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Turning down a band politely

#21
Your reply was succinct, definitive, and kind. Kindness is a virtue and unfortunately seems to be declining. Your response checks all those boxes and didn't even require the little lies that are ok in that sort of exchange, but can also lead to confusion. ("I really like your sound but..." sort of thing that might give false encouragement or leave an opening for them to try to convince you to change your mind.)
 
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#22
This may be sort of an IRL Band Management.

… Huh huh huh hu-uh huh
Huh huh huh hu-uh huh

Invalid Link Removed

"A Capitola woman has gone missing and Bay Area detectives say her ex-rock musician boyfriend is not cooperating with the investigation.

Alice “Alyx” Kamakaokalani Herrmann, 61, was last seen on Dec. 3 in Santa Cruz, and her worried family members reported her missing on Dec. 12 after Herrmann failed to get in touch for over a week. While searching for her, investigators in El Cerrito allegedly discovered her red 2007 Toyota Highlander parked in front of her boyfriend's home. Police identified that man as Theobald "Theo" Brooks Lengyel, 54, of El Cerrito...

Lengyel was a founding member of the funk-metal band Mr. Bungle, which was started by a group of Humboldt County high schoolers. Together with Mike Patton, Trey Spruance, Trevor Dunn and several other rotating members, Lengyel had a nearly 10-year run with the band from 1985 to the mid-1990s, primarily playing saxophone. In a 2005 Q&A, Dunn said Lengyel left the band on bad terms.

"We unanimously decided to go on without him because he wasn't growing with the rest of the band and we were running out of things for him to do. He got pissed off and I haven't heard from him since," Dunn wrote in response to a fan question.""​

I think the '80s kind of broke some of our brains.

 
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#23
MultiScaleMale said:
I'm looking for a band with little success, all other bands, I've just fallen into the right circumstance at the right time. Not lately, so I did the unthinkable and posted a bassist available thread in the local Maryland Musicians Wanted FB page. Not expecting much there, but quickly got a hit from someone that's looking for a bassist for their group with a drummer and clarinet player. Uh, nah, would rather sell all my gear and take up photography. But he kept sending me links of his music, which he was probably proud of so I needed to come up with a polite "Thanks, but no thanks". It was:

"We're on different musical journeys. I don't think there is a mutual fit. Thanks for sharing!"

What's your nice way of saying "Hell no!"?
Click to expand...
"Thanks, but I'm going in a different direction"
 
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#24
Background: I ran a CL ad saying I was looking for a working band. At the audition, I learned they hadn't played out in a year, and had nothing on their calendar for the foreseeable future. Thus:

"Your singer is really good, and he's written some very appealing songs. I'm just an old mercenary looking to make a few bucks playing club dates. Do put me on your mailing list, I'd love to come see you guys do your thing."
 
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#25
MultiScaleMale said:
I'm looking for a band with little success, all other bands, I've just fallen into the right circumstance at the right time. Not lately, so I did the unthinkable and posted a bassist available thread in the local Maryland Musicians Wanted FB page. Not expecting much there, but quickly got a hit from someone that's looking for a bassist for their group with a drummer and clarinet player. Uh, nah, would rather sell all my gear and take up photography. But he kept sending me links of his music, which he was probably proud of so I needed to come up with a polite "Thanks, but no thanks". It was:

"We're on different musical journeys. I don't think there is a mutual fit. Thanks for sharing!"

What's your nice way of saying "Hell no!"?
Click to expand...

I’m a little more blunt. “I’m sorry, this is not the type of musical project I’m looking for at this time. Thank you much for responding. Best wishes.”

I’ve used this with head hunters quite often with great success, but I think your response might be a little better.
 
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#27
Not what I'm looking for, best of luck.

Now that being said, I've had a few guys press me for details after that

At that point the gloves are off.

One was: you guys sent me a 5 song album of original material you recorded and only knew how to play 1 song and I could play that song better, your drummer couldn't keep time, and of the 3 hours I was their the lead guitarist spent two hours getting high

Other one was: nobody is going to pay to listen to deep cuts and b sides of obscure 80s thrash bands
 
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#28
I started getting back into gigging about a year ago, so was out of touch with folks in the community. I did the same thing of posting on FB group. Most people are cool with "I don't think I'm a fit for you guys", but I've had a couple want reasons why. So I'm honest, with some tact. Artists are temperamental, they get their feelings hurt easily sometimes.
 
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#30
Slightly different circumstances, but:
My former bass teacher (an old metalhead with a, um, "Lemmy-like" interest in old military uniforms if one assumes the best - and you probably shouldn't in his case) told me he used this when asked by the crummy punk band on his block what he thought:

"I liked some of the notes you guys played."

Always thought that was the perfect combo of being both technically honest and brutal at the same time. "I'm a big C# guy. Heard that one a couple times in there."
 
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#31
MultiScaleMale said:
I'm looking for a band with little success, all other bands, I've just fallen into the right circumstance at the right time. Not lately, so I did the unthinkable and posted a bassist available thread in the local Maryland Musicians Wanted FB page. Not expecting much there, but quickly got a hit from someone that's looking for a bassist for their group with a drummer and clarinet player. Uh, nah, would rather sell all my gear and take up photography. But he kept sending me links of his music, which he was probably proud of so I needed to come up with a polite "Thanks, but no thanks". It was:

"We're on different musical journeys. I don't think there is a mutual fit. Thanks for sharing!"

What's your nice way of saying "Hell no!"?
Click to expand...
I would probably say something like:
"What you guys are doing is unique and musically interesting but I don't think I'm the right fit for you at this time. I'm looking for some a little more (classic rock, blues, jazz or whatever genre you like) oriented. Best of luck, though."
 
#34
The title made me think, “politely asking a band to turn the volume down (because they aren’t that great)”
While that’s not exactly the thread, it’s not far afield from the topic…

the stories are great! The only time I turned down a band (not that I’ve been requested too often) was when I was moving to across the pacific. Likely wasn’t going to work out.
 
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#37
I’d offer up some variation of, “Sorry, but it wouldn't be at all up my alley without more traditional rock/pop/soul instrumentation. You clearly seek someone more musically adventurous than I am. Good luck in your search.”

However, your response gets right to the point. By most popular standards, the mix he is proposing is peculiar.

On the other hand, I might ask him how many gigs he has lined up. Ultimately, the goal IS to make some money playing for people. And THAT’S a lot easier to get blunt about.
 
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#38
I went to some auditions for a band. During a break at the second one, I asked the drummer and guitar player - don't you hear that he's (singer) frequently off-key? They mumbled for a second and shrugged their shoulders. Before the 3rd session I called the guitar player, my main contact, and told him I wasn't feeling it. He said something like "yeah; ok" and that was it.
 

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