UN-Official Talkbass forum rules

[twinjet]

Robots are your friends and it's totally okay to be one be friends with one because they're super cool. Bzzt.

 

[Imaginary Pony]

Neither do I!

 

[gully_jones]

1. When someone ask for advice on choosing a bass/amp/cab/effect between specific choices, be sure to:

a. Advise to buy used off of TB/Craigslist/ebay.
b. Advise to buy something different because your a fanboy. Extra points if it is way over their budget.
c. When the requester is considering a high end bass, at least one responder must suggest they check out Squier.
d. When someone is considering a Squier at least one responder must advise to save up for high end bass.

2. When someone ask for advice on selling a current bass/amp/cab/effect to purchase something else or, they are just thinning the herd:

a. Advise to keep both because food and shelter are overrated.
b. Share your story of regret over selling that special bass that you didn't touch for over 10 years but missed the second you let it go.

3. When anyone is asking for advice on anything, be sure to:

a. Not read the original post very carefully or at all.
b. Never ever read any of the previous responses.
c. By all means, proceed to drop your wisdom on us.

 

[Imaginary Pony]

So do I

 

[bench]

the search function must be avoided at all costs!!

 

[BigDrew]

Be sure to be as negative and combative as possible...especially to new players.

Also, be sure to ask how much everything is worth. Extra points if it is your first post.

 

[Justice Graves]

Always give your opinion about a product, especially if you've never owned or used the product in question.

Check spelling and grammar of every post you read and post errors immediately.

Revive an old old thread with a "bump" whenever you encounter one.

Whenever starting a bass thread always use "The Official---" in your title if possible.

Make sure to disagree with at least one post every time you log on to TB.

If a thread is questionable in content, always post "In before the lock". It's important to be in before the lock.

You can post "subbed" as a reply in any thread. Even if you have no idea what it means.

Always garnish a thread reply by posting a singular "LOL".

Do the same with "Carrots" because everybody like carrots.

There can never be too many pictures of Business Cat with a quote from Nobody in it.

Derail a thread wherever possible so that readers aren't forced to read page after page of
hack shopworn advice and admonitions.

Start at least one " P-bass vs. ----" thread every week.

Popular thread subjects are " The Top Ten Best Songs", " The Best Bassist Ever", " Best Strings For My Bass" and " Can I Use A Tiny Practice Amp For Big Venue Gigs?".
Always respond enthusiastically with numerous replies.

New TB members always need a thorough hazing and initiation. TalkBass wants only the best, the brightest and the strongest. It is your duty to weed out those who can't cut the mustard with their first post. You''ll know you did good when every thread they start after that contains the opener:- " I know this is a stupid question but..."

5, 6, 10 and 11 on this list are actually the only reason I bother coming here.

 

[Polfuste]

Be prepared to rage-quit. You have to do it at least one time to access to next level.

 

[Michedelic]

Do all you can to break the internet. Dis Geddy and your beheading will be broadcast on Youtube.

 

[Dana R Gregory]

Above all else: Fire the drummer!

 

[flojob]

Same

 

[lfmn16]

When talking about mixing cabinets, always justify it by saying you've always done it this way any ignore and science behind the justification for using the same cabinet. Make fun of anyone that actually believes in science.

 

[Imaginary Pony]

Once a week go to the pedal forum, say you don't use pedals, never have and never will, mock people who use them, then act all surprised and hurt when people tell you to stop trolling.

 

[Ewo]

every poll _must_ include "carrots" as a possible answer.

including polls about pickguard colors.

 

[JakobT]

Whenever someone asks for opinions on a specific product, always give your opinion on a different product, preferably one you own yourself.

 

[Nev375]

All pedals must come with a box. It's very important.

 

[knumbskull]

In the event of an essential software upgrade to the forum, have a screaming meltdown and ragequit because it's "not how I like it anymore".

 

[micguy]

Always make certain someone has browbeaten the poster about the fact that they should have serached for what they want, because everything has been covered here already. If noone has done the brow beating, make sure to step in and do it. Adding links of previous theads on the topic gets you even more points, and allows you one guilt free "get off my lawn"

 

[Jamie_Funk]

Ask if someone has ever "gone back to 4s from 5s" - constant reassurance that this happens is required

 

[Imaginary Pony]

icguy, post: 19629285, member: 193323"]Always make certain someone has browbeaten the poster about the fact that they should have serached for what they want, because everything has been covered here already. If noone has done the brow beating, make sure to step in and do it. Adding links of previous theads on the topic gets you even more points, and allows you one guilt free "get off my lawn"[/QUOTE]
As soon as someone searches and brings up an old thread on a topic, go into "competition mode" to see who can be first not only to cry "Zombie Thread!!" But also to add a Zomble Thread meme no-one has ever seen before...