I think I would have asked if the clarinetist was an overall Reedsman, I filled in with this local group and the doc was a true reedsman(Tenor/alto sax, clarinet, and flute), when he pulled that clarinet out he was just wailing, we're talking Benny Goodman good... I was suitably impressed, unfortunately it was just a fill in for a few months while the bassist recovered from something. It was big fun!
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Turning down a band politely
- Thread starter MultiScaleMale
- Start date
I think I would have asked if the clarinetist was an overall Reedsman, I filled in with this local group and the doc was a true reedsman(Tenor/alto sax, clarinet, and flute), when he pulled that clarinet out he was just wailing, we're talking Benny Goodman good... I was suitably impressed, unfortunately it was just a fill in for a few months while the bassist recovered from something. It was big fun!
Why is this so complicated that excuses, justifications or sugar-coated phrases need to be invented? Just “thanks, it’s not really what I was looking for”, maybe optionally throw in a “best of luck with it”.
"I would love to play with your band, but I draw the line at music I hate: blues, country, top 40, glam, punk, and anything with a blast beat."
This would deter any band within a hundred miles.
This would deter any band within a hundred miles.
My general rule is that if I dont know, or know of a person, there is a reason.
It should end there, pretty much.
However, recently, a friend asked me if I'd talk to someone they knew. This is too often a big mistake because they've circumvented your rule.
You are now into the land of randoms, crackpots or just delusional. All of which need you to extradite yourself from pdq.
Hopefully you can do this politely, but sometimes thats too subtle.
Upset a band recently because I pointed out to the guy who is never wrong, the chord he was playing was wrong.
Also they were playing a verse where the original had a pretty neat re play on the chords for a chorus
But even when we checked on the phone, they couldn't hear it and just shugged thats how they've always played it. All the chord and harmony players...fcs..!!
And just for good measure as to how well that all went, I told them a resolving chord was a D7...and they said why do bass players even know what a D7 is..
And finally, subs do what they are told because they are only a Sub...
So add completely devoid of ears to it and they should all take up photography.
Rant over..
It should end there, pretty much.
However, recently, a friend asked me if I'd talk to someone they knew. This is too often a big mistake because they've circumvented your rule.
You are now into the land of randoms, crackpots or just delusional. All of which need you to extradite yourself from pdq.
Hopefully you can do this politely, but sometimes thats too subtle.
Upset a band recently because I pointed out to the guy who is never wrong, the chord he was playing was wrong.
Also they were playing a verse where the original had a pretty neat re play on the chords for a chorus
But even when we checked on the phone, they couldn't hear it and just shugged thats how they've always played it. All the chord and harmony players...fcs..!!
And just for good measure as to how well that all went, I told them a resolving chord was a D7...and they said why do bass players even know what a D7 is..
And finally, subs do what they are told because they are only a Sub...
So add completely devoid of ears to it and they should all take up photography.
Rant over..
Last band offer that I turned down I simply said "Thanks, but I'm just not hearing how I can contribute to the sound of the band in ways that would be satisfying to me while remaining true to your vision."
Stop answering and block the email address. I posted a drums wanted ad once for an R&B/Funk/Soul band I was in at the time and I knew just about everybody in my area and got nothing but responses from all the cats I DID NOT WANT for the band. Boy the emails came in fast and furious. None of them played the genre and had zero experience. All rock guys. I ended up saying we found our guy and thanks for replying.
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A good friend of mine (guitarist) said his stock response in these situations is "Sorry, it's not my cup of tea." No elaboration, no long drawn out excuses or explanations, no letting-them-down-gently or Tough Love...just "Sorry, it's not my cup of tea."
I need to learn to be so terse.
I agree with no elaboration or drawn out excuses/explanations needed. It helps to remind myself that 1. It's people pleasing and, as such, it's disingenuous, 2. Nobody cares, and 3. Politely getting right to it is the respectful thing to do.
Though I'm not sure your friend was being terse with it's definition including being abrupt.
And while I like "not my cup of tea", I'd probably shorten it to "not my thing" because that's how I talk.
And rather than that being too terse, I'd probably precede it by saying something like, "With all due respect..." rather than "sorry", and follow it with "...Thanks for your time and consideration - I wish you all the best."
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I mistakenly read your first sentence incorrectly. I thought you were looking for a band that has had little success.
A bass, drum, and clarinet outfit would probably fit the bill. 
that's the only kind of band I seem to find anymore! Happy New Year. May you find a yacht rock band in Clarksville or a hair band in Essex.
I try to give as little reason as possible. Most intelligent folk understand the dance and that what you are saying is just you being polite.
Some are thick, though, and understand anything positive you say (the music is nice, I like the playing, the song 3 was catchy) as an encouragement and a way to try to lure you in some more. Then they proceed to send you more stuff, other you with questions, make various alternative offers and generally become obnoxious and embarrassing. In other words, any reason given is a possible grounds for speculation/debate, except with people who understand social interactions and assume that your reasons given are not the reasons held but jut you being nice.
Very long time ago I pretty much had to resort to "Hearing your band just gave me cancer" kind of treatment to get a rid of a guy who would not take a hint.
Some are thick, though, and understand anything positive you say (the music is nice, I like the playing, the song 3 was catchy) as an encouragement and a way to try to lure you in some more. Then they proceed to send you more stuff, other you with questions, make various alternative offers and generally become obnoxious and embarrassing. In other words, any reason given is a possible grounds for speculation/debate, except with people who understand social interactions and assume that your reasons given are not the reasons held but jut you being nice.
Very long time ago I pretty much had to resort to "Hearing your band just gave me cancer" kind of treatment to get a rid of a guy who would not take a hint.
