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Turning down a band politely

#61
MultiScaleMale said:
I'm looking for a band with little success, all other bands, I've just fallen into the right circumstance at the right time. Not lately, so I did the unthinkable and posted a bassist available thread in the local Maryland Musicians Wanted FB page. Not expecting much there, but quickly got a hit from someone that's looking for a bassist for their group with a drummer and clarinet player. Uh, nah, would rather sell all my gear and take up photography. But he kept sending me links of his music, which he was probably proud of so I needed to come up with a polite "Thanks, but no thanks". It was:

"We're on different musical journeys. I don't think there is a mutual fit. Thanks for sharing!"

What's your nice way of saying "Hell no!"?
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”you guys sound great, but I don’t think it’s a good fit for me.” is a kind and fair way to do it.

only danger is, some people can’t handle rejection, no matter how you phrase it

Like this singer that reached out one time. I responded with a “you sound great but not what we’re looking for”, and he responded “BULL$&@t!!” and stalked me for a while with unhinged emails full of insults. :roflmao:
 
#65
The responses from my CL "bass available" ads show that few actually read the particulars I'm looking for... from musical styles to gig availability to samples of their playing (which I'll reciprocate with mine if there's potential) being a requirement to be considered.
I'll just respond with a "This is not what I'm looking to do.".
 
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#68
51PRI said:
I would probably say something like:
"What you guys are doing is unique and musically interesting but I don't think I'm the right fit for you at this time. I'm looking for some a little more (classic rock, blues, jazz or whatever genre you like) oriented. Best of luck, though."
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richntiff said:
Be kind, that's the most important thing. Also, don't be apologetic or self-effacing in your response so that it opens up a door for them to say 'well, what if we did THIS - then would you come and play?' - that stuff just gets more and more awkward. Be kind but shut the door. I think the OP's response was great.
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I thin richntiff is correct and that’s why I would leave out the bolded part. Don’t give them an opportunity to start negotiating and trying to entice you. You know damned well they won’t follow through.
 
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#69
MultiScaleMale said:
I'm looking for a band with little success, all other bands, I've just fallen into the right circumstance at the right time. Not lately, so I did the unthinkable and posted a bassist available thread in the local Maryland Musicians Wanted FB page. Not expecting much there, but quickly got a hit from someone that's looking for a bassist for their group with a drummer and clarinet player. Uh, nah, would rather sell all my gear and take up photography. But he kept sending me links of his music, which he was probably proud of so I needed to come up with a polite "Thanks, but no thanks". It was:

"We're on different musical journeys. I don't think there is a mutual fit. Thanks for sharing!"

What's your nice way of saying "Hell no!"?
Click to expand...
I had a guy I played with decades ago phone me, asking me to play acoustic guitar in his coffeehouse gig. He said “you’re the best guitarist I know”.

But I know my limitations. I replied “I appreciate the offer and the compliment. But I’m exactly the wrong guitarist for your gig. I’m an electric lead player where guitar is concerned. You need a great acoustic guitarist, someone who does it all the time and has the “stone fingers” one gets from that.”
 
#75
Not to the OP, I get your point, you handle it right ignoring unsavory comments. But even if they were bad, should they not play music? When did music become a contest? And y'all wonder why no one wants to go to shows or play shows these days...

Y'all never heard of Klezmer I guess if you think Clarinet can't work also...

Also don't think OP response is wrong, just some these comments you guys are so quick to judge with words before your ears. Little bit of kindness is OK especially if it is a hobby for fun.

:rollno:
 
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#78
perfektspace6 said:
I think you handled it well OP although I am not a fan of the word "journey." Everything seems to be described as a journey lately. Spiritual journey. Fitness journey etc. It just rubs me the wrong way.
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I feel the same way about the term "journey". It's the same with the term "my truth". Oh I hate that new age stuff. They make things appear bigger and grander and more important than they actually are in reality.
 
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#79
MultiScaleMale said:
I needed to come up with a polite "Thanks, but no thanks". It was:

"We're on different musical journeys. I don't think there is a mutual fit. Thanks for sharing!"
Click to expand...
I think your response was pretty spot-on.

I try to be gentle, but definitive - "Thank you, but I'm really picky and this isn't quite what I'm looking for"
If the band is good, but unrealistic, I'll go with "I don't have the time necessary to perform this music on the level it deserves"
 
#80
Not to put too fine a point on it, but the last thing anyone looking for action on a music scene needs is to get bogged down in a project that will never get out of the basement. And forgive me if I’m wrong, but from a distance, clarinet-bass-drums totally has that look about it.
 
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