"What's the ..... " jokes

[kevrex]

I don't have a joke, but at my last gig there was a Russian sound guy.





there was a czech one, too. a czech one, too.

 

[GretschWretch]

What's it mean when the drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth?

The stage is level.

 

[J Wilson]

An evergreen one heard around Nashville:

"What do you call 100 banjos at the bottom of Old Hickory Lake?"

"A Good Start ! ! !"

 

[J Wilson]

Humor and comedians have long been a part of the Grand Old Opry, both with comdedians like Minnie Pearl or StringBean, but also the artists could work a few into their stage patter. Here's an old Jimmy Dickens joke he told often from the stage:

Had to go to the doctor, all of a sudden I couldn't hear anything out of my left ear.

Get in the exam room, the Doc pulls out the little magnifier with the light on it and looks in my left ear.

'Well, goodness, how did this get in there?' He pulled out some long tweezers, reached in my ear, I heard a 'pop' and suddenly I could hear just fine. The doctor shows me the tweezers and . . . . . there's a suppository he just pulled out of my ear. He says, 'Jim, how do you think THAT got in there?'

I said, 'Doc, I don't know, but I bet I know where my hearing aid went!'

 

[pingvuiini]

What has three legs and an @$$h0£e???

A drumstool.

 

[Flatwound]

What do you call a guitarist with no girlfriend?

Homeless!

 

[Tim Grant]

How do you get a trombone player off your porch?

Pay for the pizza

 

[Spectrum]

What's the difference between scuba and tuba? Scuba stands for self-contained underwater breathing apparatus. Tuba stands for terrible underwater breathing apparatus

 

[GretschWretch]

What's the difference between a dead frog lying in the road and a dead trombone player lying in the road?

The frog probably was on its way to a gig.

 

[IanStephenson]

What's the difference between a professional jazz bass player and a large cheese pizza?

A large cheese pizza can feed a family of four.

 

[fokof]

What's the difference between jazz guitarist and rock guitarist ?

Jazz gtr play 1000 chords in front of 3 people
Rock gtr play 3 chords in front of 1000 people

 

[fokof]

What's the best way to end up with one million dollar playing jazz ?



Start with 10 millions

 

[Sam Evans]

What's the definition of a musician?









Someone who puts $5000 of gear in a $500 car to drive to a $50 gig.

 

[zontar]

What's the definition of perfect pitch?

Throwing an accordion in a dumpster & it lands on a banjo.

 

[whero]

What's the difference between a dead frog lying in the road and a dead trombone player lying in the road?

The skid marks are before the frog?

 

[whero]

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?

A: You have to plug the vacuum cleaner in before it sucks.

 

[whero]

Q: How do you know when there's a vocalist at the door?

A: They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.

 

[GretschWretch]

The skid marks are before the frog?

I suppose. There hardly would be any point in trying to stop after the frog was run over.

 

[whero]

Q: What's the difference between a bull and a band?

A: The bull has the horns in the front and the @$$#ole in the back.

 

[whero]

C, E flat and G walk into a bar.

"Sorry," says the bartender. "We don't serve minors."