Was this Racism or am I being paranoid?

[Munjibunga]

To the group -

There have been quite a few threads lately about racial items and how things can be mis-interpreted. I had an experience a few weeks ago that I'd share and get some input/feedback on.

My wife and I are Black and we live in a pretty decent neighborhood. It's not Donald Trump style but it's a relatively secluded and exclusive area -- the kind of house a Business Executive buys after 25 years of hard work. I recently ran across a couple who lives in my neighborhood -- they're in their mid 60's. We've never met but I know their names from the Neighborhood listserv.

As it turned out, another of our neighbors had left some important papers on his car and they'd blown away as he drove off. The couple stopped their car to pick up the papers and I ran across them as I was walking my dog. FWIW, I was dressed in jeans, topsiders, and a button-down shirt. The quintessential "busnessman after hours" look.

I looked at the wife and said hello. She looked at me in total confusion and said haltingly ...

"Uh ... do you live here? Oh my -- you're renting this house, right? How long have you been here?"

"No, Ma'am -- my wife and I bought this house almost 3 years ago."

Her husband spoke up ... "Oh ... really? ... and what kind of work do you do?"

"I'm a Sales Executive for Xerox"

"Ohhh, really?"

[smiling]"Why yes, really"

As I watched them walk away, I was amused then insulted and then resigned. The most amazing thing was the total SHOCK and DISBELIEF on their faces

I have to ask -- do White people have interactions like this with neighbors or was this unusual?

Well, if they put their house on the market, you'll know.

 

[kesslari]

Prejudice - check.
Racism - file under prejudice, check.
Sucks? Yes.
Happens with longhairs (not a protected class, last time I check) a lot too.

I admire your restraint. I tend to get a LOT more sarcastic, and I don't think that's necessarily a good thing.

I mean, what kind of work does HE do? He just rents, right? Do they, uh, have the registration for that car?

 

[mkandolf]

I'm with the prejudice crowd. Not racism. Just treat them with the kindness you already have shown whenver the situation arises to help ease them out of it.

I'm amazed that in this day we have people that judge based on something that's different whether it's color of skin, hair, tats, piercings, physical handicap, mental issues, education, whatever.

 

[bassguppy]

Prejudice definitely, racism I would say not outright.

People shouldn't get a pass for racism of any sort but I personally have a hard time when the offendor happens to be old. I would express my opinion to make my view known and that I disagree with them but I believe it's not worth the effort to change a crotchety old farts views.

 

[PSPookie]

What would jeebus do?

 

[MJ5150]

I have spent much of my life around very wealthy black folks, so it does not surprise me to see a black person driving an expensive car or in a affluent neighborhood. But, I also know older and wealthy white folks who would have the same reaction as your neighbors did. I don't think it is racist, they are just from a time when black folks did not prosper like they do today. No biggie.

I stopped in a fried chicken joint outside New Orleans a few years ago, and the first thing the girl behind the counter asked me was "you're not from around here are you?" I suppose I could have been offended since I was the only white thing in the building besides the chicken breasts, but I laughed and said "Sho' ain't".

-Mike

 

[waleross]

You don't owe those people the time of day. It doesn't sound like they are the official "Welcome Wagon" for your neighborhood. After 3 years of living there you would think that you would have a better interaction. Its not racism IMO but old fashioned set in their ways "White-Folk". Maybe invite them to your next party to break the "ice".....only kidding ...................

 

[Kindly Killer]

people are like that everywhere. my next door neighbor's wife pretends that we don't exist LOL - you can look right at her and wave and she'll just let her gaze wander off. maybe she has brain damage, maybe she's an a-hole? doesn't matter 'cause i'm not wasting any time worrying about it

you can always pick up when someone doesn't like you but you can never know why. also it doesn't matter. what are you going to do - try to talk them into liking you? lots of people are just horrible, ugly, disgusting, avaricious turds. just accept it as something that exists on earth and be glad that you are not like them

i have also noticed an inverse proportion between "niceness" of neighborhood and niceness of people. my brother-in-law lives in a "nice" neighborhood and i can hardly stand going over there. my BIL used to drive cool vintage cars, and i always thought it was his sort of protest (his wife, who comes from money, just HAD to live there - sigh)... a few months ago he traded his vintage land rover for some icky porsche SUV; i felt like he had died.

i get the vibe that most people in exclusive neighborhoods relish the exclusivity. if that's true it's hard to put a friendly face on it

 

[Skitch it!]

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

 

[MJ5150]

Maybe invite them to your next party to break the "ice".....only kidding ...................

This is actually a good idea.

I wouldn't write off the older folks as prejudice/racist/elitist or any of that. Give them a chance. Some of you are quick to pass off judgement on two people you don't know anything about except what IotaNet has told us about them.

-Mike

 

[R. Laevinus]

I agree with the others who said this isn't quite racism, but more on the lines of elitism, ignorance, and prejudice.

I also agree.

Since we're on the subject though, I'll toss in one that happened to me a few years ago (I'm half Korean and half French-Canadian - so, mostly white).

I had moved into an apartment in a fairly upscale neighborhood, and a few weeks after I moved in, there was a knock on my door while I was practicing some Coltrane changes. I answered the door and there was a large, friendly-looking black fellow there, who asked for the resident.

I said it was me.

He then asked to speak with the, quote, "brother with the horn".

I said that would be me.

He was clearly thrown - it took him a moment to collect himself before he apologized profusely and introduced himself. He was a trumpet player from a unit down the hall, and had come to compliment me on my tone (and ask if I could possibly not practice between certain hours).

He was a very pleasant fellow, and we jammed once or twice after that. I suppose that technically it could have been considered racist, since he assumed that the sax player was black, but I took it more as a compliment, served with a side of harmless and entertaining elitism.


I think my point in telling this is just to show how a lot of the things some consider to be 'racism' is not necessarily based on any intent to harm or hurt, but rather just a result of being set in one's ways. I would also like to suggest to the OP that it is very possible that the neighbors drove off thinking that they made arses of themselves.

 

[MJ5150]

I suppose that technically it could have been considered racist, since he assumed that the sax player was black, but I took it more as a compliment, served with a side of harmless and entertaining elitism.

Unless you came to the door holding the instrument in your hand, it would be entirely logical for him to ask for the person playing the instrument.

-Mike

 

[Relic]

This is actually a good idea.

I wouldn't write off the older folks as prejudice/racist/elitist or any of that. Give them a chance. Some of you are quick to pass off judgement on two people you don't know anything about except what IotaNet has told us about them.

-Mike

Well....that is a good point. We're sorta "bandwagoning" on judging these folks which is maybe a little hypocritical, but all we really have to base it on is Iota's post where he's asking how we feel about it. Just honest answers based on what little we have to go on.

We also maybe have past experiences to draw on? As I said, I've experienced it (more so based on classism), but I also experience it from time to time with the wife and her family (who are not white). So it's all just "best guessing" at this point, but I'd be surprised if we were all not pretty right on with the assessment.

 

[sleepytime]

It was an awkward situation for whatever reason. I would say that it becomes improper if, after knowing you are a neighbor, they shun you because you are black. It may have defused the situation if you had introduced yourself rather than sarcastically replying "Why yes, really".

Having said that, the terms "racism" and "racist" are flung around with such abandon these days that I consider them little more than an anti-white slur anymore.

 

[IotaNet]

... It may have defused the situation if you had introduced yourself rather than sarcastically replying "Why yes, really" ...

For what it's worth, the first thing I did was to introduce myself -- complete with extended hand. (I truncated that out of the story for brevity sake.) I'm a professional salesman -- introducing myself and putting people at ease is what I do.

 

[R. Laevinus]

Unless you came to the door holding the instrument in your hand, it would be entirely logical for him to ask for the person playing the instrument.

-Mike

I don't know if it's entirely logical. I'd been there for a few weeks, bear in mind, so he'd probably heard me before and assumed that the resident was the player; once I told him I was the resident he should have been able to put two and two together.

Even if he wasn't sure at that point, asking if I were the player would have been a less loaded question than requesting the 'brother'.

But, that's the whole point - the fact that he did something which could be considered racist, and the fact that I decided not to take offence, based on the facts that there was room for uncertainty, that he clearly did not intend to offend me, that he was a semi-pro jazz player and made a quite complimentary, if racist/elitist, assumption about me based on my playing.

 

[sleepytime]

For what it's worth, the first thing I did was to introduce myself -- complete with extended hand. (I truncated that out of the story for brevity sake.)

I can see that, Iota, you sound like that kind of guy. I would have to agree with R. Laevinus that they may have felt like arses as they drove off.

 

[MJ5150]

So it's all just "best guessing" at this point......

You're right too. These folks very well could be racist/prejudice/elitist. They could also just be ignorant due to how they were brought up.

The small town I am from in Pennsylvania was pretty much all white folks as I was growing up. I don't remember seeing a black person until we moved to California. It would have been very surprising to me had a black family moved into the area where we lived. Not because any of us felt better than other races, just because we weren't used to it. I wasn't old enough to have the conversation, but I could have seen myself saying "really?" had I been told that someone black had moved in next to us.

-Mike

 

[malthumb]

I'm going to dial it back even a little further. I would say they were "narrow focused". There is not enough detail to label them as either prejudiced or racist. They at the minimum are not used to see black people in their area. I could be convinced to describe them as prejudiced if it was clear that they assumed that because you are black, you must be renting, but it could be that there are other black folks in the neighborhood that they have heard is renting a house. They could have confused you for them.

In my book, prejudice indicates a sense of being better than another group and not wanting to associate. Don't mean any harm, just choose not to associate. Racism to me implies an intention to disadvantage and or hurt someone just because of skin color or country of origin. They very well could be either of those things, but your short interaction doesn't provide enough detail to firmly place them in that bucket. You do have the benefit of experiencing their body language to help you with the interpretation.

Prejudice definitely, racism I would say not outright.

People shouldn't get a pass for racism of any sort but I personally have a hard time when the offendor happens to be old.....

There was a situation at a Walmart in Michigan where a 72 yr old white man saw a black man sitting in a car in a handicapped spot. He keyed the car, called the man everybody's favorite word and told him he was "sick and tired of all you ******s taking handicapped spots.". The guy got out of his car, checked the damage and followed the old guy to get his plate number. The old guy motioned under his shirt as if he had a gun and kept shouting "I kill ******s like you" then he backed his car into the man two or three times while the man was writing down the plate number. Turns out the guy was in the spot because his wife, who suffers from lupus, has a handicap plate and parked there to go inside to get her medication.

 

[MJ5150]

But, that's the whole point - the fact that he did something which could be considered racist, and the fact that I decided not to take offence, based on the facts that there was room for uncertainty, that he clearly did not intend to offend me, that he was a semi-pro jazz player and made a quite complimentary, if racist/elitist, assumption about me based on my playing.

You're reading way more into it than I would have. I call all my male friends "bro" or "brother" regardless of their race. I also use homie, boy, and call my groups of friends a posse. When any of my friends are acting overly stupid, I tell them to take that behavior back to the trailer park and things done half right are ghetto fabulous.

-Mike