Well, this sucks..

[Radical Edward]

I wasn't kidding.I'm just not the kind of guy to have cocaine parties with tens of chicks buy sports cars buy a yatch and have cocaine parties on it too,if I won the lottery.

I'm kinda guy to travel to the other side of the planet and order deaths of people whom I don't know and marry a crazy chick kinda crazy guy.





Check your PM box tomorrow night,Saturday night is the lotto night.

I'm not really sure what to say to this..

And MJ, I can see where she's coming from but it's one thing to have a talk with someone about your concerns with their financial issues, and it's another whole different story to entirely F them over and throw them out on the streets after they just paid a few grand to save your dog.

 

[MJ5150]

Yes, you are right. Maybe she was having a bad day and will reconcile with you shortly.

-Mike

 

[Waterpilot]

This whole story seems a bit weird.

 

[Radical Edward]

This whole story seems a bit weird.

Welcome to my life. Lol.

Yes, you are right. Maybe she was having a bad day and will reconcile with you shortly.

-Mike

Yeah, I talked things over with her and she agreed that she was being irrational and screwed me over, but said she "didn't know what she can do about it now." So basically, she's not going to apologise or make any efforts to amend the situation but she's going to "agree" with me, so she can look like the good guy, either way.
Meh. She's pretty nuts and really needs to stop getting into my business in the first place, but just as I've said to her, I'm going to be in her life whether if she likes it or not, and she can either learn to live with it or be miserable the rest of her life because I'm not going anywhere.

 

[jp58]

I'm sorry to hear that.

I don't really have any good advice, so rather than give you terrible advice, I'll send thought/prayers/good ju-ju your way.

 

[Radical Edward]

I'm sorry to hear that.

I don't really have any good advice, so rather than give you terrible advice, I'll send thought/prayers/good ju-ju your way.

Thanks! I appreciate it.
More or less, I just needed to vent and it's nice to know people around here give a **** about me, even if the people I actually see every day don't.

 

[machine gewehr]

I'm sorry to hear that.

I don't really have any good advice, so rather than give you terrible advice, I'll send thought/prayers/good ju-ju your way.

I didn't have a good advice neither (I usually don't),so I put a smile on that face,hopefully...


Psssh,8 hours left till lotto.

Thanks! I appreciate it.
More or less, I just needed to vent and it's nice to know people around here give a **** about me, even if the people I actually see every day don't.

Sometimes,venting on TBOT feels really good and there are people here whom really care.

I remember feeling terrible during the times I was banned,it felt like being away from family for a long time.

 

[THand]

Welcome to my life. Lol.



Yeah, I talked things over with her and she agreed that she was being irrational and screwed me over, but said she "didn't know what she can do about it now." So basically, she's not going to apologise or make any efforts to amend the situation but she's going to "agree" with me, so she can look like the good guy, either way.
Meh. She's pretty nuts and really needs to stop getting into my business in the first place, but just as I've said to her, I'm going to be in her life whether if she likes it or not, and she can either learn to live with it or be miserable the rest of her life because I'm not going anywhere.

Tell her, "one thing you could do is reimburse me those thousands I spent on your dog". Makes more sense than selling your gear.

 

[capnsandwich]

Tell her, "one thing you could do is reimburse me those thousands I spent on your dog". Makes more sense than selling your gear.

Word!!!

 

[Radical Edward]

I didn't have a good advice neither (I usually don't),so I put a smile on that face,hopefully...


Psssh,8 hours left till lotto.




Sometimes,venting on TBOT feels really good and there are people here whom really care.

I remember feeling terrible during the times I was banned,it felt like being away from family for a long time.

I can't even describe how terrible my day has gone today and this is really nice to hear.

Tell her, "one thing you could do is reimburse me those thousands I spent on your dog". Makes more sense than selling your gear.

I have enough people who hate me and enough drama in my life. This would solve nothing and make things more awkward for my boyfriend. A nice thought, though.

 

[machine gewehr]

I can't even describe how terrible my day has gone today and this is really nice to hear.

Go on,vent about your day than,get it off your chest.We're here to listen,help or cheer up.

And I have bad news...I...didn't win the lottery this week too...I have a good feeling about the next week though.

 

[Radical Edward]

Go on,vent about your day than,get it off your chest.We're here to listen,help or cheer up.

And I have bad news...I...didn't win the lottery this week too...I have a good feeling about the next week though.

Lol. Well, I had a serious mental breakdown yesterday where I sobbed hysterically for about 2 or 3 hours and then passed out from hyperventilating. I just snapped. I couldn't stop. My entire life has just been a string of bad events. People hate me. I never seem to do anything right, and on top of it all I'm sick all the time. There are very few, if any, good memories I have and it's all just finally gotten to me.
My daughter's dad started yelling at me over nothing and ruined my daughter's and mine's Easter day, and made me leave. He then turned around and asked as I was leaving, "Oh, so now you're not going to spend Easter with you kid?"
I honestly don't understand him or what he wants from me. I've bent over backwards to help him out, even when it completely screwed me over. He's just irrational and insane. He just starts yelling about absolutely nothing and then when you tell him that he isn't making any sense or explain how he isn't he yells louder and more aggressively. I have PTSD and I can not handle aggressive behavior, particularly in men. It just sets me off. He knows that and uses it to intentionally scare me and make me more crazy so he can say that he's the victim in all of this and have people pity him more. He's a dead-beat loser, and I made sure to tell him that, yesterday.
I've been holding so much back for so many years.. I just couldn't hold back any more and while it's nice to get it out, the fact that I have to continue to see him and continue to be harassed by him, until my daughter's grown or he's dead, makes me physically sick and start to cry all over again.
I'm just waiting for my turn to be happy. I don't know what I've done to deserve all of the things that have happened to me, but God knows I've tried so damn hard to do right by people and be a good person. I know I'm not perfect but I give it everything I have. I just don't get it and I'm tired of living this life. I can't go on like this.. I'm going to end up in a mental hospital or dead from a heart attack or something, and I'm not going to be any good to anyone if I'm gone... but I don't know what else I can do. It seems like it's just a matter of time until I lose it.. and I don't know what I'll do then.


Anyway,.. enough about my sad life. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Floyd Eye]

I think a women's empowerment group might help you. First thing you need to consider, obviously, is your kid, but I gotta say, you need to remove yourself as much as possible from any emotional attachment to the father. When I married my wife she had a 9 year old daughter ( now 20) with a dead beat, abusive father who caused all sorts of crap for both of them. The first thing I did was inform him that if he made either of them cry I was going to break his ******* legs. He's still a ****, but he knows not to push too far.

Anyway, I think a group of other single mothers in similar situations might be helpful to you. You certainly cannot go around feeling like that for too long.

 

[Radical Edward]

I think a women's empowerment group might help you. First thing you need to consider, obviously, is your kid, but I gotta say, you need to remove yourself as much as possible from any emotional attachment to the father. When I married my wife she had a 9 year old daughter ( now 20) with a dead beat, abusive father who caused all sorts of crap for both of them. The first thing I did was inform him that if he made either of them cry I was going to break his ******* legs. He's still a ****, but he knows not to push too far.

Anyway, I think a group of other single mothers in similar situations might be helpful to you. You certainly cannot go around feeling like that for too long.

I'm taking a break off from everything for a week.. After that, if I still feel as depressed as I am right now I'm going to try to get some help.
I'll check into some support groups, though.. but I dunno. Might do more harm than good. The wound is still fresh, as they say.. I'm not sure if I can openly talk about all of it.. everything I've been holding in.. without sobbing uncontrollably again.
Thanks for the input, though.

 

[Relic]

Mika - you rock girl, never give up the fight.
You're a mom. Mom's don't have the luxury of quitting. I have faith in you - in the end you'll come out on top of all of this.

 

[machine gewehr]

Life isn't fair,most of us do not live the life we deserve,or we think we deserve.I gave up thinking "what did I do to deserve this?".It doesn't matter,it happened anyhow.

I haven't had a good life either so far,sure it wasn't a living hell some times and have a few good memories but I'm angry,pissed off most off the time.Lately I've been feeling like you do,surely I didn't have it as bad as you did and don't feel as bad as you do though.
I have seen the point where I'd lose it,totally.A few hours of sleep and enough booze to pass out two regular drinking people,every damn night.

There are some situations one can not find a way out without some help,support from others.This is where I'm grateful for TBOT people,thanks again people.
I went to see a shrink,gave me some pills to sleep.I got calmer in time,do not go nuclear over things that are not worth getting mad at.

I know you got money problems and I don't know the health care system in the US,but if you can,talk to a professional.

I'm not big on talking so I went to a psychiatrist,got my pills.Psychologists are not for me.Talking surely helps though,thankfully I have a friend whom I can talk to.

If you can't afford it and health care doesn't provide it,as suggested above there must be people living the things you do right now.I'm sure your daughter's father is not the only ultimate A-hole ruining other people's lives out there.

 

[Radical Edward]

Mika - you rock girl, never give up the fight.
You're a mom. Mom's don't have the luxury of quitting. I have faith in you - in the end you'll come out on top of all of this.

I'm flattered that you have faith in me, but I've lost faith in myself and at this point things are out of my hands. I can tell you now that I can't handle another court hearing.. I can't handle that kind of a situation in the first place, much less one with so much hanging on it. If it comes to it again, which it probably is going to because my daughter's dad doesn't mess around when it comes to ruining someone's life, then I dunno.. I'll do my best but there's no doubt in my mind that I'm going to snap again. I can't tell you guys how long I've been fighting and how long I've been able to just barely hold on to my sanity. I wasn't a very sane person to begin with and this certainly hasn't helped.. Eh.. Again, I'll do my best and I sincerely appreciate the kind words, but I'm not going to get my hopes up anymore.. She's not legally mine and there's nothing I can do to change the situation with him, besides hire an assassin to kill him and I can't afford that.
( His name is Bill and all I can think of is Kill Bill. )

Life isn't fair,most of us do not live the life we deserve,or we think we deserve.I gave up thinking "what did I do to deserve this?".It doesn't matter,it happened anyhow.

I haven't had a good life either so far,sure it wasn't a living hell some times and have a few good memories but I'm angry,pissed off most off the time.Lately I've been feeling like you do,surely I didn't have it as bad as you did and don't feel as bad as you do though.
I have seen the point where I'd lose it,totally.A few hours of sleep and enough booze to pass out two regular drinking people,every damn night.

There are some situations one can not find a way out without some help,support from others.This is where I'm grateful for TBOT people,thanks again people.
I went to see a shrink,gave me some pills to sleep.I got calmer in time,do not go nuclear over things that are not worth getting mad at.

I know you got money problems and I don't know the health care system in the US,but if you can,talk to a professional.

I'm not big on talking so I went to a psychiatrist,got my pills.Psychologists are not for me.Talking surely helps though,thankfully I have a friend whom I can talk to.

If you can't afford it and health care doesn't provide it,as suggested above there must be people living the things you do right now.I'm sure your daughter's father is not the only ultimate A-hole ruining other people's lives out there.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I know there are people out there much worse off than me, and I realize there's nothing I can do to change things. I also agree that I need to see someone, but I don't have health insurance now and I can't afford a psych right now. Also, I'm lenient to go because a big part of the whole reason I lost her in the first place was because I was seriously over-medicated and didn't feel anything at all.. i was a zombie, and i didn't care about anyone or anything. I just went through the motions.. and when my daughter's dad ( Whom I was very much in love with at the time) told me that him and my kid would be better off if I was dead,.. I went to kill myself and took all of my medications at once. Since then, I've found it extremely hard to control my emotions and I feel as though the medications have permanently damaged my mental stability.
I don't ever want to be at that point again, and I'm depressed enough to trust a doctor when they say I need a med, but around here a lot of psychitrists push pills and don't really care about the counseling part of their job. It's unfortunate. :/

 

[machine gewehr]

( His name is Bill and all I can think of is Kill Bill. )

First of all,if you were near me and said this,I'd slap you in the mouth.

j/k I'd never hit a woman.

Or would I?..

Oh, don't get me wrong. I know there are people out there much worse off than me, and I realize there's nothing I can do to change things. I also agree that I need to see someone, but I don't have health insurance now and I can't afford a psych right now. Also, I'm lenient to go because a big part of the whole reason I lost her in the first place was because I was seriously over-medicated and didn't feel anything at all.. i was a zombie, and i didn't care about anyone or anything. I just went through the motions.. and when my daughter's dad ( Whom I was very much in love with at the time) told me that him and my kid would be better off if I was dead,.. I went to kill myself and took all of my medications at once. Since then, I've found it extremely hard to control my emotions and I feel as though the medications have permanently damaged my mental stability.
I don't ever want to be at that point again, and I'm depressed enough to trust a doctor when they say I need a med, but around here a lot of psychitrists push pills and don't really care about the counseling part of their job. It's unfortunate. :/

There are people who are worse than us all the time,but you had it pretty bad.

I agree with you on the part that you don't want to be a zombie.I was overmedicated when I was 16(I was born damaged yes,the doc probably slapped me in the head instead of butt) and I know what it is to be a zombie.

I observed and learned a few thing from my shrinks...so...

Tell me about your childhood...

 

[Radical Edward]

First of all,if you were near me and said this,I'd slap you in the mouth.

j/k I'd never hit a woman.

Or would I?..




There are people who are worse than us all the time,but you had it pretty bad.

I agree with you on the part that you don't want to be a zombie.I was overmedicated when I was 16(I was born damaged yes,the doc probably slapped me in the head instead of butt) and I know what it is to be a zombie.

I observed and learned a few thing from my shrinks...so...

Tell me about your childhood...

Oh, we are not going there. I do not have enough time to tell you all of that, nor do i care to start crying again.
Also, you most certainly would NOT slap me, ever, because then I'd hafta lay down the law and put you in your place. Wahahahaha!
(Also, what's wrong with Kill Bill? )
I should also mention that I've studied up a lot on my conditions and have come to terms with most things that have happened to me, but it's just hard to keep accepting bad things when another one happens before you even get over the last.

 

[machine gewehr]

Oh, we are not going there. I do not have enough time to tell you all of that, nor do i care to start crying again.
Also, you most certainly would NOT slap me, ever, because then I'd hafta lay down the law and put you in your place. Wahahahaha!
(Also, what's wrong with Kill Bill? )
I should also mention that I've studied up a lot on my conditions and have come to terms with most things that have happened to me, but it's just hard to keep accepting bad things when another one happens before you even get over the last.

I wasn't being serious,I knew you wouldn't tell me.

If I slapped you you'd have a concussion and think I'm your grandmother,then I'd take you to a walk in the park and let you play with other kids in the play ground.Then I'd leave you there.
I'm a brute,I'm huge and I'm very strong.My slap is cabale of those.

"His name is Bill and all I can think of is Kill Bill" is a terrible joke.It's one of those jokes that are so bad that they make you laugh.I like that kind of jokes though,my mother and I always do terrible jokes that are seriously not funny and laugh our arses off.Yes,my mother is a bit crazy/weird too,it runs in the family I guess.Also I do that with a friend of mine too.

I really hope those bad things stop happening to you,as Relic said you rock,you're strong.If you weren't you woudn't be able to handle this much.I know you feel like you can't handle but this way or the other way,you somehow do.
Being a mother surely gives you strength even if you are not aware of it,especially when you love your daughter this much.I know you do.



ps:I'd never hit a woman,I don't look like Mika's grandmother (hopefully) and I'm not a brute.I'm not really very strong physically.