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What Band Does This CL Ad Belong To?

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by jive1, Dec 6, 2012.

  1. jive1

    jive1 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    I'm going to try this as a new game, and see if anyone bites.

    Write a Craigslist ad for a real life band, and we'll try to figure out who the band/artist is.

    I'll start:

    "We are a Metal band that is in our late teens and early 20s that is looking to replace our guitar player that parted ways due to artistic differences. We want to make a name for ourselves in this industry, and on the history of Metal, so you need to be motivated and ready to make this a full-time endeavor. We plan to tour, record, and get rich doing this.
    You will need to be able to play in odd time signatures, and deal with odd modes since we use them in many of our tunes. Our influences are Diamondhead, the Misfits, Motorhead, etc. Because our stuff can be complex and we want to dedicate time for writing originals so that we can make a life out of this , we need someone who can be really dedicated to this project. That means rehearsals, writing, touring, and all the stuff a real rock band needs to do"

    "Good day CL. We are a bunch of chaps who love the Blues and 50s Rock and Roll. We are putting together a proper group in order to expand on this style of music and take it to greater heights. We are currently looking for a guitarist, as our guitarist had to switch to bass to fill a vacancy. Our material features lots of vocal harmonies, and we may need to replace our current drummer so we can do that, so you must be able to sing.
    Our goal is to start out and do covers, and work in our own material over time. We are really serious and dedicated to this, so you must be willing to relocate for opportunities and play every night of the week for little or no pay. I have some connections in Germany for some gigs. But, it will pay off in the end, trust me. The bassist and I are very good songwriters, and I'm positive we can churn out some hits.
    So, if you'd like to get in on a chance to be bigger than Jesus, hit us up."

    "Hi, we're a singer and guitarist that writes cool songs. We need someone to play bass for us. You have to be 420 friendly and if needles gross you out, this isn't the band for you. Anyway, we do some Muddy Waters covers at the moment and we're looking to expand our sound to take it to the next level. You can't play anything too complex, since the guitarist only has a guitar with 5 strings on it tuned to G. I think that bass sounds better buried in the mix, so you'll need to be cool with that, too."

    "Punk band needs bassist. Doesn't have to actually play bass. Just look punk."

    "Hey Rockers! Former members of Wicked Lester are putting the next big thing together, and we're looking for a bassist. We're going to play Rock N Roll, tour the country and bang lots of chicks in the process! We aren't going to play a simple Rock show. No way! We plan to do the whole shebang, lights, pyrotechnics, costumes, makeup, etc. You must be willing to wear a leather outfit, and wear vampire makeup. If you can spit blood and breathe fire, even better. Candidates who have a bass shaped like an axe will take preference. We're dead serious about this, and you need to be too. We are located in Brooklyn, so don't e-mail us complaining about the traffic."

    "Male vocalist/actor who is comfortable with androgeny and transexuality seek band members for an art-rock band. You must be comfortable with costumes and themes, such as fictional characters from outer space. We plan on incorporating many different influences in our show, so you will need to have an open mind. I'm looking for a guitarist, bassist, keyboard player, drummer, or any instrument that can add something to the sound. Feel free to hit me up and see what happens."

    "Hi, we're an original party rock band from Southern California that is looking for a bassist. We're a charismatic lead singer and two brothers who are virtuosos on their instruments. Trust me, the guitar player is killer. We're looking for a bassist who can pound out the root notes and sing the high harmonies. We have some songs written and hope to get some label interest playing showcases. Money shouldn't be an issue, since the vocalist's father is a rich dentist willing to bank roll us.
    We're into having good times, and that's what our music is all about. We plan on touring, recording, and making a name for ourselves beyond the valley. So if you'd like to get signed by Warner Brothers, tour the world, and trash hotel rooms, hit us up for an audition."
  2. "Punk band needs bassist. Doesn't have to actually play bass. Just look punk." - Sex Pistols? Lol!
  3. Coreyasl


    Nov 25, 2011
    2. Beatles
  4. Coreyasl


    Nov 25, 2011
    5. KISS

    6. David Bowie
  5. Metallica
    Van Halen
  6. jive1

    jive1 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    That's it.

    ???? Is the Sex Pistols

    1 away from winning the internets
  7. NWB


    Apr 30, 2008
    Kirkland, WA
    Drummer needed for upcoming US tour. Bass/vocal and guitarist need a new drummer ASAP for established progressive rock band. Our management has contacts to set us up to open for several major touring acts including KISS.

    Must be able to play odd time signatures and extended pieces.

    Ability to write lyrics a big plus.:D
  8. whitedk57


    May 5, 2005
    Franklin, NC

    You must have watched "Beyond the Lighted Stage" recently...
  9. Here's one:

    Hey TO rockers! We are a trio in need of a drummer/lyricist to take our Zeppelin homage to the next level, and perhaps tap into the prog scene, as well. Only the best of musicians should apply. We are all about career longevity, artistic integrity, and posterity.
  10. Looks like NWB wrote the ad as one member might, while I did it as the other might, LOL.
  11. Here's another, then:

    Funk/rock band seeks new guitarist. Must be drug-free, able to handle aggressive bass playing, and ready to help the band break out, globally.
  12. jive1

    jive1 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
  13. Yep...and another:

    Punk trio seeks new guitarist with broader sonic palette, so that we can get past this 3-chords bollocks, and perhaps conquer America. Must be willing to subvert ego to that of bassist/lead vocalist, who happens to write some really good songs.
  14. Progressive rock band needs vocalist!

    We are a four piece group looking to replace our recently departed lead vocalist. Must be willing to wear flower sculptures on head and occasionally play the flute.

    Our drummer is actually a pretty good lead singer himself, but he doesn't really want to sing all that much.... and his voice is probably suited more for adult contemporary ballads anyway.
  15. jive1

    jive1 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    "Hip-Hop producer/MC looking for some conspirators for his next big production. You must be down with the Indo. We gonna get it going in this hizzy, and get diggity with the wiggity. We be dead serious about this shizzy, so you better have your mind on your money and your money on your mind. "
  16. fraublugher


    Nov 19, 2004
    ottawa, ontario, canada
    music school retailer
    Snoop Dog as HuggyBear doing Snoop dog


    Oh , and he's bogarting it
  17. heb9_28


    Jul 1, 2009
    Blink 182?
  18. jive1

    jive1 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound

    The next one would be.

    Established Prog Rock Art Band seeks drummer.
    Our vocalist and we decided to part ways due to artistic differences. We decided that pop music would generate more income, and we seek a more radio friendly sound compared to our more complex tunes. The drummer has moved to vocals, and is losing his hair, but we can still rock. We need a more laid back drummer, who doesn't mind not being in the spotlight and being anonymous. We have goals for doing soundtracks for Disney films someday.
  19. AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! (Jim Rome manual buzzer sound)
    Wrong answer!

    Wrong generation, too.
  20. bassfran


    Mar 1, 2012
    Endorsing artist: Lakland basses

    How about-

    "Bored with Art College? Experimental music performance outfit into recreational substances and groovy, far-out light shows seeks new guitarist to conquer the world at large and make the longest charting LP of all time. Please be especially proficient on your instrument and be able to get along with morose BL with father abandonment issues."