Okay. So, a little while ago I posted a thread in this section about the virtues of "keeping it simple" as a bassist, and opened a discussion about what that means and how it can be a good thing.
Everything was lovely and rainbow skittles fell from the sky as cute puppies barked and small children frolicked in the springtime air. Until I realized that I am starting to feel controlled and suffocated by the leader of this band. I'm starting to recognize his personality type as one that...yeah. Sorry, I just have to get this out. I'll be quick, I promise.
He's a little passive-aggressive. One of those "I don't want drama" types who is so insistent on NOT having it anywhere near him that he ends up inadvertently creating it over his refusal to let anybody else ever be right, AND his refusal to ever address a problem by compromising with others. He's more than a little controlling when it comes to my personal life, as in, he sent me a 5-paragraph Facebook message talking all about how he's "not a fan" of my best friend moving in with me because the two of them butted heads over the rehearsal space and the schedule (which we share amongst two separate bands) and now I guess he hates my roommate.
To the point where whenever I bring up legitimate scheduling/logistical issues regarding the rehearsal space or anything that my roommate says or does, he basically won't even let me talk about it. I only mention the guy when it's relevant to the band...I don't complain to my bandmates and I certainly don't bother to tell the bandleader that my roommate and I had fun staying up until 2 am watching movies and eating junk food like a bunch of dorky kids. Well, the bandleader used to come over to my place to practice one-on-one and go over new songs and throw around ideas...and now he's not only saying he doesn't want to be anywhere near my roommate, but that I'm not allowed to play our music for him or practice our music in front of him...that I should password-protect my computer just in case. I'm astounded that someone could be so paranoid for pretty much no reason. It's just really unsettling.
So, that happened. And then we have the "we're not ready for gigs/I don't want to promote both our shows coming up because of the 2-week blackout rule/I don't want anyone hearing our rehearsal recordings except family and close friends" thing happening. Which really limits our ability to get out there and to get some feedback on our sound as we develop. I can understand being protective of your songs, and rightfully so...but at what point does it get ridiculous?
Then he has this weird passive attitude about finding a keyboardist and rhythm guitarist, while meanwhile we have run into numerous issues with our drummer and are considering replacing him once we play these gigs coming up. On the one hand, he's really ruthless about the people who he auditions and seems to be really particular about what he wants. And on the other hand, he has this kinda fatalist, "it's cool, man..." thing going on when it comes to our drummer. Our drummer has caused us to lose gigs due to his inability to communicate, AND he has timing issues that are becoming intolerable. Beyond that, his style just doesn't really mesh with us and he doesn't seem to have the skills to change. But somehow there doesn't seem to be a degree of urgency to get someone better behind that kit. While in the meantime, it's all about finding a keyboard player. So, skewed priorities are skewed. I realize he's the bandleader and can hire a freakin kazoo player if he wants, but it just seems as if he's letting certain issues fester and go unresolved, while being really impulsive about other things.
On top of all this, he's been practically trying to play my bass for me, constantly harping on being "simple" and throwing all these examples at me and rubbing it in my face how "simple" all these bass lines are. Well. Seeing as how his guitar playing is really sparse and honestly not super-skilled (he plays guitar because he has to in order to fill out the songs, not because he's a guitarist, if that makes sense), sometimes there's just TOO much space left in a song, so then what? It falls flat...at least right now when it's just the three of us. It's as if he's asking me to make room in the songs for musicians who aren't there yet and might not be for quite some time, and I feel that it occasionally sucks the life out of the songs AND limits ME as a player, which is incredibly frustrating. I'm not trying to get all pervy on you guys but it's like the musical equivalent of being sexually frustrated by someone who "just wants to wait" and comes up with all these reasons not to sleep together. How much of that can anybody take?! That's a rhetorical question, by the way.
My point is, until lately, I've really enjoyed this band...it's been a very positive and powerful force in my life that has given me a sense of direction and discipline not just as a bassist, but as a person. In fact, I posted about it here. So it's unsettling to have these feelings creeping up on me now. Are these just my own growing pains? What is the lesson here...do I eventually resolve to move on from this band in order to stretch out as a bassist because that's just where my sensibilities are right now and I'm not getting paid by these guys to cater to their wishes? Do I keep my noodly chops to myself (wanking, ha ha, again with the metaphor!) and hope that's enough for me?
I just need some outside perspective on this. My original thread about the joys of simplicity was more about style and personal preference when it comes to the music itself. But the rest of this situation is a different story...it's political and personal. And therefore, I'm starting to wonder if it really has anything to do with the music at all, or if it's just a case of somebody else wanting to control me and me being so hungry for success and satisfaction, that I'll do anything they tell me to. Well, not ANYTHING, but you know what I mean!
I hope this kinda makes sense. I've been kinda overly-caffeinated and sleep-deprived lately, so pardon me if it doesn't!
Everything was lovely and rainbow skittles fell from the sky as cute puppies barked and small children frolicked in the springtime air. Until I realized that I am starting to feel controlled and suffocated by the leader of this band. I'm starting to recognize his personality type as one that...yeah. Sorry, I just have to get this out. I'll be quick, I promise.
He's a little passive-aggressive. One of those "I don't want drama" types who is so insistent on NOT having it anywhere near him that he ends up inadvertently creating it over his refusal to let anybody else ever be right, AND his refusal to ever address a problem by compromising with others. He's more than a little controlling when it comes to my personal life, as in, he sent me a 5-paragraph Facebook message talking all about how he's "not a fan" of my best friend moving in with me because the two of them butted heads over the rehearsal space and the schedule (which we share amongst two separate bands) and now I guess he hates my roommate.
To the point where whenever I bring up legitimate scheduling/logistical issues regarding the rehearsal space or anything that my roommate says or does, he basically won't even let me talk about it. I only mention the guy when it's relevant to the band...I don't complain to my bandmates and I certainly don't bother to tell the bandleader that my roommate and I had fun staying up until 2 am watching movies and eating junk food like a bunch of dorky kids. Well, the bandleader used to come over to my place to practice one-on-one and go over new songs and throw around ideas...and now he's not only saying he doesn't want to be anywhere near my roommate, but that I'm not allowed to play our music for him or practice our music in front of him...that I should password-protect my computer just in case. I'm astounded that someone could be so paranoid for pretty much no reason. It's just really unsettling.
So, that happened. And then we have the "we're not ready for gigs/I don't want to promote both our shows coming up because of the 2-week blackout rule/I don't want anyone hearing our rehearsal recordings except family and close friends" thing happening. Which really limits our ability to get out there and to get some feedback on our sound as we develop. I can understand being protective of your songs, and rightfully so...but at what point does it get ridiculous?
Then he has this weird passive attitude about finding a keyboardist and rhythm guitarist, while meanwhile we have run into numerous issues with our drummer and are considering replacing him once we play these gigs coming up. On the one hand, he's really ruthless about the people who he auditions and seems to be really particular about what he wants. And on the other hand, he has this kinda fatalist, "it's cool, man..." thing going on when it comes to our drummer. Our drummer has caused us to lose gigs due to his inability to communicate, AND he has timing issues that are becoming intolerable. Beyond that, his style just doesn't really mesh with us and he doesn't seem to have the skills to change. But somehow there doesn't seem to be a degree of urgency to get someone better behind that kit. While in the meantime, it's all about finding a keyboard player. So, skewed priorities are skewed. I realize he's the bandleader and can hire a freakin kazoo player if he wants, but it just seems as if he's letting certain issues fester and go unresolved, while being really impulsive about other things.
On top of all this, he's been practically trying to play my bass for me, constantly harping on being "simple" and throwing all these examples at me and rubbing it in my face how "simple" all these bass lines are. Well. Seeing as how his guitar playing is really sparse and honestly not super-skilled (he plays guitar because he has to in order to fill out the songs, not because he's a guitarist, if that makes sense), sometimes there's just TOO much space left in a song, so then what? It falls flat...at least right now when it's just the three of us. It's as if he's asking me to make room in the songs for musicians who aren't there yet and might not be for quite some time, and I feel that it occasionally sucks the life out of the songs AND limits ME as a player, which is incredibly frustrating. I'm not trying to get all pervy on you guys but it's like the musical equivalent of being sexually frustrated by someone who "just wants to wait" and comes up with all these reasons not to sleep together. How much of that can anybody take?! That's a rhetorical question, by the way.
My point is, until lately, I've really enjoyed this band...it's been a very positive and powerful force in my life that has given me a sense of direction and discipline not just as a bassist, but as a person. In fact, I posted about it here. So it's unsettling to have these feelings creeping up on me now. Are these just my own growing pains? What is the lesson here...do I eventually resolve to move on from this band in order to stretch out as a bassist because that's just where my sensibilities are right now and I'm not getting paid by these guys to cater to their wishes? Do I keep my noodly chops to myself (wanking, ha ha, again with the metaphor!) and hope that's enough for me?
I just need some outside perspective on this. My original thread about the joys of simplicity was more about style and personal preference when it comes to the music itself. But the rest of this situation is a different story...it's political and personal. And therefore, I'm starting to wonder if it really has anything to do with the music at all, or if it's just a case of somebody else wanting to control me and me being so hungry for success and satisfaction, that I'll do anything they tell me to. Well, not ANYTHING, but you know what I mean!
I hope this kinda makes sense. I've been kinda overly-caffeinated and sleep-deprived lately, so pardon me if it doesn't!
ointless whining about how it puts us both in a bad mood when the drummer is late:
