Two bassists may be one too many

[40Hz]

Bands with wives in them always favor the wives regardless of skill of all players in the equation.

That's understandable.

If it's a tossup between having the person you're sharing a life and roof with feeling betrayed and resentful - or having somebody you see maybe one night a week for three or four hours feeling the same way - it doesn't take very long to decide who you're gonna side with. The math in the equation is too powerful to ignore.

FWIW, I've learned it's generally not a good idea to get on the bad side of any woman if you can reasonably avoid it. Because if there's even one angry or unhappy woman in the room, nobody in that room is going to be smiling. At least from my own experiences with such women.

 

[troy mcclure]

This lasted way too long... I would have been gone after the 1st rehearsal that they said someone filled in so they could rehearse. I went through something nowhere near as weird recently and I bailed. In a side project, the drummer could;t make it to rehearsal so I said no drummer no rehearsal. The KBD player said her husband would play drums that night... I said no. This was a tribute act and the drummer had all the parts down and they wanted to rehearse for the benefit of the guitar. I said let him practice at home, I am not wasting a night for him to get up to speed. I got booted, the drummer got booted and the band folded. It happens.

 

[singlemalt]

Two bassists can be killer.
Check out Dumpstaphunk, or Ned's Atomic Dustbin.

Here's the catch, you need two musicians (who just happen to both play bass) who play well together.

Not a beginner trying to double your lines. (If it's not too hard).
I lose my mind in under twelve bars if I have a keyboard player wandering in my territory.

My red flag went up when you said "wife".

Boing, boing, boing! Bounce!

 

[FunkBear]

At least cover Big Bottom before you leave the band.

 

[Milo Spleen]

Opinions please....

I started in a band a couple years ago. Me on bass, a dude on guitar and his wife as singer. Another guitar and a drummer. Material includes Metallica, Soundgarden, Petty, Alice In Chains, Hendrix,,etc.... also originals....you get the idea. We played one gig during this time as rehearsal time is difficult and we replaced a drummer recently. Here's where it gets weird. A couple years ago when our pratctices were spread out by over a month each, the wife of the guitarist decided she should learn bass and start a girl band project. Well, that didn't go and so she started filling in when I couldn't make it. That's also how she writes her songs. Anyway, my conclusion is that while she likes to play bass, I am a bass player. I play the parts of the song she plays what she can. Much of the time I can't distinctly hear my part and its muddy.

Today I texted the main guitarist that perhaps we could decide on having me play the more difficult tunes and she could play on the easy ones. To me, the sound isn't crisp and tight it is muddy to have us both playing....even if improvise other parts that stay out of her way. Anyway, he said he didn't think that would work because she likes playing bass.

I think the band is cool and I have a bit of fun playing but think if they are ok with how she plays and are satisfied with her bass playing its time for me to bail.

She is the new bass player. Move on.

 

[swafran]

I couldn't vote because I think you should leave, but not just wait and hope someone else picks you up. Go find that band you really want to be in. Maybe one that gigs regularly. When you're playing out with a new band that appreciates you, you won't remember the girlfriend of the guitarist with a bass and amp in that old rehearsal space that blablabla... I'm getting bored just typing about those people and I don't even know them.

 

[Single Coil]

Here's an example...

 

[Chili_Time]

Leave the band. If she does not work out and they beg you to come back insist they re-name the band after you, or at a minimum carry all your gear.

 

[Jack Butler]

She's rehearsing, live, with your band.

Since she plays along with you on stage, I think they are hoping you stay around long enough so she can learn enough to take over. IMO they have no respect for you and your bass playing even though you founded the band. In addition, they want you to quit so you give up rights to the originals.

I think you needed to take a stand the first time she showed up at practice/on stage with a bass and an amp. IMO, That's a valid excuse for stage rage.

Good luck.

This is likely pretty accurate. You could bail like others have said, and that's a pretty good option. What would be fun if you had the time and ability would be to show up playing the instruments they play. So if you're a good guitarist, just show up with a guitar and a marshall stack and start wailing on solos. Then say, "well bass seems to be covered, and apparently the etiquette is to just show up with your choice of instrument and you get to play it". Or if you're a good singer just bring a mic and become the co-lead singer.

 

[bfields]

Well, none of us are there. You should do what you want to do.

But it seems unlikely to get good musical results to have two bass players both playing their own bass lines without much coordination. You choose to hit a third in the place where she hits the root in a place where either would sound fine, but together at the low end they'll just be mud.

If I were you and if I felt like the band was otherwise fun, I'd start thinking about how else you could contribute. You've figured out how to play the bass lines, so now you can show her, and move on: start listening for what else the band might be missing, and remember that you're a musician with a bass guitar as one of the tools at your disposal. You could try playing more lead lines, or take this as an opportunity to pick up a second instrument, or do more singing, etc.

 

[Deleted member 165050]

@bfields has the right idea.

Pick another instrument, announce that she is now the bass player and you are now the <insert new instrument here> player, make it all a bit different and think that it's a band that hardly gigs anyway so a great environment to think out of the box in. That sounds weird. Think out of the box in. In which to think out of the box. In. You know what I mean.

 

[twinjet]

Opinions please....

I started in a band a couple years ago. Me on bass, a dude on guitar and his wife as singer. Another guitar and a drummer. Material includes Metallica, Soundgarden, Petty, Alice In Chains, Hendrix,,etc.... also originals....you get the idea. We played one gig during this time as rehearsal time is difficult and we replaced a drummer recently. Here's where it gets weird. A couple years ago when our pratctices were spread out by over a month each, the wife of the guitarist decided she should learn bass and start a girl band project. Well, that didn't go and so she started filling in when I couldn't make it. That's also how she writes her songs. Anyway, my conclusion is that while she likes to play bass, I am a bass player. I play the parts of the song she plays what she can. Much of the time I can't distinctly hear my part and its muddy.

Today I texted the main guitarist that perhaps we could decide on having me play the more difficult tunes and she could play on the easy ones. To me, the sound isn't crisp and tight it is muddy to have us both playing....even if improvise other parts that stay out of her way. Anyway, he said he didn't think that would work because she likes playing bass.

I think the band is cool and I have a bit of fun playing but think if they are ok with how she plays and are satisfied with her bass playing its time for me to bail.

One says stick around. 55 say gtfo. You decide.

 

[Mo cowbell]

At least cover Big Bottom before you leave the band.

That would be cool.

I made the call and talked to the other guitarist (the non wife singer one) and explained it the situation. Most likely talk to the other one soon.

 

[delta7fred]

Blues harp would be a good instrument to switch to, you can then stomp all over her vocal lines and the guitar breaks, and, well everything!

We had a blues harp player do this, he started a couple of beats after the count in, stomped all over everything, and stopped when he realised everyone else had finished. The only time he didn't was when he was singing out of tune backing vocals (we usually had his vocal mic muted FOH so he was only in the monitors).

We were going to fire him after one particular gig but he must have got wind of it and quit before we had the satisfaction.

 

[RichardW]

Possible solutions:
1) Play nothing but Walk on the Wild Side.
2) You take all the notes on the E and A string, she takes all the notes on D and G.
3) Find a new band.

 

[damonsmith]

&

 

[blue4]

I think she is the bass player of this band, you are her music teacher who works for free, and your "friends" are using you to float them along until she's up to speed. Hopefully I'm wrong.

 

[LUCE]

GTFO

 

[Sunset Shalom]

It all depends. For some bands 1 bassist is probably too much Then you have supergroups like this amazing jazz fusion group from Japan:



They have 3 bassists on stage playing together, and 4 drummers, and 3 guitarists, and 3 keyboardists plus at least 2 saxophonists and a huge horn section at times...

The key is not having everyone playing all the time. They are extremely tight for how many people they pack onto a stage. Partly becouse they are all having a great time and focusing on the music. They have a song called Japanese Soul Brothers which is long and epic and sums up how bands should be. A band is like a hydra, it can have many heads but they are all part of the same body and need to work together for the best results. Our ego's often get in the way of creating music sadly.

 

[Koog]

You're already gone....but they are using you to get her up to speed on the material. Let's see....is that the same as....free lessons?

Are you the bass player or the tutor / mentor for your already annointed successor? I think you know the answer to that.

Then, there is the dynamic of the male / female thing between your successor and your band mate. You just don't have the equipment to compete with that. Seems no one in the band is feeling sympathetic or supportive of your position. If they do it to you once, they will do it again.

Set your hurt feelings and ego aside and walk away. You'll feel free tomorrow and, if you start checking around and hitting your local music scene, you'll find new opportunities.

Hope this is helpful.

Koog