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What would you do?

#21
fwiw, I think he's ja for this.

be put out. — phrasal verb withput uk us /pʊt/ verb [ T ] (present participle putting, past tense and past participle put) to be annoyed, often because of something that someone has done or said to you: He seemed a bit put out at not having been invited.
 
#22
You're the band leader, so lead.

Just leave a message on his phone that the rest of the band is committed to do the gig and you're wondering if he has any good suggestions on a backup or replacement for his position. Let him stew about that for a few days while you set up auditions for his position. Then after you schedule the auditions call him up again and leave a message on his recorder that you'd like him to come on down and audition to keep his spot in the band if he's interested. It'll be a fish or cut bait moment for him and will drive a degree of reality into his thought process as it relates to being part of a team.

Let the team down for no good reason, then the team has no good reason to keep you.
 
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#23
Hounddog409 said:
To me, playing for charity means the band should really not receive any $$. Just my two cents.

my band has played 2 charities this summer with a third scheduled for 9/23. I would never consider accepting payment for this. I think the childrens hospital and womens shelter needs the $$ more than I do.
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If everything is donated ---food, venue, security....... I'm in for free.

Fund raiser (as I stated) and charity gigs are not the same. I just re-read the OP--- it's a birthday party. The musicians can give the guy a birthday gift or his friends can give the guy a birthday gift (ie party with live music).
 
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#24
If he knows that you think he's essential, you have no leverage, beyond trying to shame him into it ("You can't get off your lazy ass for this poor old guy, he's a vet fa cryin' out loud?"). If his idea of committment to the project is "I'll play if I feel like it and I'm not inconvenienced in any way" then I'd say it was time to part ways with him. If that means ditching the whole project, so be it.
 
#26
He sings backup but is a good guitar player and knows all the old songs from the 40s and 50s which is what we do .we play exclusively for hospice and nursing homes. We dont charge n we play for applause. Hard to find a replacement but always looking. Im doing this gig for the lead singer whos 83. His grandson never heard him sing. The lead guitar is an ahole..hut can play ;)
 
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#27
dbase said:
He sings backup but is a good guitar player and knows all the old songs from the 40s and 50s which is what we do .we play exclusively for hospice and nursing homes. We dont charge n we play for applause. Hard to find a replacement but always looking. Im doing this gig for the lead singer whos 83. His grandson never heard him sing. The lead guitar is an ahole..hut can play ;)
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Life's too short and guitar players are to common to surround yourself with aholes. Find a replacement.
 
#28
Tough crowd. Why is the guy a "bad guy" because he doesn't want to play the gig? Hell, my band and other projects get paying gigs I don't want to play (but do). We don't play for free, but if we did, I'd have no problem telling them I'm not going to spend two+ hours on the road to play a one hour gig ... whatever the "cause". In this case, people are throwing a private party and getting entertainment for free. Let the host of the party be charitable, and pay the band or do without.
 
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#31
I'm a vet. You guys want to come play my next b'day party for free? :)

This isn't a charitable event or a fund raiser. An individual (who happens to be a vet) is having a birthday party. A private event put on by friends - an event that would normally pay for entertainment. This isn't the same as playing a nursing home IMHO.

If you and the other guitarist want to play the event for free - have a ball. Looking for a way to fire the non participating guitarist or shutting down the band because he doesn't want to play is just wrong in my mind.

IMHO of course.
 
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#36
GBassNorth said:
If I read the OP correctly, it's a charity event for a Vet who may have done a whole lot more for others in this country than a simple gig. I'd kinda make an exception in favor of a freebie under the circumstances. But that's just me.
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No where did it say a charity event. It is a surprise birthday party. Is the venue giving away all the drinks for free? I doubt it.
 
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#38
MattZilla said:
fwiw, I think he's ja for this.

be put out. — phrasal verb withput uk us /pʊt/ verb [ T ] (present participle putting, past tense and past participle put) to be annoyed, often because of something that someone has done or said to you: He seemed a bit put out at not having been invited.
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Interesting. I know this saying by the phrase "put off".

@dbase , just pull an instrumental night. If he isn't your drummer or bassist (I take it he isn't you), he ain't critical. Someone else can play lead or sing!
 
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#40
dbase said:
My two guitar players are vets also.
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I don't think the fact that it is for a vet is missed by the guitarist. Perhaps his own military experience makes the environment somewhere he'd rather not be - for any multitude of reasons. Of course I have no idea what is actually going on; but, PERSONALLY I'd be sensitive to and respect the fact that there may be more to this decision than my bandmate cares for me to know.
 

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