Future Man Roy Wooten does the best with electronic drums out of anyone I've heard, but they do still sound like electronic drums. They work a treat with Bela Fleck, though.
Future Man did some AMAZING things with electronic drum samples, but he could also play the real things just as well. Still, for what the Flecktones were doing at that time, there was absolutely nothing else like it going on anywhere. He really made those sounds work in that context.
. Some good drummers can adjust their dynamics, but you gotta hit the drums with a certain intensity in order to get a certain sound and that means hitting the kit hard sometimes. It's just the nature of the instrument and there's only so much you can do. Playing live music can get loud. That's true especially with certain genres. Show biz it is. Rock.