Friendlybass, I thought about your deal on the way home and had a couple of other thoughts.
Your OP asked if we can all agree the deacon was out of line, and I think most seem agree with you on that.
A couple of questions arise, though. Is this a regular gig, a one-off, something in between? Playing with your dad is way cool. I'd give anything to have been able to do that. He should be able to give you a pretty good idea if maybe the guy just has an awkward sense of humor, he's a judgmental pr!ck, or maybe even if you were being too sensitive. Someone mentioned that everyone has a bad day now and again, and your pops can probably help you figure out whether he was talking about you or Deacon Dumba$$.
Does going to that church help you on your own spiritual journey? If not, what is the "opportunity cost" of continuing? It might well be worth putting the priority on playing with your dad and seeking spiritual growth and fulfillment through other means.
I don't think there's an Emily Post-certified rule of etiquette here, but if you're planning to keep playing there, I'd suggest taking only the pedals that are essential, or going commando if you can get a tone you dig. The Sansamp alone might do the trick. I know you dislike dismounting them, but there's something to be said about personal sacrifice. (As long as you don't sacrifice your tone. Neither the Lord nor the rest of us would abide that.) It shows you're the bigger man and reinforces your benevolent response to the initial situation. Forgiveness is one of the most useful attributes that one can acquire, so presto, an opportunity for growth!
Then, you can go out a and play that white T-bird with your pops with a pure heart, for white is the color of Purity, my brother!
