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Well, this sucks..

#81
Reactions like this may be why you're having trouble making friends.

Ordinarily I don't get involved in female squabbles but the internet gives me the feeling of sitting in the Land Rover with Marlin Perkins while we watch Jim subdue the giant anaconda from a safe distance.

It's possible HEIST is just jealous of your boobs but I think she was giving you a little tough love. And I doubt you could see the real her if you read 1000 posts.

You're not perfect. Don't expect others to be. I think I remember someone saying love your neighbor as yourself. Do this, and you'll make friends. You want them to put up with your garbage? Put up with theirs.

And you need to meet some girls with...eh, never mind.
 
#82
nutdog said:
Reactions like this may be why you're having trouble making friends.

Ordinarily I don't get involved in female squabbles but the internet gives me the feeling of sitting in the Land Rover with Marlin Perkins while we watch Jim subdue the giant anaconda from a safe distance.

It's possible HEIST is just jealous of your boobs but I think she was giving you a little tough love. And I doubt you could see the real her if you read 1000 posts.

You're not perfect. Don't expect others to be. I think I remember someone saying love your neighbor as yourself. Do this, and you'll make friends. You want them to put up with your garbage? Put up with theirs.

And you need to meet some girls with...eh, never mind.
Click to expand...


Lol. Nah. No hard feelings or anything. And yes, this is exactly why I have a hard time making friends..because I'm not going to put up with a stranger telling me that my disabilities aren't valid. :eyebrow:

Just sayin'.. my feelings were hurt and I don't appreciate it. Maybe I'm sensitive... What am i to do? Rome wasn't built in a day, and while I'm working on myself, I can't change who I am in a day.

I'm certainly not perfect and I'm pretty sure I've said that quite a few times in this thread. I apologize, though to Heist for sounding so mean, but my biggest pet peeve is when people try to invalidate my conditions. I can't explain what it's like living like this, and I can't expect you or anyone else to understand how it is, but it IS a disability and it IS something I struggle with every day.

Just because Heist knows some 'crazies' and is friends with them, is not proof that I am not trying hard enough to make friends. It's like telling someone without a leg that they're just not trying hard enough to walk, because they know someone who can hop around on one leg just fine. Not really fair and just plain insulting, imo.

That said, asking me why people hate me is like asking someone why they were born with blond hair, or why they stutter when they talk, or why they are who they are. It's not something I can answer factually. I can only state my opinion and my perception of what the reason is and that's all I was trying to do, not make excuses.
 
#83
nutdog said:
Reactions like this may be why you're having trouble making friends.

Ordinarily I don't get involved in female squabbles but the internet gives me the feeling of sitting in the Land Rover with Marlin Perkins while we watch Jim subdue the giant anaconda from a safe distance.

It's possible HEIST is just jealous of your boobs but I think she was giving you a little tough love. And I doubt you could see the real her if you read 1000 posts.

You're not perfect. Don't expect others to be. I think I remember someone saying love your neighbor as yourself. Do this, and you'll make friends. You want them to put up with your garbage? Put up with theirs.

And you need to meet some girls with...eh, never mind.
Click to expand...

+1

I'd work on getting 'comfortable in your own skin' first a bit, difficult to be personable when your battling yourself.
 
#85
Radical Edward said:
Lol. Nah. No hard feelings or anything. And yes, this is exactly why I have a hard time making friends..because I'm not going to put up with a stranger telling me that my disabilities aren't valid. :eyebrow:

Just sayin'.. my feelings were hurt and I don't appreciate it. Maybe I'm sensitive... What am i to do? Rome wasn't built in a day, and while I'm working on myself, I can't change who I am in a day.

I'm certainly not perfect and I'm pretty sure I've said that quite a few times in this thread. I apologize, though to Heist for sounding so mean, but my biggest pet peeve is when people try to invalidate my conditions. I can't explain what it's like living like this, and I can't expect you or anyone else to understand how it is, but it IS a disability and it IS something I struggle with every day.

Just because Heist knows some 'crazies' and is friends with them, is not proof that I am not trying hard enough to make friends. It's like telling someone without a leg that they're just not trying hard enough to walk, because they know someone who can hop around on one leg just fine. Not really fair and just plain insulting, imo.

That said, asking me why people hate me is like asking someone why they were born with blond hair, or why they stutter when they talk, or why they are who they are. It's not something I can answer factually. I can only state my opinion and my perception of what the reason is and that's all I was trying to do, not make excuses.
Click to expand...

It's always going to be difficult to explain, I don't think people invalidate a lot of the time intentionally, it's just difficult to get a perspective on something you have no experience of, difficult to be mindful in that way I suppose.

Self awareness and some clarity is a key imo, the more you know and realize about your own make-up, the better equipped you are to deal with what your 'quirks?' are and work around them.

And don't forget though, society has it's fair share of character flaws in itself, practice playing 'spot the difference' ;)
 
#86
Skitch it! said:
It's always going to be difficult to explain, I don't think people invalidate a lot of the time intentionally, it's just difficult to get a perspective on something you have no experience of, difficult to be mindful in that way I suppose.

Self awareness and some clarity is a key imo, the more you know and realize about your own make-up, the better equipped you are to deal with what your 'quirks?' are and work around them.

And don't forget though, society has it's fair share of character flaws in itself, practice playing 'spot the difference' ;)
Click to expand...

Lol. Will do.

And again, I'm sorry things got a little heated. I'm struggling with all of this and it's extremely frustrating..
The best way I can explain what it's like being me is this: I feel like I have the mind-set of a 5 year old, and the responsibilities of an adult. I'm learning how to act around people and talk to people and trying to learn a lot of things that come naturally to most people my age.
This is in part because I have some brain damage from a 2 incidents that've happened in my life. One being having Salmonella that almost killed me. I had to learn to do a lot of things over again, and I'm still learning... I should've explained that before, I guess but I don't want people pitying me or thinking I'm trying to get attention.
I just needed to vent. Plain and simple, and I didn't mean for all of this to come out for it to escalate to all of this, but it seems my threads generally do. Lol.

I'm not using this an excuse, again.. I'm just trying to clarify. I'm trying SO hard to learn how to act around people, but it's the ol' 'one step forward, two steps back' sorta thing.

And in my original post, I stated that "I messed up" and I know that my decisions have landed me where I am. I don't deny that.
 
#87
Radical Edward said:
Lol. Nah. No hard feelings or anything. And yes, this is exactly why I have a hard time making friends..because I'm not going to put up with a stranger telling me that my disabilities aren't valid. :eyebrow:

Just sayin'.. my feelings were hurt and I don't appreciate it. Maybe I'm sensitive... What am i to do? Rome wasn't built in a day, and while I'm working on myself, I can't change who I am in a day.

I'm certainly not perfect and I'm pretty sure I've said that quite a few times in this thread. I apologize, though to Heist for sounding so mean, but my biggest pet peeve is when people try to invalidate my conditions. I can't explain what it's like living like this, and I can't expect you or anyone else to understand how it is, but it IS a disability and it IS something I struggle with every day.

Just because Heist knows some 'crazies' and is friends with them, is not proof that I am not trying hard enough to make friends. It's like telling someone without a leg that they're just not trying hard enough to walk, because they know someone who can hop around on one leg just fine. Not really fair and just plain insulting, imo.

That said, asking me why people hate me is like asking someone why they were born with blond hair, or why they stutter when they talk, or why they are who they are. It's not something I can answer factually. I can only state my opinion and my perception of what the reason is and that's all I was trying to do, not make excuses.
Click to expand...

Yahbut, just from what I read in your posts, you seem to work hard at making your "disabilities" the biggest part of your identity. It's almost as though you're using them to excuse personality issues and coping difficulties.

People don't hate other people for no reason. Based on the fact that many people apparently hate you, you may want to take a look inside. People love you for who you are, and people hate you for the same reason. Having a personality disorder is not analogous to being blonde.

Further, even though the vast majority of us have no issues with things like mold, you warn us to take extraordinary precautions against it. It may be another defense you use against criticism. On the other hand, I may be completely wrong. Or not.
 
#88
Munjibunga said:
Yahbut, just from what I read in your posts, you seem to work hard at making your "disabilities" the biggest part of your identity. It's almost as though you're using them to excuse personality issues and coping difficulties.

People don't hate other people for no reason. Based on the fact that many people apparently hate you, you may want to take a look inside. People love you for who you are, and people hate you for the same reason. Having a personality disorder is not analogous to being blonde.

Further, even though the vast majority of us have no issues with things like mold, you warn us to take extraordinary precautions against it. It may be another defense you use against criticism. On the other hand, I may be completely wrong. Or not.
Click to expand...

I'm going to be honest here, I'm having a hard time understanding what that says.

I get some of it, and from what I gather I think you're right. The first step for me lately to start working on myself and working to make my disabilities less of my identity is to admit that, and I do admit that.

At the moment, they DO control my life and I can tell you now that I hate it more than anyone. I don't want them to, anymore. I want to be independent and be strong and happy with my life. I really do, but as of right now it's just the beginning of a long process and it's going to take time.
Trust me on this, I hate being this way. I hate that my head's all messed up. I truly, honestly, and with every fiber of my being hate it and I truly and honestly, and with every fiber of my being want to get over it. It's something that I've only recently been able to come to terms with. I was in complete denial before.
And I know that I was a crazy ***** before any of this came to realization and I know there are parts of myself outside of my conditions that I have to work on, but one thing at a time. My sanity has to come before things like me yelling absurdly when I get nervous. Lol.
 
#90
Radical Edward said:
I'm going to be honest here, I'm having a hard time understanding what that says.

I get some of it, and from what I gather I think you're right. The first step for me lately to start working on myself and working to make my disabilities less of my identity is to admit that, and I do admit that.

At the moment, they DO control my life and I can tell you now that I hate it more than anyone. I don't want them to, anymore. I want to be independent and be strong and happy with my life. I really do, but as of right now it's just the beginning of a long process and it's going to take time.
Trust me on this, I hate being this way. I hate that my head's all messed up. I truly, honestly, and with every fiber of my being hate it and I truly and honestly, and with every fiber of my being want to get over it. It's something that I've only recently been able to come to terms with. I was in complete denial before.
And I know that I was a crazy ***** before any of this came to realization and I know there are parts of myself outside of my conditions that I have to work on, but one thing at a time. My sanity has to come before things like me yelling absurdly when I get nervous. Lol.
Click to expand...

No, I think you got it. I just hope you find a path out of it. It's going to take outside help.
 
#91
Ed, I don't know you from a bar of soap, but I'll offer some suggestions which you are welcome to ignore.

I thought you took heist's post the wrong way. Maybe you thinking that most people hate you has to do with you misinterpreting them too? If you approach a new person thinking that they're going to take a dislike to you, it makes it very hard for you to see any other reaction from them.

However, I don't doubt that you come across as awkward and a lot of people can find that unnerving.

I was going to say that since personal interaction might be hard for you, that a forum like this is a good way to get things off your chest and interact. But that could work against you, since getting things off your chest (down, Maki!) works best when others listen, that's not going to work well on a forum since most people will try to help by offering suggestions. And it's hard enough as it is to read people properly through written communication, without you thinking that they're writing off your conditions.

I'm not religious, but I reckon that church-based counselling could be a good idea, because it's probably free. And hopefully free of obligations. Anyone calling themselves a christian who would refuse to help you or insist on bringing god into it against your wishes, is making baby jesus cry around the clock.:crying:

And never write off any oppourtunity for potential growth or healing because it doesn't fit with who "you" are. That's just your ego trying to maintain the status quo.

PS I wish you all the best in finding contentment with yourself. That job will be harder if you hate the way you are. I was going to offer some cliched advice, but I think you already know...
I get some of it, and from what I gather I think you're right. The first step for me lately to start working on myself and working to make my disabilities less of my identity is to admit that, and I do admit that.
Click to expand...
 
#92
Munjibunga said:
Having a personality disorder is not analogous to being blonde.

.
Click to expand...

OMG - I think I finally found a sig. Can I sig that? How do I do that? A lot of people would agree with you. They seem to think being blonde is worse! Oh, geez, it's too early in the morning to be cracking up like this!

Mika, you are who you are. You might not be how you wish you were, but getting down about it/yourself doesn't accomplish anything but make you miserable. (I know, easy to say!). If you are wanting to change some things about yourself, identify just one thing you'd like to change and then work on it. It might take awhile. Then identify another thing and work on that. Change doesn't happen overnight and it doesn't happen all at once.

And it's no guarantee that people are all of a sudden going to like you or want to be your friend. Good, close friends, in my experience, are few and far between. The majority of people we meet will just be acquaintances and nothing more. And friends can be found in the most unlikely places when you aren't even looking for them. There is a phrase "to have a friend you have to be a friend." It's a good place to start, but don't be a doormat, and know that a lot of people just aren't receptive. But you never know when you'll run across someone that you click with.

I did get the impression from your original post (and I could be wrong) that you were just needing to vent, get some validation that yes this really is a sucky situation, maybe some simple suggestions, or just sympathy. Sometimes we don't really need all our problems solved for us, we just need to know that someone else out there cares. (As I said, I could be wrong.) But human nature is that some people are sympathizers and some people are fixers. I suspect that those with the psychoanalysis (nothing bad about this) are fixers, and that they really are trying to help you. Their assessments might be accurate or they might not be. Only you, being honest with yourself, can tell.

You're strong. You've overcome a lot. Hang in there. And don't sell the bass!
 
#93
The odds that everyone hates you are quite low. In fact, unless you got caught storing bodies in the basement for snack time, the odds are quit low that even a few people hate you. More than likely you only perceive that everyone hates you.

I used to wonder why some people didn't treat me the way I wanted to be treated. I used to label snobs and jerks based on the quality of greeting or lack thereof or maybe on one statement they made.

One day I met a cute girl in a restaurant. We had gone to high school together but I was too shy to say anything to her at the time. She never spoke to me. My friend introduced us. She said she remembered me and that I was a snob because I never said anything to her.

I was stunned as I watched her walk away. She was accusing me of being exactly what I thought she was.

You want to know what everyone's thinking about? Me.

Me, me, me, me, me. Even when we're thinking about doing something for someone else we're usually thinking about what we can get from it or how we'll look doing it.

You're not really all that different than anyone else. You have your particular set of problems. They're real. So does everyone else. You think about you. I think about me. He thinks about what she can do for him. She thinks about what he can do for her.

Think about it.

But if we are able to shake that attitude and put real focus on the needs of others, it's good for them and it's good for you.
 

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