things I haven't thought of?

-Tried Bandmix
-Tried Craigslist
-Tried posting in local Facebook musician groups
-created a facebook group specific to my area
-go to the monthly blues jam sessions and jam with the band/s there
-go the monthly jazz jam
-posted old school flyers in the music shops

Sounds like you’ve branched out as best you can both geographically and technologically...
I think JoeNerve’s situation was a bit different, if he lived in NYC at the time he was hustling up.
You’re on an island, it would be hard. (Yes I realize NYC is a group of islands as well)
What are your kids into? Do they like to play? If they see you doing something you love maybe they would want to get involved.
I only say that cause I wish I had done that more with mine; I could have had my own band by now.

 

[MCF]

@Tazziedevil now I want to hear all this Tasmanian metal, haha.

I have a cousin on your island who has played weird music for decades:

I like it! A bit Jonathon Richman meets Weezer. Very cool.

 

[bfields]

-Just the University, from what I can tell don't have any night classes so can't really do that with kids, mortgage, etc.

Yeah, understood, I wasn't suggesting classes so much as finding out if there's a department hangout, a bulletin board for advertising gigs, if they ever have a need to bring in an outside bass player for school productions, etc.

-Paying Sidemen is an interesting idea - one I hadn't really thought of until now. I'm not really interested in "making money" per se, so if I could book a paying gig and pay the band from the proceeds that might work...

I've got a friend who's been doing this and having a great time. He's retired, the kids are independent, etc., and I don't know if breaking even is even a goal for him at this point, but he gets to play his music that way he wants with good musicians.

 

[juancaminos]

I've come back after a break and haven't been able to get a stage band going. Lots of garage, studio, rehearsal situations. So....resurrecting the old band after a five or so years of one or two gigs a year. Going to be a variety show with acoustic, rock, blues, folk, etc. We had a great reputation just got burned out. Our drummer is in Colorado, our front man travels for work and I work swing shift now. It will be a challenge but we are all in our 60's and no one is banging on our individual doors to play. We all agree that time is running away. So ay least I have that. Good luck to the OP.

 

[rtav]

I feel your pain.

I quit my last band in 2016 and have yet to find another one, but then I''m really looking for a very narrow and soooo-not-mainstream genre that requires players to have their chops, so I'm shooting myself in the foot (but hey, it's my bullet and my foot).

I've jammed with a few people, done a couple of DAW projects, gotten a few offers that weren't a good fit and so Im on my own.

I have zero interest in gigging, and I don't want to make a dime - I'm in it for the music and the chance to play with really good musicians.

To try and help the cause, I started a Youtube channel, run Craigslist ads and ads in Facebook groups of various kinds for literal months, done Bandcamp, and started a website.

I'm not ENTIRELY inflexible - I'd love to start a Dream Theater tribute band, or a prog/prog metal band with originals and some covers, or a prog/prog metal cover band covering a bit of everything, or jump on any number of tribute band stuff - Genesis, Rush, etc.

Since I'm in it for the music alone, there's no compromise in genre as I don't want to play anything else and don't enjoy playing anything else (my bullet, my foot).


I was hoping that in a city the size of Chicago I would have had a bit more success than I've seen, but most of the people playing this stuff (prog and prog metal) I already know or have played with at some point, and are tied up with other stuff.


To the OP: Good luck to you!

 

[jamro217]

It sounds like you have three problems: 1.) location 2.) location 3.) location. Being on a sparsely populated remote island isn't conducive to forming a band. The more intelligent and eclectic the music, the harder it becomes. Barring relocating to a city on the mainland, you may be able to form a virtual band online. Hope this helps.

 

[comatosedragon]

First off, not sure if this is the best sub forum for this or not, so Mods please feel free to move it if necessary.

This is a combination whinge/actual advice thread!


I'm in my early 40's, Have a degree in music performance & jazz studies, so I’m not a total hack. I have played Professionally/semi pro for years when younger - My main instrument has always been Bass (not surprisingly), but I also have some guitar skills, enough to play and sing some songs at parties and noodle around. I have written several songs in my time. I went into musical hibernation when my kids were born, my eldest is now 14 and youngest is 5. About 2 1/2 years ago I got this irresistible itch to get back into music seriously. I tuned up the bass, and once I realised it wasn't just a wild urge and upgraded basses, amps and after knocking the rust off my fingers began the search to find other people to play with.

2 years later, that's where I am. Still.

I live on a smallish, insular island where there just aren't a lot of musicians in the first place, and those that are around either play in several bands at once or have been in the same band for 10-15+ years. There are a few metalheads around, but the two genres I have no interest in are Metal and strictly cover/pub rock. The few musos here looking only want to be a cover band or a "classic rock" tribute band. I'd like to be in a blues, reggae, soul/R&B or folky indie band... But nothing is around. It's to the point again where I'm about ready to pack it up again, sell off my stuff and give it up again, since it's not that fun playing by yourself in your basement.

Does/has this happen to anyone else? When I was in my early 20's I could find any number of bands or even single musos to jam with just by walking around with my case.


I've been on Bandmix, I've posted on Craigslist, on another free classified Australian site, joined every facebook group in my area for musicians, gone to open mic nights to try and network, played at open mic nights, posted up old school flyers at the music shop, attend the monthly blues jam and every Jazz jam I can but no no luck. The few people I have jammed with were either basket cases, suddenly fell off the face of the earth, or despite telling me they didn't want to play metal covers they actually did.

This happened to anyone else?

Sounds a little bit like me. I started taking bass seriously in 2014 (after having owned basses since 1997). So I have been playing by myself for the past 5 years, trying to get better. I use Rocksmith a lot (whatever your personal thoughts on the software, it is a good tool for learning muscle memory if nothing else). I too have posted on CL and Bandmix, with no results.

I too am early 40's (41 in a month). So finding people my own age to play with is a problem. And most of the people my age assume I have been doing this my whole life and just automatically I think I am on the same level as them. People my age don't want to work with someone who is still learning. Every single person/group I have talked to have always given me some excuse why they won't play with me, before meeting me. And (most) younger people have vastly different goals/ideas than me. Geography plays a much larger part in finding bandmates than most people are willing to admit. I'm just pointing out a fact here, but the people who always post "just get out and play with someone! anyone!" are more than likely living in California USA, New York USA, or some other large metropolitan center.