If you lug your own gear from your bedroom/rehearsal room to your vehicle and drive yourself to the gig, you're not 'On Tour'.
If the name of the venue that your gigging at references any sort of food item [i.e. Wings/Pizza]...you're not 'On Tour'.
If you're close enough to the audience to hear someone yell 'Free Bird'...you're not 'On Tour'.
If a member of the wait staff presents a bill to you at the end of the night...you're not 'On Tour'.
If you drive yourself home reeking of cigarette smoke at the end of the night...you're not 'On Tour'.
If the 'venue' your gigging at is attached to a bowling alley [for my upstate NY friends]...you're not 'On Tour'.
If you repeat a song from earlier in the night, because someone got there late. And really wanted to hear it.... You are not on tour.
If the crowd is waiting for the band to stop, so they can hear the DJ, you're not on tour.
If you have to ask one of the servers to kill the house music so you can play, you're not on tour.
If your after show party is at Denny's or Louie's, you are not on tour!
If you have to slide four tables out of the way to set up your gear you aren't "On Tour".
If the venue you are playing reeks of Charlie, Aquanet, and cigarette smoke you aren't "On Tour".
If there's nowhere to plug-in because the bar won't let you unplug the beer signs... you're not "On tour".
If you have a "Tip Jar", you're not "on tour"...
If you have to ask "where to set-up"... you're not "On tour".
If your venue folds up and is put in a rental truck after the weekend...you're not on tour
If your venue folds up after only being open for a month "You aren't On Tour".
When your bar tab is more than you're $$$ for the gig, you're not "on tour"!
When your band name is written on a chalkboard above the menu you aren't "On Tour".
If you have to hang your poster on the bathroom door...you’re not on tour
If your lead singer has ever said "Last Call for Alcohol" you aren't "On Tour."
If your bar tab is free and part of you payment...you’re not on tour
If your band plays "Talk Dirty To Me", and you're not Poison... you're not "On Tour".
If you've ever said, "We're going to take a short break and be right back!" You're not on tour!
If you've been told to turn down...you’re not on tour
If the house lights go on before you finish your last song you aren't "On Tour".
If you have ever said "Testing one two" and heard a loud squeal chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If you have ever written a set list on a bar stool chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If there's a large projector screen behind you playing re-runs of a 1998 strong man competition, you aren't "on your"
If your band name is scribbled on a plastic Coca Cola banner with a Magic Marker chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If your lead singer is wearing a button up shirt that is stretched so tight you can see portions of his enormous gut between each button, you aren't "on tour".
If there are elderly couples dancing to your butchered version of “Smoke on the Water” chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If you have to call a buddy to fill in because the drummer is in Panama City on vacation, you aren't "on tour".
If anyone has ever purchased the band a round of shots after their twenty minute version of "Freebird" chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If you have day job, you are not "on tour"
If you HAD to break into "Play that that funky music" to get people dancing, you're not on tour!
If you care if people dance, you're not "on tour"
If you have ever played at the Moose Lodge chances are you have never or will never be "On Tour".
If your bass player is also your sound man, you're not on tour.
If you have "EVER" had to play "Cant'cha See" by Marshall Tucker you're not "On Tour'.
If you break a string and have to stop to replace it chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If you break into "Whippin Post" and the crowd goes wild chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If the audience you play to have a total 14 feet and three teeth you are probably playing the Porterdale Moose Lodge and you aren't "On Tour".
When the audience is just your relatives...you’re not on tour
If you have ever had to hide a pistol behind your speaker cabinet chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If you have ever awoke to a flashlight in your eyes and the words "Can I see your license and insurance please" you aren't "On Tour".
If your wife or your girlfriend is helping you pack up your s**t at the end of the night... you're not "On Tour".
If you take requests, you aren't "on tour"
If you are saving your best songs for the 4th set so people don't leave you aren't "on tour"
If you replay your 1st set during the fourth set.
If an overweight female patron starts dirty dancing with herself chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If you have ever played anywhere known as a "Bar and Grill" you're not "On Tour".
If you have ever played anywhere with the word "Saloon" written above the entrance you aren't "On Tour".
If you practice more than 3 nights a week you aren't on tour
If you practice three times a week because you can't quite nail the breakdown in the middle of "Tush" you aren't "On Tour".
If your homemade KISS sign (made out of wood and light bulbs) blows out the whole wall when plugged in and all the electricity is now gone, you're probably NOT on tour
If you can see video games such as "Ms. Pac Man or "Centipede" from the stage... you're not "On Tour".
If the name of the venue that your gigging at references any sort of food item [i.e. Wings/Pizza]...you're not 'On Tour'.
If you're close enough to the audience to hear someone yell 'Free Bird'...you're not 'On Tour'.
If a member of the wait staff presents a bill to you at the end of the night...you're not 'On Tour'.
If you drive yourself home reeking of cigarette smoke at the end of the night...you're not 'On Tour'.
If the 'venue' your gigging at is attached to a bowling alley [for my upstate NY friends]...you're not 'On Tour'.
If you repeat a song from earlier in the night, because someone got there late. And really wanted to hear it.... You are not on tour.
If the crowd is waiting for the band to stop, so they can hear the DJ, you're not on tour.
If you have to ask one of the servers to kill the house music so you can play, you're not on tour.
If your after show party is at Denny's or Louie's, you are not on tour!
If you have to slide four tables out of the way to set up your gear you aren't "On Tour".
If the venue you are playing reeks of Charlie, Aquanet, and cigarette smoke you aren't "On Tour".
If there's nowhere to plug-in because the bar won't let you unplug the beer signs... you're not "On tour".
If you have a "Tip Jar", you're not "on tour"...
If you have to ask "where to set-up"... you're not "On tour".
If your venue folds up and is put in a rental truck after the weekend...you're not on tour
If your venue folds up after only being open for a month "You aren't On Tour".
When your bar tab is more than you're $$$ for the gig, you're not "on tour"!
When your band name is written on a chalkboard above the menu you aren't "On Tour".
If you have to hang your poster on the bathroom door...you’re not on tour
If your lead singer has ever said "Last Call for Alcohol" you aren't "On Tour."
If your bar tab is free and part of you payment...you’re not on tour
If your band plays "Talk Dirty To Me", and you're not Poison... you're not "On Tour".
If you've ever said, "We're going to take a short break and be right back!" You're not on tour!
If you've been told to turn down...you’re not on tour
If the house lights go on before you finish your last song you aren't "On Tour".
If you have ever said "Testing one two" and heard a loud squeal chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If you have ever written a set list on a bar stool chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If there's a large projector screen behind you playing re-runs of a 1998 strong man competition, you aren't "on your"
If your band name is scribbled on a plastic Coca Cola banner with a Magic Marker chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If your lead singer is wearing a button up shirt that is stretched so tight you can see portions of his enormous gut between each button, you aren't "on tour".
If there are elderly couples dancing to your butchered version of “Smoke on the Water” chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If you have to call a buddy to fill in because the drummer is in Panama City on vacation, you aren't "on tour".
If anyone has ever purchased the band a round of shots after their twenty minute version of "Freebird" chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If you have day job, you are not "on tour"
If you HAD to break into "Play that that funky music" to get people dancing, you're not on tour!
If you care if people dance, you're not "on tour"
If you have ever played at the Moose Lodge chances are you have never or will never be "On Tour".
If your bass player is also your sound man, you're not on tour.
If you have "EVER" had to play "Cant'cha See" by Marshall Tucker you're not "On Tour'.
If you break a string and have to stop to replace it chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If you break into "Whippin Post" and the crowd goes wild chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If the audience you play to have a total 14 feet and three teeth you are probably playing the Porterdale Moose Lodge and you aren't "On Tour".
When the audience is just your relatives...you’re not on tour
If you have ever had to hide a pistol behind your speaker cabinet chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If you have ever awoke to a flashlight in your eyes and the words "Can I see your license and insurance please" you aren't "On Tour".
If your wife or your girlfriend is helping you pack up your s**t at the end of the night... you're not "On Tour".
If you take requests, you aren't "on tour"
If you are saving your best songs for the 4th set so people don't leave you aren't "on tour"
If you replay your 1st set during the fourth set.
If an overweight female patron starts dirty dancing with herself chances are you aren't "On Tour".
If you have ever played anywhere known as a "Bar and Grill" you're not "On Tour".
If you have ever played anywhere with the word "Saloon" written above the entrance you aren't "On Tour".
If you practice more than 3 nights a week you aren't on tour
If you practice three times a week because you can't quite nail the breakdown in the middle of "Tush" you aren't "On Tour".
If your homemade KISS sign (made out of wood and light bulbs) blows out the whole wall when plugged in and all the electricity is now gone, you're probably NOT on tour
If you can see video games such as "Ms. Pac Man or "Centipede" from the stage... you're not "On Tour".
